Movie Caption Contest #139: The Revenge Of Special FX, Part One!

[Rat Boy]

Well, looks like we had another successful April Fool's Star Wars contest and thanks to all of you for playing along once again. Before we get back to some semblance of normalcy around here, first let's take care of...

For noting that Jake Lloyd probably picked up a trick or two from Arnold Schwarzenegger during the filming of Jingle All The Way, our winner is...

ANAKIN: I like you.

That's why...in about 13 or 14 years...I'm going to Force-strangle you LAST.

If only he picked up a joke or two from Sinbad. For demonstrating why an alliance consisting of a king who's speech sounds like an overactive intestinal track, an alien with a bad Asian accent, and the Man with the Golden Gun was doomed to failure, our winner is...

Dooku: I didn't get a harumph out of that guy!
Poggle: Give the Count a harumph!
Aide: Harumph!
Dooku: You watch your ass!

In the "Not Bloody Likely" Category, our winner is...

Samuel L. Jackson: Maybe this will make Lakeview Terrace watchable.

In the "When did this turn into a Looney Tunes BBS" category, our winner is...

KENOBI: Now you run through it.
LUKE: Ho! Ha ha! Guard! Turn! Perry! Dodge! Spin! HA! Thrust!

For getting them every time, our winner is...

Lando: "He's lookin' pretty good now, huh, Vader? One more belt of Colt .45 and you'll be in looove!"

And for showing that George might have been out of touch with the fanbase long before midichlorians and Jar-Jar Binks, our winner is...

Ackbar: It's a Trap!

George Lucas: I don't like that line, it'll never take.

Finally, we have two Photoshop winners from two titans of the art. First, we see how much film-making has changed over the years...

LEE: Ah George, will there be anyother actors in today?

And we discover Admiral Ackbar's lesser known expression was "Tits or GTFO"...

"It's a rack!"

(Special thanks to Scarlett Johansen for her cameo this week)

It is indeed a rack; Ryan Reynolds is one lucky SOB. Congratulations to the winners! This week, we once again salute the VFX artistry of the Star Trek movies or lack thereof. First, while the camera may add ten pounds, a matte painting can add ten thousand tons. Next, we see why it's so important to drive cautiously during a heavy fog. Third, do take note of the look of glee on Sulu's face. In our fourth, George and Gracie wonder just like the audience when the hell Kirk and Gillian are going to do it. And finally, a visual depiction of Shatner's chances of directing another Star Trek film plummeting to the Earth. Next week, we'll do the next five films, but for now, enjoy:

 

[Rat Boy]

Decker: "You do know we parked in a handicapped spot, right?"

Ilia: "The carbon units will move Enterprise or else V'Ger will tow it to the impound yard."

Kirk: "I hate it when they leave their high-beams on."

Scotty: "Don't you think we should go easy on them, not beat up their ship too much?"

Kirk: "Pffffffffft. Like we'll ever need that piece of junk."

Kirk, Scott, and Gillian (thinking): Finally, I'm not the fattest one on the ship.

Kirk: "Funny, El Capitan seems taller than I remember on the way up."

 

[cooleddie74]

KIRK: Maybe holding a concert for the crew at Red Rocks in the middle of the night WASN'T a great idea after all...

Objects in the rear-view nebula may appear closer and more poorly superimposed than they actually are.(TM)

"Stop asking if they go good with BBQ sauce, Scotty.

Honestly...it's getting creepy."

Kirk took the brown acid.

And it happened to be the one with the lowest budget.

 

[B.J.]

Thanks for the win!

That's the last time I take advice from that stupid coyote and buy from ACME!

 

[Rat Boy]

Sulu: "You know, maybe it'd be easier to see them if we had a window."

Kirk: "A window? On the bridge? Are you out of your mind?"

 

[Maurice]

In the "When did this turn into a Looney Tunes BBS" category, our winner is...

Thanks for the win! And here I was thinking that quote was too obscure!

KIRK: Enterprise!
BONES: Enterprise!
DECKER: Enterprise!
ILIA PROBE: It's only a matte shot.
SPOCK: Shhhh!

KIRK: <singing> Blinded by the light...oh shit!

SULU: Sharp's new Quattron adds a fourth pixel color: yellow! OH MY!
SCOTTY: That's racist!

SCOTTY: I think the wee beasties are happy to see you're still not wearin' a bra.
KIRK: Am too!
GILLIAN: He means me, you dope.

SPOCK: Awwww, the poor Captain. He fall down and go BOOM!

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Thanks for the win, Rat Boy!

Spock: "It appears we have run into a giant corkboard."
Kirk: "Well, who the hell was driving!"

Spock: "Get off my road, chicken!!!"
Kirk: "Spock, calm yourself!"

Kirk: "Cripes, it looks like a big chicken taking a crap! No wonder they installed a cloaking device on it!"

Gillian (whispering): "I don't mean to be indelicate, Captain, but...I've heard Mr. Scott is a big seafood fan..."
Kirk: "...I'll put a 24-hour guard on the whales."

Kirk: "Oh, shit! I think we forgot our spacesuits!"

 

[Deranged Nasat]

Mutara Nebula, out in space, which ship wins in this space-race?

*image shimmers in*

*Queen E fumes*.

Enterprise to Spacedock. Have Yorktown take Reliant out into the woods and kill her. Bring me the warp core as proof.

