Voyager Caption Contest #58: Hit Control V, What a Lifesaver

[Yeoman Randi]

Welcome back fellow Voyagers! Time to come out of stasis and celebrate our winners!

Seriously. Tell me this has never happened to you~

Tuvok: "Your one-hour guarantee--can all customers get eyewear in just an hour?"

EMH: "Yes."

Tuvok: "I am surprised. My prescription is very strong and complex. Does your guarantee mean I can get contacts in that prescription in one-point-zero hours or less?"

EMH: "You want your contacts in your prescription? That's a little different--eyewear in a patient's specific prescription requires a week."

Ah Facebook. Life just hasn't been the same since you popped up in the Alpha Quadrant~

Chakotay: You haven't been the same since all of your Spacebook friends dropped you.

Heh~ i just love this one~

Guy on floor (OS): "It was just a Tuvix joke! What!? Too soon?"

This was just too perfect~

Harry: There was a flower inside, preserved against time by the vaccum of space. A pink carnation, strangely enough.
Paris: That dates its disappearance from Earth as the day the music died, captain.

Sometimes the costumes really were a tad ridiculous, you know?

Neelix was having so much fun with his new sewing machine that volunteered to sew new sleeves on prisoner's torn jumpsuits.

Possibly one of the greatest photoshops ever~

Sanford: "Wait a minute... Did I take a wrong turn or somethin'?"
Tuvok: "Sir, what is the last thing you remember doing?"
Sanford: "I was drivin' down the boulevard... Needed a car wash, so I pulled into this place, I think it wuz called 'Caretaker Carwash.' Yeah, that's it. Drove right into the shimmering wall of water."
Paris: "Oh boy."
Sanford: "Why do I get the feelin' this ain't the garage for the special wax job?"

Once again proof that it never hurts to brown nose the judge~

Yeoman Randi: "Just to give you guys a heads up. I will be running this contest until Monday, August 1st, which is just a couple of days later than usual. Apologies for the delay, but it can't be helped. Thanks for understanding!"


Tuvok: "Understanding, my ass, I've got other things to do!"

Ok, this next one wins the rare epic award. It's a 'shop, it's a cawfee spew, it's a floor wax and a dessert topping all in one!! This is EPIC!

Chakotay: How much longer is this going to take, Kathryn?

Janeway: According to this message board, most of those posters think you need more acting lessons.

Congratulations to the winnas and loads of love to everyone who played. You all deserve a big round of applause and massive quantities of whatever it is you seek.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


And now for your captioning pleasure i leave you with these:

As always, i'll let this one brew for 2 weeks (well, actually a little bit under)....this will end on Friday the 12th. Until then, have fun set a course for home and engage!

 

[LeadHead]

Thanks for the win!

Chakotay: Shhh! Don't make a sound! Neelix is looking for us with Leola Root Soup!

Vir: Courting Behavior?

Gegen: Not precisely. The Female would be interested in a long term relationship, while the male's first wish is for a one night stand, then to re-evaluate.

Vidian: Why did you do that?

The Doctor: I don't know what you mean.

Vidian: You introduced plastic masks based on US Politicians to our society! Entire cities have nothing but Richard Nixon's walking around!

Admiral Paris: I know you all at Pathfinder are upset that we moved you into this smaller lab, but I needed the big screen in the other one for my Superbowl Party....

Troi: Reg, please put the phaser down.

Seska: By the way, the next time you see me, I'll look like a Cardassian!

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Chakotay: "You were warned never to activate the ERH!"
Janeway: "The Emergency Robau Hologram. The awesomeness!"

Vir: "Note the juvenile courtship behaviour, the infantile verbiage, and the unrealistically eager capitulation of the female."
Gegen: "A Braga script?"
Vir: "Precisely."

Vidian: "You got a lot of nerve showing your face around here."
EMH: "Look who's talking."
Vidian: "You can't pull that off, Johnnycab!"

From viewscreen: "Hello little one. Is that that cute Jean Luc behind you? I think he's let himself go..."

Seska: "I've heard of bukkake, but this is ridiculous."

 

[Mistral]

Thanks for the WIN! Brown-nosing is great, aint it?!?

