TOS Caption Contest #123 - Bend Over

[DrBob]

Medical grade alcohol -check
Huge platter of weed -check
Computer porn -check
Yeoman handjobs -check

It's good to be Captain!

Stiles: <in a hammed up 50's brooklyn accent>
"Beat it! ya no good Vul-cane-ian wise guy! Ya've been buzzin round me like a fly on shit! Whaddya waaaaant?"

-or-
Nimoy: "You, ummm, seen my bicycle anywhere?"
-or-
Spock: "Damn... your hair smells ... <huffs> mmm good..."
-or-
Spock: "Yeoman, miniskirt, dropped stylus, 7 o'clock."

Watching a mexican jumping bean hop to bagpipe-rave mixtapes constituted as entertainment for these two nimrods.

 

[Nerys Myk]

STILES: You're in my "bubble" dude. Don't make me file a complaint!

 

[Diesel Micky Dolenz]

Spock: "Mr. Stiles, the likelihood that our balls would not touch is 1,742,521.5 to one against, making your assertion that it wouldn't be gay dubious at best."

 

[Shatmandu]

Rand: "Why's he so tired?"
McCoy: "Oh, the usual: on the planet we visited today, he fucked the legs off the female protagonist."
<Rand stands, purses her lips, picks up the salad, dumps it in Kirk's crotch, leaves the room.>

 

[Outpost4]

Scotty: But Mr. Spock, the captain insists I get his Betamax working again. I canna change the laws of physics!

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Spock: That scent you are wearing is simply alluring. I must know what it is.
Stiles: Old Spice.

 

[cooleddie74]

McCOY:"Make sure you aim it in the right direction this time, Janice.

Sickbay's out of emergency eye-wash for the moment."

STILES:"You smell wonderful, sir. Herbal Essences?"

SCOTTY:"Bloody duotronic roofies.

They never stay connected in one place for long."

 

[cooleddie74]

SPOCK:"Hey. Spread the word.

The Captain couldn't get it up last night."

 

[Rat Boy]

Mirror Rand: "And so you diet, Captain, and we all move up in rank."

 

[cooleddie74]

JANICE:"You're sure a girl can't get pregnant through her hand, Doc?"

 

[cooleddie74]

STILES:"These new Gobstopper control panels just aren't flying well with the crew, sir. Permission to file a complaint with Starfleet Command when we reach the nearest starbase?"

 

[John Picard]

Spock: "I have the bongs, 15 casks of Romulan ale, and the hookers arranged."

Stiles: "I've secured Shuttle Bay Two. The Captain doesn't suspect a thing."

 

[cooleddie74]

STILES:"You are the star that guides my way. The sun that lights my day."

SPOCK:"Not here. Or NOW."

 

[cooleddie74]

McCOY:"Nothin' like a quiet lunch...drinkin' mouthwash...and watchin' a yeoman give your captain and best friend a handjob.

Good times, Jim.

Good times."

 

[Nerys Myk]

SPOCK: Let me reiterate Mr Stiles, the green ones are mine.

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Spock: Is there something wrong, Mr. Stiles?
Stiles: Yes, sir. I was just wondering if the carpet matched the drapes.
Spock: Eyes on your panel, mister.

 

[M'Sharak]

Spock: "Mr. Stiles, the likelihood that our balls would not touch is
1,742,521.5 to one against, making your assertion that it wouldn't
be gay dubious at best."

Stiles: All right, sir -- how about... 1,771,561 to one? Eh?

 

[The Squire of Gothos]

Stiles; <whisper> But sir, I don't know what a single damned button does!
Spock; <whisper> Eyes forward Mr Stiles, once the captain's gone, then we bring out the steering wheel again.

 

[Nerys Myk]

MCCOY: I've been thinking Jim. You might want get some therapy for this Archer obsession of yours. The look alike hookers are getting harder to get rid of and the crew's beginning suspect.

 

[Gertch]

Jim was defiant not to be on Archer reliant while Bones drank the profits of this enterprise.