Contest: ENTER TOS Caption Contest #312: A Russian Invention

Discussion in 'Star Trek - The Original & Animated Series' started by LeadHead, Jan 1, 2019.

  1. LeadHead

    LeadHead Director of Comedy Premium Member

    Joined:
    Oct 3, 2000
    Location:
    LeadHead
    Happy new year and welcome to the new contest!

    Let's get right down to business!

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    First up to the plate, we have the "Advanced Troubleshooting" Award, goes to @Maurice for:

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    SULU: Affirmative, Mr. Scott. I am holdiing down Control-Alt-Delete and we've still got the Blue Screen of Death.


    Next, we have the "How to lose fans and alienate people" Award, going to @2takesfrakes for:

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    "So ... what's happening outside with all the cops, Bill?"
    "Well, let's see, Georgie ...They're rounding up the Trekkies waiting to decend upon us and devour us."
    "Maybe you shouldn't have made that 'Get a Life' remark, then ... huh?"
    "Let me put it this way: I won't be doing conventions again, for a long ... long time."


    Next, we have the "Careful now... easy...." Award, goes to @Corpus Christi for:

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    Sulu: Mr. Spock, how much longer must these exercises continue?

    Spock: As the Captain said, until all bridge personnel have a 100 percent rating.

    Leslie: Simulator reset. Helm techniques, parallel parking, attempt 47.

    Sulu: I'll never live this down, will I?


    Next, we have the "Maybe there were warnings about this planet?" Award, going to @Herbert for:

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    Sulu: Can you connect to the wifi?
    D'amato: Nope. I can't get into the only network available. It's called ' iwillexplodeallthecellsinyourbody-lorisa '
    Sulu: I got a bad feeling about this.


    Next, we have the "Emergency Beamout" Award, going to @IMC Headquarters for:

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    "What do you mean, I'm in a photon torpedo tube, and you're about to fire on the Kling--"


    Our Photoshop Award goes to @Happy X-Mas (War Is Over) for:

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    SULU: This new Captain is giving me the creeps.
    SCOTTY: Just lower the lighting and fire the torpedoes like he asked, lad.


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    The Tribbles have chosen two winners of this award!

    @ChasFink:

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    Sulu: No! This breaker keeps going off! Just unplug the damn toaster!


    @TrickyDickie:

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    Sulu: "Who is 'Catwoman'?"

    D'Amato: "I don't know, but it sounds to me like Dr McCoy needs to vaccinate us against cat-scratch fever!"

    Many thanks to all who participated and congrats to the winners! And now, lets get a contest going Ensign Pavel Chekov!

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    Enjoy!
     
  2. LeadHead

    LeadHead Director of Comedy Premium Member

    Joined:
    Oct 3, 2000
    Location:
    LeadHead
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    Chekov: May I have your attention, please? At 2200 hours, telemetry detected an anomaly in the Neutral Zone...

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    Chekov: Keptin, How can there be a red horizon, a blue sky and it's neither sunrise or sunset?

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    Chekov was on a rampage after Vodka was banned on the Enterprise...


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    Chekov: Keptin, you and Mister Spock are to be placed under arrest because literally everyAdmiral in Starfleet is corrupt, insane or incompetent and they know you'll be the ones to take them down.

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    Captain's Log: I'm reconsidering the ordinance regarding seatbelts...
     
  3. IMC Headquarters

    IMC Headquarters Captain Premium Member

    Joined:
    May 26, 2018
    Location:
    Empire Falls, Maine
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    "Here we come. Warping down the street. We get the funniest looks from-everyone we beam..."


    Thanks for the win!
     
    Last edited: Jan 1, 2019
    JonnyQuest037 likes this.
  4. Cutie McWhiskers

    Cutie McWhiskers Commodore Commodore

    Joined:
    May 18, 2017
    Location:
    The clinic located by the Q Continuum
  5. Cutie McWhiskers

    Cutie McWhiskers Commodore Commodore

    Joined:
    May 18, 2017
    Location:
    The clinic located by the Q Continuum
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    "Okay, which one of you ate beans again?"
     
