Movie Caption Contest #112: Fisherman's Worf

[Rat Boy]

I'm not a parent but you do have to watch yourself when you're around children. No cursing, tune the car radio to another station whenever the topic of David Letterman comes up, and being very careful about captioning lest you have to explain to a nine year old why Captain Picard is wearing assless chaps. Anyway, it's time for another contest and first lets choose our words carefully around...

For providing further proof that studios pay less when they make sequels, our winner is...

Cabbie: Look at me I'm the frikkin Starship Enterprise over here! Pew pew!
Shatner: I've got to get a bigger budget.

For a slight miscommunication in body language, our winner is...

Everyone knows about the hand gesture that Vulcans make to accompany the phrase "Live long and prosper." Less well-known is the hand gesture Vulcans make as a way of saying "I want you to render me unconscious and then anally violate me." Unfortunately for Vomit, that gesture was coincidentally exactly the same as the one he gave to Spock...

For either a diplomatic incident or a violation of the Americans With Disabilities Act, our winner is...

"What do you think...?"
"He's a retard..."
"That's the stupidist thing I've ever heard, of course he's a retard but he's like a Ruskie or something"

For giving a good reason why someone should have health insurance, our winner is...

DOCTOR ON LEFT: "How is she doing, Doctor?"
KIRK:"She's dead."
DOCTOR ON RIGHT:"Well, let us know if there's any change in her condition."

For a lawsuit just waiting to happen, the winner of our bonus picture is...

Sulu: "I've got the whale!"

McCoy: "That's Uhura, you idiot!"

As we're waiting on Candlelight...er...Candlefright to supply us with winners to the pictures he submitted, we'll just salute our Photoshop winner...

Hartman: JESUS H. CHRIST! Will you watch where you're walking, you overacting piece of SHIT! Whoa, I didn't know they stack shit that high! Where are you from, anyhow?
Kirk: Iowa
Hartman: HOLY DOGSHIT, Iowa, only starships and queers come from Iowa, and you don't look like a starship to me, so that narrows it down a bit!
Kirk: Wha...
Hartman: What, are you about to call me an asshole?
Kirk: No, I was about to ask if you could get on that bus over there and rip Vomit a new one.

Congratulations to the winners and here are our updated totals...

Candlelight (Hall of Fame) 51
Nerys Myk (Hall of Fame) 50
cooleddie74 (Hall of Fame) 44
Shatmandu (Hall of Fame) 31
Gertch (Hall of Fame) 26
The Laughing Vulcan (Hall of Fame) 23
middyseafort (Hall of Fame) 23
Triskelion (Hall of Fame) 22
Outpost4 (Hall of Fame) 21
Turd Ferguson 17
Diesel Micky Dolenz 14
LeadHead 13
scottydog 13
Skywalker 12
Alrik 12
Nebusj 12
DS9Sega 11
EliyahuQeoni 10
zephramc 10
Herkimer Jitty 10
BriGuy 9
Tharpdevenport 9
Kirby 9
Kegek 8
cultcross 7
John_Picard 6
Atavachron 6
jptrekker 6
captain crow 6
TheGallifreyanSith 6
SciFi75 5
Finn 5
The Cutest of Borg 5
Bad Atom 5
Daneel 5
CaptainJon 4
Haggis and Tatties 4
NCC-1701 4
Defcon 4
Peach Wookie 4
Mistral 4
Woulfe 4
Piper 4
B.J. 4
Deranged Nasat 4
Starpaul20 4
Sisu 3
David_Leese 3
archerguy1701 3
ancient 3
chancellorjake 3
Amasov 3
SalvorHardin 3
Hartzilla2007 3
Classic Fan 3
M'Sharak 3
Civil Shadow 3
The Squire of Gothos 3
J. Allen 2
Arthur Frelling Dent 2
Lloyd_Dobbler 2
nil_jones 2
OphaClyde 2
Gagarin 2
casey 2
Redshirts Widow 2
Cky 2
thedude 2
S'Kai 2
seigezunt 2
trampledamage 2
protocida 2
BriGuy 2
26138 2
cardinal biggles 1
Vasquez Rocks 1
Valin 1
Nathan_Heller 1
Guartho 1
Alyssa 1
A beaker full of death 1
rmkwebdesign 1
Starlock 1
Admiral Garak 1
Broccoli 1
Mister.Woof 1
A Chimpanzee & 2 Trainees 1
battrekker 1
DrBob 1
Sector7 1
USS Mariner 1
hmbnimbus 1
H F Mudd 1
dukesman 1
Fire 1
Super Grover 1
Johnnyracefan 1
SciFi75 1
jongredic 1
Toban Kal 1
trilbymonkey 1
Will 1
Captain Mike 1
T'Boggan 1
Dimesdan 1
shivkala 1
KirkusOveractus 1
CTM 1
Emperor-Tiberius 1
Alpha_Geek 1
Zachary_Smith 1
Plum 1
3 of 11 1
jongredic 1
Super Grover 1
T'Aerwynd 1
shivkala 1
Jackson_Roykirk 1
The Badger 1
Captain Zog 1
J. Allen 1
Lashmore 1
NickRyder 1
Aragorn 1
USS Bones 1

