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TOS Caption Contest #128 - Record Time

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Even Jan Shutan couldn't swallow some of the lines in the script.
 
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REV. BONES:"Yo, we need a ride to come pick up our homie Carl now...you dig? The brother overdosed on the furburger!"
 
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The Honorable Reverend Doctor McCoy:
Yes Scotty, don't worry.... you'll get your usual cut, but, uh, things went a lil' awry down here cause you know the old saying: anything goes when it comes to ho's and pimpin' ain't easy.... I've been trying to hail you for an hour, but there's no rush now since Spocks been dead for a spell ...but where the hell were you.....Jerking off in engineering again?
 
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CARL:"The colors of the weed smoke...dude...it's like I can TASTE the colors."
 
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Scotty: And then there's this electronic Voodoo do-hickey we found in the Mirror-universe, Miss Smartie-pants. See what IT can do?
 
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Lt Romaine; BLEURRRGH

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Spock; BLEURRRGH.
McCoy; Enterprise, don't let anyone eat the...
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Sulu; ...fish!
Uhura; BLEEEERUUUUUUGGGGHHHHH.

(Yeah, that's all I got, I'm buying Dad the Airplane boxset for his birthday, an inspiration of sorts :p)
 
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Scotty: . . . then the 300 year old auto crashes over the cliff and the kid stands up. The officer says, "Who are you?" and the kid shouts back "JAMES TIBERIOUS KIRK!" I dinna kin who writes such shite . . . The Captain looked horrified and I heard him whisper to Mr. Spock, "Is that supposed to be ME?"

Mira: BWAHAHAHAHAHAA!!
 
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Mira: Lt. Palamas and you? No, really...you and Carolyn? Come on, you're joking...really...Carolyn? And you? You're serious, aren't you? My God. Nooo..........I'm sorry...give me a second...
 
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Scotty: "Aye lass, I'm a virgin. And the fact that I live with me mother has nothin ta do with it."
 
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McCoy: "Breaker..breaker.. 1 9. This is sawbones comin at cha. We got a green goblin tossin his cookies what's the 20 on the light show? Come back."
 
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Romaine: "Right tool for the right job," my ass! Oh, hold on... thinking about it makes me laugh... HAAAAA!
Scotty: Canna we forget about last night, lassie.
Romaine: Right tool...job... HA! HA! HA! You're such a tool.
 
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MIRA: But I don't want any of that. I'd rather--
SCOTTY: Rather what?!
MIRA: I'd rather...
[music]
...just... sing!
 
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Mira: "Not Me!" See the little "Not Me" ghost does all the bad things!!"

Scotty: (thinking) I dinna understand it. Every week she laughs her ass off and hands it to me so I can read it. But I dinna get it. The "Family Circus" is a crap cartoon! Och! I miss me Calvin and Hobbes!
 
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