Movie Caption Contest #141: I'm a Little Busy at the Moment

[Rat Boy]

Whenever you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, however, improbable, must be the next caption contest. First, let's mingle with...

For pointing out that maybe I do too many caption contests, our winner is...

Spock: "And now for your logical appreciation, Star Wars: Revent of the Sith."

And for proving that maybe some things aren't worth salvaging, our dual winners are...

DEANNA: Did anyone find my nude pictures of Will with the trombone in provocative positions?

LaForge: *shouting* "LISTEN UP, PEOPLE! COUNSELOR TROI IS LOOKING FOR HER PICTURES OF COMMANDER RIKER GIVING HER THE RUSTY TROMBONE!"

And for proving that you shouldn't complain while taking a long walk, our winner is...

Hawk: I'm getting tired. Can I just get assimilated and get it over with?

Picard: No.

Hawk: Why not?

Worf: Because I'm gonna shoot you too.

And for proving that some people prefer the original cut, our winner is...

Ru'afo: I changed my mind! I want the "Turns into a Child" Death instead!

And for demonstrating how Data managed to put himself through college, our winner is...

DATA: Why do I always get sent to jump start these jalopies?

Multiple Photoshop awards this time around, starting with one that hearkens back to a few weeks ago...

Next, we have proof that maybe there was a good reason why the crew was about to be retired...

"Valeris, your suggestion of a Klingon Bird of Prey is both non-plausible and whimsical. I can not even begin to explain how disappointed I am in your actions on this ship"

And finally, a little remastered blast from the past...

SPOCK OF AGES 2010

And lastly a special award for retro captioning...

Data: And yet, this is STILL a better death than what's supposed to happen.

Congratulations to the winners! This week, we attempt to get things back to normal around here. First, Captain Styles wonders if maybe he should suggest to Starfleet that they start putting a manicurist on ships. Second, Kruge decries the poor area coverage provided by AT&T. And finally, Shinzon gets ready to one-up Picard by having a hair transplant from Riker. Enjoy:

 

[Rat Boy]

Comm officer: "Yellow alert, captain to the bridge, yellow alert!"

Styles: "Bridge, this is the captain. How can you have a yellow alert in Spacedock?"

Comm officer: "Sir, the new Twilight movie is about to open in five minutes!"

Styles: "I'm on my way."

Kruge: "I ordered no interruptions!"

Torg: "But sir, the Raiders have traded down again in the draft."

Kruge: "Beam me up! Al Davis shall suffer for this dishonor!"

Shinzon: "What's up with their outfits?"

Viceroy: "Budget ran out on costumes."

Shinzon: "Christ, next thing you know, the Xindi will be begging us to loan them a few suits."

 

[Candlelight]

"Sir, it is Candlelight's birthday today! We should get him a gift."
"Kill one of these humans and gift wrap them. I don't care which."

 

[Rat Boy]

Comm officer: "Yellow alert, captain to the bridge, yellow alert!"

Styles: "Bridge, this is the captain. How can you have a yellow alert in Spacedock?"

Comm officer: "It's Candlelight's birthday and there's no telling what he'll Photoshop!"

Styles: "I'm on my way."

 

[cooleddie74]

STYLES: Captain's Personal Log...Stardate 8212.5...

I just cannot SEEM to get these nails to look fabulous. If I can't do that soon, I'll have to wear a different blouse to the dinner with the Admiralty.

KRUGE: The Enterprise has arrived? GREAT SCOTT!

LIEUTENANT: I know, My Lord...this is heavy.

SHINZON: I asked for three White Russians...NOT two Remans in white lab coats!! SEND THEM BACK!!!

 

[cooleddie74]

KRUGE: Well, let me know if there is any change in Maltz's condition.



He's dead.

 

[Rat Boy]

Kruge: "You told me she looked like Kirstie Alley!"

 

[bullethead]

Captain Styles contemplates how to win Starfleet's "Dick Captain of the Year" Award.