We're taking a break this week from our rifling through the Blu-Rays of the TOS movies to focus solely on TNG and one of its more exposed stars: Worf. Yep, it's surprising that they didn't find some way to get Michael Dorn to appear on VOY and ENT while they were at it. First, we have LeVar Burton complaining about the fact that he has to escort Dorn to the bathroom yet again. Next, we see Dorn practicing the cha-cha-cha with his dance partner 5 of 7. Third, we have make-up artist extraordinaire Michael Westmore's greatest creation: the Klingon zit. Finally, we bring back a classic picture from back when I didn't run the caption contest. Have fun and pray Michael Dorn doesn't track you down for what you're about to post:

 

[Rat Boy]

Dorn: "You know, I think I've got a better way for you to spread your random observations instead of yelling at the top of your lungs. It's called Twitter."

Worf: "'Scuse me while I whip this out."

Worf: "Next time you masturbate to a photo of my dead wife, clean up after yourself."

Whoopi Goldberg (off camera): "It's not rape-rape."

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Worf thinking: "The real reason Klingons grow their hair long is to hide the headphones of their k-pod, so they don't have to listen to bullshit like this."

Borg: "I guess I picked the wrong week to quit watching Jackie Chan movies."

Picard: "Do Klingons have acid for blood?"
Worf: "No."
Picard: "Regardless, never squeeze that zit, that's an order."

Worf: "Conway Twitty! Why'd it have to be Conway Twitty?"

 

[Turd Ferguson]

"The Chicken Dance should be illegal."

 

[Deranged Nasat]

Geordi: "Hey, Worf, I-"

Worf: "Is this another "Fisherman's Wharf" joke?"

Geordi: "Well, eh, yeah"

Worf: "I will destroy you".

Borg: "Are we just going to stand like this all day or are you going to attack?"

Worf: "You attack"

Borg: "No. Out of the question. I'm a slow and lumbering zombie-like creature. You're the one who has to make the move. Well, come on!"

Worf: "I like it as I am, thank you."

....
....
....

Borg: "You've done your back in, haven't you?"

Worf: "Yes! Help!"

 

[Deranged Nasat]

Worf belches, and throws down his seventh bottle of Romulan ale.

Worf: "Is it just me, or does one find that the generally accepted critical theories of late 14th century chivalric romance literature owe more in fact to 19th century editorial value judgement than to a true analysis of the political and literary climate in which--"

Geordi and Guinan, offscreen: "For Gods's sake, Worf, SHUT UP!!"

 

[Rat Boy]

Dorn: "Jesus, get over 'Reading Rainbow' already."

Worf: "What is up with the stripes on that guy's suit?"

 

[zephramc]

We'll try some classic advertising slogans this time around...

Can you hear me now?

Hate that gray? Wash it away!

Gather 'Round the Good Stuff

Calgon, take me away!

 

[Turd Ferguson]

Debates between Worf and Geordi over whether Jack Sparrow or Will Turner were the superior naval officer sometimes got a bit heated.

"Would you like to... lend me a HAND?"

Picard: Have you been in a fight, Mr. Worf?

Worf: No, sir! It is a gortch!

Picard: Gortch?

Data: Venerial disease, sir.

Picard: But it's on your nose!

Worf: Klingons do not discuss their anatomy with outsiders. However, as chief of security, I highly recommend we quarantine Counselor Troi.

 

[Rat Boy]

Picard: "I told you not to scratch it."

 

[John Picard]

Where will you be when your diarrhea returns?

 

[scottydog]

Geordi: "Worf, we're listing toward the starboard side! Turn around so that your zit is on the port side!"

Worf: "Why is Data staring at my left ear?"

Picard: "He has an aural fixation."

 

[Mistral]

Worf: "I can't take it anymore! Do you know how many of these caption contests I've been in? I'm tired of all the fart, dick, and Cool Eddie jokes! They're not even funny when translated into Klingon! Please get me out of here! Let me go back to the Waiting Room! Please, I beg you!"

 

[Triskelion]

Thanks for the win!

Geordi: AYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYYAYYAYAYAYAYAYAY!!!!!!!
Worf <thinking>: Note to self: suckerpunch Geordi tomorrow.

Worf: Now come at me with an overhand stabbing motion.
Borg: Ok. Do not react.

Picard: <after a minute> Did you enter that thing on the ship's manifest?
Worf: <runs out crying>

But when did Khan ever see Chekov's face?

 

[scottydog]

Yes, thanks for the win!

Worf: "I know today is a good day to die, but what if tomorrow is better? And if tomorrow is always better, won't the next day after that be even better, since tomorrow's tomorrow is the next day?"