Kirk: Romulan ship-
Kruge (over intercom): We're not Romulan.
Kirk: Romulan ship, you will stand down and-
Kruge: We're not Romulans!
Kirk: Yeah? You're in a bird-shaped ship with red wing-markings painted on. Who else are you gonna be?
Kruge: Look, the script was changed after they already built the damn model.
Sulu: You really think we're that dumb?

Gracie: "So who are our babies gonna breed with, eh? One another?"

Kirk: "PLEASE CONTINUE YOUR REPORT, SCOTTY. IT SOUNDED FOR A MOMENT AS IF SOMEONE GURGLED SOMETHING, BUT CLEARLY IT IS NOT SO"

Gracie: "No, seriously, how are you going to repopulate our species with only two of us?"

Scotty: "INDEED, ADMIRAL, OUR PLAN TO SAVE THE WHALES PROCEEDS ENTIRELY AS PLANNED. THERE ARE NO FORESEEABLE FLAWS".

Gracie: "What, our son and daughter are gonna get at it? Or we go the parent-child route?"

Scotty: "NO. NO FORESEEABLE FLAWS AT ALL!!!"

The vengeance of Shatner.

He clasps the crag with crooked hands, close to the sun in lonely lands. Ringed with the critical viewing world he stands. The angry fans beneath him crawl. He watches from his mountain wall. And like a thunderbolt, he falls.

 

[Nerys Myk]

SPOCK: A signal from the ship in Morse Code...

KIRK: What's the message?

SPOCK: S-O-L-O-N-G-S-U-C-K-E-R-S

GRACIE ( to Scotty): Hey big boy you like pregnant chicks?

GEORGE: Hey,I'm right here!!!!!

KIRK: Cliff surfing seemed like a good idea on paper.

 

[Nerys Myk]

CHEKOV: I don zink dats zee Reliant.

 

[Rat Boy]

Kirk: "Wait, I've seen this episode. We have to decompress the shuttlebay instead of using the tractor beam!"

 

[UssGlenn]

Shatner: So this is that Blue Screen of Death I've been hearing about?

 

[LeadHead]

Thanks for the Wins!

Spock: Captain, we have found the evil place where all Styrofoam packing peanuts originate.

Spock: I am sorry Admiral, I neglected to inform you that the Mutara Nebula is connected to the Massive Strobe Light Nebula.

Kirk: Scotty you hit their bathroom! Why didn't you target something like their engines or weapons?

Scotty: Sorry Sir, the Chimpanzee and 2 Trainees were doing the targeting.

Scotty: What do you think of my transporter work Captain?

Kirk: Not bad, but would it have killed ya to beam up some Salmon too? I'm starved.

Kirk: Maybe I should have made sure the Transporters were working before I jumped off the Shuttlecraft...

 

[Gepard]

KIRK [on the way down]: "Hey."

PUMA MAN [on the way up]: "S'up."

 

[Skywalker]

Kirk: "The alien mothership is in orbit here. If we can hit that bullseye, the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards! Checkmate."
Bones: *sigh*

Sulu: "Ooooh! My favorite episode!"

 

[Rat Boy]

KIRK [on the way down]: "Hey."

PUMA MAN [on the way up]: "S'up."

Kirk: "Mind explaining why Blofeld over there keeps pronouncing it 'Pew-ma?'"

 

[Candlelight]

Cheers for the win!

Spock (inside): "...and don't come back until you've cleaned the whole hull."

Kirk: "We'll be fine. I doubt anything bad will come from this."
Spock: "It appears Nicholas Meyer is driving-"
Kirk: "HARD TO STARBOARD!!!"

Kirk: "Sulu, I commend your driving skills, now kindly activate the wipers and clean that bird off the windscreen."

Kirk: "Saved the girl, saved the planet, saved the whales, heck we even service your car whale you wait"
Gillian: "Kill me now"

Somehow, despite all predictions to the contrary, William Shatner fell off his own ego.

 

[Maurice]

KIRK: Right standard rudder!
SULU: Right standard rudder, aye!
KIRK: Why aren't we turning?!
SPOCK: Because a) a rudder is useless in a near vacuum, and b) we don't have...
C R A S H ! ! !

 

[T'Boggan]

Kirk; Ok Spock you can come in now, but NO more plumik soup!

Kirk; i don like these light conditions. It makes Dogging a real pain!

Sulu: P-h-a-l-i-c... Look it up in the dictionary you fat idiot!
Kirk; Tee hee! he said Dick.

Kirk; Scotty, you did remember to beam up 4 trillion tons of Krill didnt you?

Scotty; Aye! it was marvelous on toast.

Kirk; ~Sigh!

Kirk; Is that Sulu naked on a trampoline down there?

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Kirk: turns round, presses button on key fob, Enterprise lights flash and doors click "What are we waiting for? Let's go."

Kirk: "What does God need with dry ice?"
McCoy: "Dammit Jim, that joke is getting old now."

Scotty: "That Klingon bastard just mooned us!"
Sulu: "Where? Where!"

Scott: "Aye Admiral, the warp drive is kaput, but if we strap these whales to the hull, crack open their skulls and electroshock their brains, they'll serve as propulsion units."

Kirk: "In the event of an emergency, my stomach is designed to inflate for use as a crash mat."