TOS Temporary Caption Contest #1: Look, Don't Touch

[Shatmandu]

Kirk immediately regretting asking Charlie where he wanted to sleep that night.

Charlie: "I could fix that grossly-misshapen labia for you, Janice."

 

[Alrik]

Charlie: "I...I'm not sure I can do this sir."

Kirk: "Take it easy Charlie and do it just the way I told you. Janice will be gentle."

Charlie: "But I just followed her up the stairs and I swear that thing looked like it could eat ME."

 

[cooleddie74]

CHARLIE:"Is...is that...

Are you a HO?"

 

[Shatmandu]

Charlie: "Is that a condom dispenser?"

 

[cooleddie74]

CHARLIE:"You still use analog tape players?

Send me back to the crash site. NOW."

 

[Shatmandu]

Kirk: "There are a million things in this universe you can have and a million things you can't have ..."
<Charlie's shoulders fall.>
Kirk: "... and what you're looking at is one thing you can definitely get ahold of."

 

[cooleddie74]

KIRK:"First thing we need to go is get you a new set of clothes.

Because THAT jacket?

Gayer than a three-credit note chip."

 

[Shatmandu]

Rand: "Jeez. Take a picture. It'll last longer."
<Charlie pulls camera from bag, drops to floor, and takes several pictures up her skirt before Kirk drags him away.>

 

[Rat Boy]

Charlie: "Her hair looks like the end of my wee-wee."

*Kirk laughs himself to death*

 

[cooleddie74]

Young Charlie was sensitive.

It was far too easy for go-go boots to hurt his feelings.

 

[enan]

Spock: Indeed; Captain I will see your yeoman and raise you a communications officer

Kirk was not sure how to break it to Janice that he had lost not only Charlie to Spock it the weekly card game but her as well.

 

[Dohlman]

Janice: Don't look so glum. I told both you boys last night that you'd have to clear out in the morning.

 

[Alrik]

Spock: "Captain. I can personally attest to Miss Uhura's oral capabilities."

Kirk: "Okay Spock. I get it. She can suck a golf ball through a garden hose...but can she handle Communications?"

 

[Shatmandu]

Charlie: "I read that Vulcan women have two. You got any Vulcan women on board?"

 

[Gary7]

Janice: "I'm sorry boys, but I don't do anything without these."

Charlie: "But... I've never... when I came aboard!!"

 

[Shatmandu]

Rand: "I'll check to see if they make a 'Needle Dick' size."

 

[Rat Boy]

Rand: "This is John Connor? The savior of the human race?"

Kirk: "Weird, I know."

 

[Alrik]

Rand: "Of course they're ribbed for my pleasure. Do I look like an idiot?"

 

[cooleddie74]

CHARLIE:"My mother was killed by a beehive."

 

[cooleddie74]

SPOCK:"She's MY old lady, bee-yotch.

You want that I should serve you?"