TOS Temporary Caption Contest #1: Look, Don't Touch

[Rat Boy]

Kirk: "Well, this isn't what I had in mind when I wanted to do 'Two Girls, One Bottle,' but it'll have to do."

 

[Gary7]

Rand: "Captain, when did our mission change to 'Seek out and rescue the homeless?'"

 

[Gary7]

Charlie: "Hey, look at all the great stuff I got at the new Wal*mart that just opened up on deck 20!"

 

[Gary7]

Spock: "I am aware that she put it in the wrong place, Doctor. But it's the thought that counts."
Uhura: "Ohhhh... I feel so stupid."

 

[Shatmandu]

Charlie: "I got you some crotchless panties."
Rand: "Uh ..."
Charlie: "I got a double-XL, because Captain Kirk told me how huge yours was ..."

Spock: "Then the crewmembers in the quarters next to mine shouldn't listen so hard, I suppose, Captain."

 

[Ayelbourne]

Uhura felt so attracted to the mysterious Mr. Spock, that even her hair pointed in his direction.

 

[Alrik]

Spock: "The pony tail had its advantages when doing it doggie sty-."

Uhura: "SPOCK."

Spock: "However the new look is very becoming."

 

[Alrik]

Charlie: "Captain. I...I think it just growled at me."

Kirk: "Easy Charlie. You'll find that Rand can make it do a great many things."

Spock: "Fascinating. I was unaware that lapdances on the bridge were against regulations."

 

[cooleddie74]

UHURA:"Since when does the red alert light have a CFL bulb in it?!"

 

[cooleddie74]

CHARLIE:"I sure hope those aren't spider veins or heroin tracks."

 

[Hambone]

KIRK: What?

RAND: He said he could hear it "speaking" to him.

CHARLIE: Shh! There it is again!

 

[cooleddie74]

CHARLIE:"You wear Keds?

That does it. I...I can't sleep with you."

 

[Nerys Myk]

KIRK: I told you not to wear the mirror shoes.

 

[cooleddie74]

KIRK:"He suffers from temporary flash blindness, Yeoman. Guide him to a guest cabin...then make him a man."

 

[Alrik]

Rand: "Why yes Captain, the piercings are new. It was kind of you to notice."

 

[cooleddie74]

CHARLIE:"Is that...is that one of those new 8-track players the microtapes on my old ship used to tell me about?"

 

[Alrik]

UHURA:"Sorry we're late sir. Spock was just showing me the true meaning of 'double dipping'."

 

[cooleddie74]

Two Humanoids, One Cup was even more disturbing in person...live...on a starship bridge...than it ever was on a viewscreen.

 

[Alrik]

Kirk: "Are you sure you can handle us both?"

Rand: "Oh puh-leeeze. By the time you get done with you two, niether one of you will be able to walk for a week."

 

[cooleddie74]

CHARLIE:"Yes, sir.

I...I have nothing but hardcore porn in this bag."