Maltz: Captain, we're being bombarded with Hannah Montana, Twilight, and iCarly video streams.
Kruge: You fool, find the source and blow it up!
Maltz: Captain, I'm pretty sure some teenage girls are behind this and it would be dishonorable to-
Kruge: Remember what happened to the guy who blew up that ship I wanted to capture? When I'm done dealing with your incompetence, you'll wish you had been the one to get vaporized!

Shinzon: What do you want?
Viceroy: The men want a trip to Risa.
Shinzon: Oh wow, the men want to sleep with easy women! Never mind the fact that the entire crew will end up with an STD or that the bright sunlight will burn their eyes out! I swear, there are probably human teenagers with better self-restraint!

(sighs)
​

Fine, we'll go after we waste Earth.

 

[SeerSGB]

"Dear diary, how can I be a bigger douchebag today?"
or

Styles: How can there be a yellow alert in spacedock?

Bridge: Oh, I don't know, how about the massive cigar shaped screeching, tube of doom that barreling down on us? That a good enough reason for ya?

 

[Maurice]

In that moment Styles knew he would be only the first gay captain of the Excelsior.

KRUGE: I gave them both a "time out" for this Genesis naughtiness. Don't make me give you one too, Kirk!

VICEROY: L&M is best. Stands out from all the rest.
REMAN 1: How easy they draw!
REMAN 2: How mild they are!
SHINZON: Why do I get the feeling your medical "experts" are trying to kill me?

 

[SeerSGB]

Communicator: We've detected a Federation battlecruiser entering orbit.

Kruge: Remain cloaked, run silent, manually release a dozen photons with proximity triggers along their flight path and move to a higher orbit on thrusters only...

...what? What did you think I'd do, beam up, drop my cloak, and let them get the first shot? That'd be fucking stupid.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Stiles: "Oh, geez! This isn't a nail file; it's a cheese grater! I wonder if the CMO can re-grow my fingertips..."

David (whispering): "Okay, we'll only get one shot at this! On the count of three, I'll push Spock out of the way to safety while you take out the Klingons!"
Saavik: "Apparently, when I said earlier, 'So like your father,' I spoke too soon."

Viceroy: "The men elected me to speak for them. And we certainly mean no disrespect, sir. But...we were wondering if you could, maybe, start wearing a ski mask or something during mealtimes...?"

Stiles (presses intercom button): "XO, I was just thinking...that new officer, Ensign Gaga? When she fills out her crew data sheet, let me know what she puts down under 'Sex.'"

 

[Gil T.Azell]

Styles: "God I'm an arrogant S.O.B.

Maltz: (in his best Dan Fielding voice)"Sir let me at this Savik, she's hot, and I'll get it into her... I mean out of her!"

 

[Nerys Myk]

KRUGE: And find out who does their hair. I'm thinking of getting a perm.

 

[LeadHead]

Thanks for the Wins!

Yellow Alert! Captain to the Bridge! Yellow Alert!

Styles: Bridge, this is the Captain. How do you have a Yellow Alert in Spacedock?

It's Really easy, it's right next to the Red Alert Button.

Kruge: Maltz Activate Beam!

Maltz: (Over comm) What beam? We've got Disruptor Beams, Transporter Beams, Fresh out of Tractor Beams, we just had a run on those.

Viceroy: It is time for the Procedure.

Shinzon: Too late, this film is DOA.

 

[Gepard]

Thanks for the win! Time to try for a repeat performance.

 

[Rat Boy]

Styles: "Those assholes are all jealous that I incorporated a Pez dispenser into my riding crop."

 

[Nerys Myk]

SHINZON: Wow!!!! Were you guys always this ugly?

 

[LeadHead]

Styles: I wonder what that stick is supposed to be used for, I'd better carry it around until somebody finally explains it to me...

Torg: (over comm) My lord, our Engineer needs your assistance, the Cloaking Device is not powering up properly. How much energy do we need to generate for it to work?

Kruge: I.21 Giggawatts!

 

[LeadHead]

SHINZON: Wow!!!! Were you guys always this ugly?

Viceroy: Look who's talking.