Picard: "Mr. Worf. Please. Today will suffice nicely."

 

[Candlelight]

Winners coming very shortly!

"Worf... I'm really happy for ya... and irma let ya finish... but Admiral Kirk had the best promotion of all time... ALL TIME!!"

"Resistence of Futile"
"Shut up, or I'll cut you"
"Resi-"
"RIGHT, THAT DOES IT"

"Worf, have you been trying to snort Data's emotion chip again?"
"What gave it away?"

Unbelievably strong and powerful Klingon sneeze in 3... 2... 1...

 

[Triskelion]

Borg: What are you supposed to be?
Worf: Space pirate with a severe neck injury.
Borg: Lame.

 

[zephramc]

Coming to a theater near you. For Worf, son of Mogh, the future seemed far from terrific until he met the right girl. But that only angered the wrong warrior and his troubles really began. Then in one D'Har Master he found a teacher and a friend. In the end it will be in Worfs hands, in his body, and most of all in his mind. Columbia Pictures presents The Karate Klingon.

 

[Candlelight]

Right then, the winners. First, I thought I'd celebrate the man who makes it all possible...

Posted by Rat Boy:

McCoy and Uhura were impressed by the accuracy of Sulu's gaydar.

Next, one of only three entries for this failed image...

Posted by The Laughing Vulcan:

Kirk: "I can't believe you kissed me."

McCoy: "Well you told us to blend in with the locals."

And finally, at the risk of allowing my running mate to extend their lead...

Posted by Nerys Myk:

CHEKOV: I know this guy, I never forget a face.

 

[Rat Boy]

And here's the re-revised scoreboard and thanks for the win!

Candlelight (Hall of Fame) 51
Nerys Myk (Hall of Fame) 51
cooleddie74 (Hall of Fame) 44
Shatmandu (Hall of Fame) 31
Gertch (Hall of Fame) 26
The Laughing Vulcan (Hall of Fame) 24
middyseafort (Hall of Fame) 23
Triskelion (Hall of Fame) 22
Outpost4 (Hall of Fame) 21
Turd Ferguson 17
Diesel Micky Dolenz 14
LeadHead 13
scottydog 13
Skywalker 12
Alrik 12
Nebusj 12
DS9Sega 11
EliyahuQeoni 10
zephramc 10
Herkimer Jitty 10
BriGuy 9
Tharpdevenport 9
Kirby 9
Kegek 8
cultcross 7
John_Picard 6
Atavachron 6
jptrekker 6
captain crow 6
TheGallifreyanSith 6
SciFi75 5
Finn 5
The Cutest of Borg 5
Bad Atom 5
Daneel 5
CaptainJon 4
Haggis and Tatties 4
NCC-1701 4
Defcon 4
Peach Wookie 4
Mistral 4
Woulfe 4
Piper 4
B.J. 4
Deranged Nasat 4
Starpaul20 4
Sisu 3
David_Leese 3
archerguy1701 3
ancient 3
chancellorjake 3
Amasov 3
SalvorHardin 3
Hartzilla2007 3
Classic Fan 3
M'Sharak 3
Civil Shadow 3
The Squire of Gothos 3
J. Allen 2
Arthur Frelling Dent 2
Lloyd_Dobbler 2
nil_jones 2
OphaClyde 2
Gagarin 2
casey 2
Redshirts Widow 2
Cky 2
thedude 2
S'Kai 2
seigezunt 2
trampledamage 2
protocida 2
BriGuy 2
26138 2
cardinal biggles 1
Vasquez Rocks 1
Valin 1
Nathan_Heller 1
Guartho 1
Alyssa 1
A beaker full of death 1
rmkwebdesign 1
Starlock 1
Admiral Garak 1
Broccoli 1
Mister.Woof 1
A Chimpanzee & 2 Trainees 1
battrekker 1
DrBob 1
Sector7 1
USS Mariner 1
hmbnimbus 1
H F Mudd 1
dukesman 1
Fire 1
Super Grover 1
Johnnyracefan 1
SciFi75 1
jongredic 1
Toban Kal 1
trilbymonkey 1
Will 1
Captain Mike 1
T'Boggan 1
Dimesdan 1
shivkala 1
KirkusOveractus 1
CTM 1
Emperor-Tiberius 1
Alpha_Geek 1
Zachary_Smith 1
Plum 1
3 of 11 1
jongredic 1
Super Grover 1
T'Aerwynd 1
shivkala 1
Jackson_Roykirk 1
The Badger 1
Captain Zog 1
J. Allen 1
Lashmore 1
NickRyder 1
Aragorn 1
USS Bones 1
Rat Boy 1

Worf (thinking): Last week, Ray Charles. This week, Stevie Wonder. Just because he's blind doesn't mean he can sing.

Ultimate Mannequin Fighting League wasn't as exciting as one would have thought.

Picard: "Do they have any skin care products on DS9?"

Worf: "Ugh. Nickleback."