TOS Caption Contest #123 - Bend Over
- Thread starter Outpost4
- Start date
KIRK:"Harder, Janice.
Rougher.
I need a legitimate excuse to ask Starfleet Command for another wardrobe set when we get back to Earth."
GORN:"Ssssssssss....
I'd be better off leaving you with the foressssskin, Captain...it'll help you look bigger."
Hiring Gorn exterminators to take care of a roach problem?
Potentially FAR more hazardous than the bug infestation.
SPOCK:"Doctor McCoy suffers from erectile difficulties and chronic diarrhea.
Pass it on."
GORN:"You have three?!
Impressssssssssive."
SPOCK:"The Captain's Gorn circumcision went poorly, Mr. Stiles. He will not return to duty for at least several days.
Until then, I'm in charge."
STILES:"Great. An even sorer dick."
Spock: "Mr. Stiles, a joystick on a starship would be highly illogical."
STILES:"Do you mind, sir?
Just because YOU don't think plomeek broth doesn't have an aftersmell doesn't mean you're right."
GORN:"Oy!
Thissssss child needssss to be changed!!"
Spock: "Mr. Stiles, a joystick on a starship would be highly illogical."
Stiles: "And the barcode scanners and hostess stations?"
Spock: "One more like that and I'm busting you back to ensign."
"No."
"Mister Stiles... "
"No way, sir. If you ate all of your green buttons, that's just too damned bad,
but you're not getting mine. You'll have to go ask the quartermaster for more,
just the same as any of us would."
"He, uhm... he cut me off."
"Ha, serves you right. Now, if you'll excuse me, sir, I've got a course to plot."
"Bitch."
Yeoman Rand *thinking*: Pfft. Captain's Log. Yeah, right. More like Captain's Twig.
"As per Mr. Sulu's request, I am to inform you that you have a sweet ass that he would eat a Klingon blood pie out of."
"Aye, Mr. Spock, I think we've solved the mystery of the Captain's missing erectile dysfunction pill."
<all in whispers>
Spock: "Do you think, you know, Yeoman Rand, like, likes me?"
Stiles: "She totally does, dude."
Spock: "But she's never, you know, said anything or whatever."
Stiles: "Girls are like that, man. You've got to make the first move and shit. Be all smooooth."
Spock: "You think I should?"
Stiles: "Totally."
Spock, looking over his shoulder: "I don't know about her hair, man."
Stiles: "Long as she's got a hairy hole, who gives a shit? I barely even noticed she had a head. <makes devil sign with fingers> She rawwks."
<both giggle>
Spock, wistful: "Yeah, she does rock."
Stiles: "She rocks the cock, dude. Hard."
<both giggle>
Spock, urgent: "Captain's coming. <then, loudly> Continue on course, Mister Stiles."
<Spock walks back to his station>
Stiles: "Aye, sir."
Rand: "The galley has been teabagging your every meal for the last year, by the way."
McCoy: "How's that bit of crotch-rot you picked up on Rigel IV doing, Jim."
<Rand straightens, frowns, leaves in huff.>
Kirk: "Thanks a lot."
McCoy: "Tired of lying on the transfer forms when you hump-and-dump, Cap'n."