  6. IMC Headquarters

    IMC Headquarters Captain Premium Member

    Joined:
    May 26, 2018
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    Empire Falls, Maine
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    Chekov's morale boosting idea to turn the bridge into an ice rink was less than successful...
     
  7. IMC Headquarters

    IMC Headquarters Captain Premium Member

    Joined:
    May 26, 2018
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    Empire Falls, Maine
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    CHEKOV: I'll give Khan a bowl haircut he'll never forget...
     
  8. IMC Headquarters

    IMC Headquarters Captain Premium Member

    Joined:
    May 26, 2018
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    Empire Falls, Maine
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    MIKE NESMITH: Gee Pavel, I mean Davy. You're going to live well past Voyager's time as an admiral fighting conspiracies and everything. How do you do it?
    CHEKOV: I have good agent.
     
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  9. Herbert

    Herbert Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

    Joined:
    Apr 20, 2017
    Location:
    CT - Yay! More taxes and possibly tolls.
    Thanks for the win

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    Bones: Damn it Jim! I told you a game of corners on the bridge was not a good idea.
     
  10. IMC Headquarters

    IMC Headquarters Captain Premium Member

    Joined:
    May 26, 2018
    Location:
    Empire Falls, Maine
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    CHEKOV: Sharp sword. Now I need two fingers...of vodka.
     
  11. IMC Headquarters

    IMC Headquarters Captain Premium Member

    Joined:
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    Empire Falls, Maine
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    JIMMY: Captain? Sensors detect Freddy the Flute on planet below. Shall I put a tractor beam on Witchiepoo?
     
  12. IMC Headquarters

    IMC Headquarters Captain Premium Member

    Joined:
    May 26, 2018
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    Empire Falls, Maine
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    Star Trek: Renegades--The Really Early Years by J.M Dillard.
     
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  13. Nerys Myk

    Nerys Myk Kang, now with ridges Premium Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2001
    Location:
    House of Kang
  14. Nerys Myk

    Nerys Myk Kang, now with ridges Premium Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    House of Kang
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    CHEKOV: The ship's barber...I will find him and kill him!!!!!
     
  15. Nerys Myk

    Nerys Myk Kang, now with ridges Premium Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    House of Kang
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    Please return to your seats and fasten your seat belts....
     
  16. Nerys Myk

    Nerys Myk Kang, now with ridges Premium Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    House of Kang
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    KIRK: The only reason you're here is to appeal to the kids. So get over there and and blend in!
     
  17. Mr Soak

    Mr Soak Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

    Joined:
    Nov 20, 2001
    Location:
    Mr Soak, [Redacted]
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    Kirk: Attention, Enterprise. This is your captain speaking. We have encountered a bit of space turbulence. Please fasten your seatbelts.
    Chekov: They won't be installed until Tuesday!
     
  18. Maurice

    Maurice Vice Admiral Premium Member

    Joined:
    Oct 17, 2005
    Location:
    One ferry ride from Starfleet HQ
    Hey thanks! The moment I saw his hands I had to do it.


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    CHEKOV: Wery funny Sulu. I see vhere your "hidden" spycam is,.


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    CHEKOV: How's my vig?

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    [*]: Hate, sweet delicious hate!
    CHEKOV: I vant to stab that #$%&ing pinvheel.
    [*]: YUM!


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    KIRK: You'll obey my orders, Chekov, or I'll have security confine you to be half out of shot like Peter—
    SPOCK: (ahem) Tommy Starnes.
    KIRK:Tommy and you won't get any closeups.


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    CHEKOV: Sorry, keptin, I forgot to set the parking brake!
     
  19. IMC Headquarters

    IMC Headquarters Captain Premium Member

    Joined:
    May 26, 2018
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    Empire Falls, Maine
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    KIRK: Ah Chekov. What fresh ways can we make you scream today? Security...
     
  20. tharpdevenport

    tharpdevenport Admiral Admiral

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    He was fartin' mad. Like a spitfire.