Star Trek XI Caption Contest #2: ... Lest Ye Be Judged

[Shatmandu]

Hiya, folks.

We had a nice inaugural run, eh? Much thanks to everyone who entered.

For those who aren't familiar with how I handle the judging, I try to narrow it down as much as possible. If two or three captions are equally funny in my estimation, three people win. Life's too short to agonize over which penis joke is best.

The winners this week, including this contest's first Spock Award for Two Wins (complete with spiffy new medal), are:

Kirk: "Lets go, this place is dead."
Spock: "I've been to dead before."

Kirk: "Really? Your Uhura has huge hooters? Mine is flatter than the state of Iowa."
Spock: "But remember that huge ravine in Iowa? Both Uhuras have that."

Spock: "I don't mind the cold, but I hate the wind."
Kirk: "I don't believe in the no wind situation."

Kirk: "You choke like a Vulcan!"

KIRK: There...

are...

four...

SEQUELS!!!

KIRK: I've got your... wait, that's not your gun, is it?

FANBOY: "Why didn't you use the actual sounds from the original TV series?!?! Why does the Kelvin registry number start with zero?!?! How come you didn't walk around with a stack of books?!?! Where's Robert April?!?! You don't know anything about Star Trek and you ruined my life!!!"

And the (sorta) photoshop winner:

I'M CAPTAIN KIRK !!!!!!

Very nicely done, all. Funny stuff.

Since we've only got one movie to play around with, and I don't want to run out of good caps, I'm going to limit us to two shots per contest. One will be regular and the other something odd: a reaction shot or something from publicity.

This week's goodies are:

And that's that. Have at it.

Joe, forked


Star Trek XI Caption Contest Tally Board

Aragorn
Candlelight
cooleddie74
M'Sharak
Rat Boy
SalvorHardin
scottydog (2x)

 

[Shatmandu]

Sracist: "Nice sweater. Your emotional mommy make that for ya?"

Makeup Guy: "Can you introduce me to George Takei?"

 

[Sector 7]

"Pay no attention to the little man behind the curtain!"
or
"Bring me the Wicked Witch's broomstick. Then I'll grant your wish!."

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Ssexist: "You hit four parked vehicles? Geez, you drive like an Earth woman!"

Makeup Guy: "Hard to believe they're actually gonna have a nude scene in a Trek movie, isn't it? Oh well, ears are done! Now let's get started on that bifurcated prosthesis."

 

[Shatmandu]

Sracist: "Welcome to the Mall of America. Can I help you?"

Makeup Guy: "Man, how many of these Lord of the Rings movies are they going to make? Is it fun to play Gollum?"

 

[Rat Boy]

Spock: "Live long and prosper.

*starts to walk away, turns and walks back*

"Bitches."

Nimoy: "In my day, I had my ears put on in under an hour."

Makeup Guy: "And in my day, actors your age were grateful to get whatever work they could get, so back off, pal."

 

[scottydog]

Thanks for the wins, Oh Great sick and twisted one!

"Your prescription will be ready in one hour. Next!"

Make-up Guy: "You're the only member of the original cast who hasn't put on 50 pounds, and you still look like shit."

Make-up Guy: "You know how Scotty was always the miracle-worker? Well I'm not Scotty."

 

[Shatmandu]

Sracist: "Don't fret about this, kid: your mother ... made herself available ... so you're a shoo-in."

JJ Abrams, offscreen: "Hmm ... His character is 160 years old, <squints> so lets dial his face back about twenty years."

 

[Rat Boy]

Sracist: "This is the Vulcan Science Academy. There is no stockade, no guard tower, no electronic frontier. Only a magnetic shield prevents beaming. Punishment means exile from..."

Sarek: *ahem*

Sracist: "Sorry, wrong speech."

 

[jep]

"Welcome to the League Of Bad Haircuts, brother. Art thou prepared to recite the sacred Oath of St. Moe?"


.

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Sracist: First Sybok and now Spock. Sarek, what is it with these boys of yours?

 

[Rat Boy]

Sracist: "The architect had an odd fascination for an ancient Earth game: this is the church, this is the steeple, open it up, and here are the people."

 

[Shatmandu]

Sracist: "I checked, and I'm astonished to say your Masters Thesis entitled 'I'd Like to Tap Some Sweet Black Ass' does not disqualify you from admission to the Science Academy."

Sracist: "Logical, yes, but still troubling."

 

[M'Sharak]

Sracist: "This is the Vulcan Science Academy. There is no stockade, no guard tower, no electronic frontier. Only a magnetic shield prevents beaming. Punishment means exile from..."

Sarek: *ahem*

Sracist: "Sorry, wrong speech."

Nice.

 

[Shatmandu]

Spock: "I would assume it's the same man who put the 'ram' in the 'rama-lama-ding-dong'."

Makeup Guy: "It's amazing what they can do with animatronics nowadays. This ugly fucking thing is almost lifelike."
<Nimoy clears throat, Makeup Guy jumps back three feet.>

Sracist: "Your human mother."
Spock: "Council, Ministers, I must decline. I shall be pursuing a Doctorate in Mixology at Arizona State."

 

[Nerys Myk]

SRACIST: Zero point two... Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son.

Spock throws up.

 

[scottydog]

Sracist: "Spock, you have shrunk to 2 inches in height. You now face many challenges."

Spock: "Yes. Chief among them is being able to fart on Captain Kirk's pillow."

Sracist: "Spock, you have shrunk to 2 inches in height. You now face many challenges."

Spock: "Yes. Uhura's clit is now 3 times my size."

Sracist: "Spock, you have shrunk to 2 inches in height. You now face many challenges."

Spock: "Not really. Next time Uhura says she can't even tell I entered her, at least I now have an excuse."

 

[M'Sharak]

Spock (turning back around): Oh... and one more thing: how do I get back to the 605 from here?
Sracist: Just go out to the main road, turn left, and then right at the second light. Look for the signs.
Spock: Thank you.
Sracist: Don't mention it, round-ear boy.

 

[Nerys Myk]

SRACIST: You are inccorret S'Ammy, you can and will drive 55.

 

[Nerys Myk]

SRACIST: Don't forget to turn in your handicapped parking placard.