Star Trek XI Caption Contest #2: ... Lest Ye Be Judged

Sracist: "We'll have to change all our 'No Dogs, No Irish, No Humans' signs, but I guess you've been accepted to the Vulcan Science Academy."





Sracist: "Could have been worse, I suppose: You could be a half-human female."

 

Nimoy (to himself): "After more than 40 years of this, I'm beginning to think Martin Landau had the right idea."

 

Sracist: We're only allowing you in so we don't have to pay out to your human mother for the time one of our masters touched you in the cloister. (beat) We'll just have to grin and bear it.
Spock: That's what the master said to me.

 

Nimoy (to himself): "I'm a highly respected movie director and stage actor, and I still have to put on these silly ears."

 

Larry the Makeup Man secretly dreads the next step: attaching the bifurcated penis.




Sracist: "It was your playing of the Science Academy Anthem with your armpit that sealed the deal. Welcome to the family."




Sracist: "We've looked at your computer's History file ... what exactly is ... flappingblackbooty.com?"

 

Sracist: "We weren't entirely convinced until we read your admission essay: 'Once You Go Black, You Don't Ever Want To Go Back.'"

 

"We doubt you because you do not know the words of the 'E Plebnista'."


.

 

Sracist: "Half-human, huh? Little lacking in the ol' bifurcation department, then, eh? I've never seen an unsplit penis in person before: would you mind letting us have a peek? Purely scientific, you know."

 

Sracist: "That's an ugly-assed sweater Spock... where'd you get it?

Spock: "From your closet. Your wife let me have it after I ponn farred her last night."


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BEN CROSS: "No, I don't think anyone will believe you as the younger version of my character in the Dark Shadows revival, sorry. Next!"

 

Sacrist: Your performance was like something out of a horror movie
Spock, outraged: I'm standing here like someone who actually has The V Factor!
Sacrist: Yes, but not on planet Vulcan darling...
Spock, mumbles: Bitch

 

Sracist: "Wearing acid-washed jeans is illogical."

 

T'Rebek: "Your final jeopardy answer is: This act is morally praiseworthy but not morally obligatory."

Spock: "What is farting on Captain Kirk's Pillow."

 

S'Cowell: "You're through to Hollywood."
<Sarek makes barking sounds and pumps fist.>





Sracist: "A half-human? Join us? Hmm. Well, I suppose we could start locking up our valuables."

 

S'tooge: "Your haircut is exemplary, but you must work on your nyuk nyuk nyuk."

 

Sarek: "Christ, man, she only stole clothes that one time and she said she was sorry for it."

 

J'Judy: "Before passing sentence, we must know: Why did you steal the enema kits?"

Spock: "As they say, an enema a day keeps Dr. McCoy away."

J'Judy: "Surely you realize that enemas are rectally praiseworthy but not rectally obligatory."

Spock: "Yes. Another lesson I've learned is: Having an enema is not so pleasing a thing as wanting one."

 

We gather here today...to join this half-human, half-Vulcan hybrid...and his tacky wool sweater...in Logical Matrimony...




NIMOY: Make me look like a total playa, bitch.

 

CHIEF MINISTER:You are now a full member of the Bobby Goldsboro Fan Club, Vulcan Chapter...with all the rights and privileges that status entails.

SAREK:Here, here...

THIRD VULCAN: SWEEEET.

 

Spock: "I propose IDIE. Infinite Diversity in Infinite Enemas."

Sarek: "You speak with wisdom beyond your rears, son."


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