TOS Temporary Caption Contest #1: Look, Don't Touch

[Nebusj]

``Is ... is that a girl?''
``That's a girl.''
``Are those ... boots?''
``Those are boots.''
``Is that ... nail polish?''
``That's nail polish.''
``Is that a hair scrunchie?''
``[ Sigh ] This is gonna take a while.''

Uhura's great crack about Kirk's hairpiece is suppressed when she realizes her own hair has moved about three inches too far forward.

 

[Trekker4747]

Rand: "It gets bigger, right?"
Charlie: "Huh. I think *I'm* bigger than that."

Spock [thinking] "Great, the captain has wandered onto the bridge naked again."
Uhura "Gee. Charlie was right."

 

[Nerys Myk]

CHARLIE: N-n-n-no pants?

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Kirk: "Damn Charlie! Feet? It's only been a few minutes. It took me three years to develop my first fetish."
Charlie: "Are there any bananas on board ship?"

Spock: "Why yes Captain, I shagged her. I shagged her rotten. How can you tell?"

 

[Diesel Micky Dolenz]

Rand: "Captain, young Charlie here won't stop staring at my boobs.... Captain?"
Kirk: "Hmmm? What? Were you saying something, yeoman?"

Having Dr. McCoy perform his physicals at each crewman's duty station seemed like a good time-saver, until he got to the nude jumping jacks.

 

[Triskelion]

Rand: Thanks for carrying my shopping, Charlie. Can you hold my tricorder a sec -
Kirk: See Charlie? This is the line between man and eunuch.
Charlie: It's a catch 22. If I comply I'll ingratiate myself to her; but will have nothing left of my manhood with which to pitch woo.
Kirk: Oh, Charlie. You stepped over it already. No means no, Rand!

Spock: I did not understand that last caption.
Uhura: Should I get the wet noodles Mr Spock?
Spock: Proceed.

 

[Diesel Micky Dolenz]

Spock: "Yeoman Rand, new piercings or not, regulations do not permit you to 'air these puppies out.'"

 

[Shatmandu]

Charlie: "My entertainment tapes were from something called BET."
Kirk: "I see ..."
Charlie: "Where's this bitch's vajayjay, mutha-fukka?"

Uhura: "My hairstyle?"
Spock: "It's called 'Twenty Minutes in a Restroom Stall.'"

 

[Rat Boy]

Spock: "Is it too much to ask for me to let her go down on me with a little peace and quiet?"

Charlie: "Is...that a girl?"

Kirk: "I know, hard to tell from this angle, isn't it?"

 

[Michael]

Charlie [thinking]: Must ... hide ... stiffy!

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Charlie: "Is that a..."
Kirk: "Yes, Charlie, Yeoman Rand is a girl."
Charlie: "Are those..."
Kirk: "Yes Charlie, those are legs..."
Charlie: "Are those..."
Kirk: "Yes, Charlie, those are breasts. Remember what we talked about. Look, but don't nuzzle..."
Charlie: "Is that a..."
Kirk: "Yes, Charlie, that's a penis. Yeoman Rand is special."

 

[Mistral]

Charlie: "She has six toes!"

Kirk: "By God, you're right! I've never really looked that far down before."

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Charlie: "She has six toes!"

Kirk: "By God, you're right! I've never really looked that far down before."

Kirk: "Hmm, that explains how a blonde could count to 21."

 

[Shatmandu]

Kirk: "Well, Charlie, I suppose it depends on what you've got in the bag ..."

Uhura: "There ... were ... two ..."
Spock: "Who's the double-dicked trick who's a hit with all the chicks?"

 

[Nerys Myk]

KIRK: What's in the bag?

CHARLIE: A few keep sakes from the Antares.

RAND: Do you smell something rank?

 

[Shatmandu]

<Charlie rolls his eyes back, and Rand grows a 14-inch black penis.>
Charlie: "I'm going to like it here."

 

[cooleddie74]

CHARLIE:"Neat.

Look! A Mercury head dime."

 

[cooleddie74]

KIRK:"You can stop staring now, Charlie.

Janice won't sleep with you until at least the second night anyways."

UHURA:"Who is THAT?"

SPOCK:"Unsure. But he looks a lot younger and has more facial bruises than our previous captain."

 

[Gary7]

Kirk: "Yeoman, c'mon... he's no longer a boy and he needs his 'education.'"
Charlie: "I'm all set--brought the air bed and everything. Captain, can you show me first how it's done?"

Uhura: "Doctor, I'm alright now. Mr. Spock seems to know CPR really well!"
Spock: "Indeed."

Charlie: "OK, I brought the booze like you asked. Only one girl? Are we gonna share her, Captain?"

 

[Gary7]

Charlie: "Wow, what's that black shadow stuff on her legs?"

Kirk: "That's pantyhose, Charlie. You know, nylon stockings."

Charlie: "It looks amazing... Can I wear some too?"

Kirk: "I tell you what, I'll get you a nice pair of red tights you can prance around in later."