Contest: ENTER TOS Caption Contest #312: A Russian Invention

[Finn]

Redshirt 1: *psst* he looks nothing like his portrait at Starfleet Command

Redshirt 2: *whispers* That's because he submitted a picture of his favorite actor, Chris Pine, before taking command

 

[Doc Mugatu]

Mr. Spock: Captain Kirk and ensign Chekov, I must confiscate your hairpieces as they are the byproduct of illegally hunted "blood" tribbles.

 

[Doc Mugatu]

Chekov: Kill the vabbit. KILL THE VABBIT!

 

[Doc Mugatu]

Chekov: Sorry Keptin, I should have mentioned my lactose intolerance before we had the ice-cream cake.

 

[Doc Mugatu]

Kirk: Be honest. I split my pants AGAIN?

Chekov: Not so much the ripped pants, sir, but the going "commando" that's unsettling.

Yeoman: Oh my God, you have a vestigial tail!

Kirk: I prefer to call it my "auxiliary penis" and, yes, I am happy to see you.

 

[Qonundrum]

Star Trek: Renegades--The Really Early Years by J.M Dillard.

##WIN!!!

 

[tharpdevenport]

Kirk: "I'm sorry, Mr. Chekov, but Khan is coming aboard so I need you to be hidden away so later you can piss of a bunch of nerds who live in their parent's basements and have never kissed a girl. Or guy as the case may be."

 

[Mr Soak]

Chekov: Sir, is there a reason there are few women on board?
*everyone steps a little closer*
Chekov: Sir, I am distinctly uncomfortable, right now.

Chekov: Sir, it's an alien possession storyline ahead!
Kirk: Red Alert! Get us out of here maximum warp!

 

[Nerys Myk]

CHEKOV: Gourd trees. We aren't in Kazakhstan anymore.
KIRK: Isn't that "Kansas"?
CHEKOV: No, I'm pretty sure it's Kazakhstan.

 

[Laura Cynthia Chambers]

Chekov: "Okay, zat wasn't the right button, either. Vat does zis one-"
Kirk: "Hands off the controls, Ensign!"

 

[IMC Headquarters]

KIRK: Damn your plotting, Chekov! We've hit an iceberg!

 

[IMC Headquarters]

Chekov is the first one to spot the iRex...

 

[IMC Headquarters]

CHEKOV: What am I doing on a comm-lock viewscreen? And in color?

 

[IMC Headquarters]

Ah. Russian Pac-Man!

 

[Laura Cynthia Chambers]

Captain's log, supplemental: After a lengthy investigation, Enterprise's security team believes it has located the person who snuck into my quarters and used up my last bottle of volumizer....

 

[CorporalCaptain]

TFTW, @LeadHead!

Chekov: I just hope that lightning really doesn't strike tvice!

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

CHEKOV: Keptian! We've smashed directly into the plot of this episode!

Kirk: No one look at Ms. Uhura's bloomers! Eyes straight ahead, gentlemen.

 

[Doc Mugatu]

"Take the last shuttle to Eden
And I'll meet you at the DS9 station
You can be there by oh-four-thirty
'Cause I've made your reservation, don't be slow
Oh, no, no, no
Oh, no, no, no"

 

[Tenacity]

* fart *

Chekov: "I not think anyone will think that was me."

 

[IMC Headquarters]

KIRK:. Yes. Your check bounced, Chekov.