Chakotay: Ok, look, if I angle it like this-but keep quiet or the crew will find out!"

 

[Finn]

Thanks for the EPIC win

Admiral Paris: I know you all at Pathfinder are upset that we moved you into this smaller lab, but I needed the big screen in the other one for my Superbowl Party....

Troi: Reg, please put the phaser down.

Barclay: *stammers* It's not that. I"m rooting for the Packers. But...But I just miss that hot number of Troi's, the one she was wearing over in the TNG Caption This contest.

Paris: What?

Barclay: *stammers* One is more exposed than other, because other needs room...for the combadge

Troi: Oh my god! Why did I ask Picard for shore leave?

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Thanks for the win, Yeoman Randi!

Alien: "Look at them! The power of their combined smirkiness could provide energy for our homeworld for years!"

Alien: "Back off, dude, I'm not bothering the lady! I'm just trying to tell her about the dangers of over-tanning!"

 

[Velocity]

Alien: I'm just saying give me 10 minutes and I could give her a decent hairstyle.

 

[Nerys Myk]

CHAKOTAY: You dont know how long I wished for this to happen!!!!

JANEWAY: I think I threw up in my mouth a little.

VIR: So they hate each other but secretly are attracted to each other?

GENEN: Yes, I've never observed such behavior before!

VIDIAN: Where's this Neelix character?

KES: Daaaaaad!!!! Nothing happened!!!!!

SESKA: I'm a vampire!!!! Prepare to hear about my feelings!!!!!!

 

[Smellincoffee]

Huzzah for "American Pie" references!
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Chakotay: Stop screaming! It's a perfectly natural place to tattoo among my people!
Janeway: What has been seen....cannot be unseen!

Vidian: What do you mean, 'prexisiting condition'?

Seska: Say hello to your new spirit guide, Chakotay. Rrrow.
Chakotay: I..I think I just became an atheist.

 

[Bob Karo]

Doctor: Okay, Tuvok. I admit my zombie survival plan sucked, but in fairness I'm not the one who's going to get eaten.

 

[Isis]

Seska: By the way, the next time you see me, I'll look like a Kardashian!

(with apologies to LeadHead)

 

[Admiral Shran]

Vidian: Why did you do that?

The Doctor: I don't know what you mean.

Vidian: You introduced plastic masks based on US Politicians to our society! Entire cities have nothing but Richard Nixon's walking around!

The Doctor: Would you like to see my George W. Bush collection?

Vidian: I'm going to kill you now.

 

[Gary7]

Janeway: "Oh my God, I'm going to be sick!"
Chakotay: "What? C'mon, it was just a kiss, Kathryn."
Janeway: "When was the last time you brushed your teeth?"

Vir: "She seems most formidable."
Gegen: "Nah. The man is completely pussy-whipped. He must need the sex more than her."

Vidian: "You will take a photo of me and this one you call Kes. It is for my Spacebook page."

 

[Gary7]

Vidian: "I just wanted a little trim... but you sheared almost everything off. What am I going to do now? I look terrible!"

 

[Finn]

Vidian: What?

 

[Gary7]

Vidian: "I thank you for the hair implants, doctor. The style is most becoming. Are there many men among you who wear it?"

 

[Deranged Nasat]

Doctor: "Mr. Paris, we've tried Seven's nanoprobes, we've tried Neelix's home remedies, we've sent you through the Tuvix transporter twice, and we've tried an induced relapse of your transformation into a salamander. I'm now pleased to say that some combination of the above has cured your rash completely".

"We're receiving a Seskagram, Captain".

"Oooh, anything juicy?"

"Apparently she booby-trapped another holoprogram and put rat poison in the pasta bowl".

"Fiendish. Okay, let's go through the holodirectory again. Did she reveal where she hid my toothbrush, yet?"

"No. Maybe in the next one, Captain".

 

[Gary7]

Vidian: "And so this Groucho fellow you speak of. He is highly regarded in your society?"

 

[Gary7]

Admiral Wilhelm: "Yes sir, right away Mr. Steinbrenner. We've got our best man on the case, Commander Constanza."

 

[Finn]

Admiral Wilhelm: "Yes sir, right away Mr. Steinbrenner. We've got our best man on the case, Commander Constanza."