TOS Caption Contest #139: Insert Horrible Pun Here

[Shatmandu]

Hiya, folks.

Wow, that was a great one! Nine awards!

There are two first time winners, and Nerys Myk gots FOUR wins and Triskelion TWO. I don't know if we've had two multiple winners before.

The best of a terrific batch were:

SPOCK: Cable guy!
JUMPSUIT: I've been waiting since 8am!!!!!!

Yellow shirt: "Hmmm. These just aint been the same since they lost the peanut butter flavour. I mean, coffee? Who likes coffee-flavour? Ruddy disgrace, if you ask me".
Red shirt: "There's a Romulan warship on viewer".

Edith: A man named Beckwith says he's running from you.
Kirk: Who?
Edith: Nevermind. Let's go see that war vet Trooper.
Kirk: Who?

KIRK: Your webpage sucks.

And then a slew of photoshops that rang my bell:

Spock: Captain, I think I've found something rather disturbing.

Spock rightclicks and saves.

EDITH: There's Mister Spock.
ARCHIE: Aw Geez, I get enough of his half breed interference at work.
EDITH: Yoo hoo Mister Spock!!!
ARCHIE: Just cross the street, dingbat.

Nicely done, all. Most impressive.

This week's shots are:

It's all yours.

Joe, not all yours


TOS Caption Contest Pantheon of Winners

26138 (2x)
A beaker full of death (4x)
Adam Ihle (4x)
AlphaTrionTJW
Alrik
Alyssa (3x)
ancient
Atavachron (2x)
Bad Atom (2x)
Battrekker
brian
Cakes488
CaptainJon
captain crow
Captain Kate (2x)
Classic Fan
commodore64
cooleddie74 (23x)

cultcross
DeafPoet
Defcon (2x)
Deranged Nastat ****FIRST TIME WINNER! WOO-HOO!****
Diesel Micky Dolenz (12x)
Dohlman
DrBob (11x)
DS9Sega (7x)
EliyahuQeoni (3x)
EnsignHarper
FishDS9
galleywest (4x)
Gary7 (2x)
Gertch (25x)

goldbug (3x)
Guartho
Haggis and Tatties
Hambone (2x)
highlander (12x)
Isis
Jackson_Roykirk
J. Allen (2x)
jayrath
Jeri
Johnnyracefan
John_Picard (4x)
jptrekker
Kahloke
Kegek (2x)
Kirby
KJM
Mallory (4x)
MGagen
middyseafort (8x) ****BIG WINNER****
Mistral (2x)
Mojochi
M'Sharak (14x)
NCC-1701 (7x)
Nebusj
Nerys Myk (35x)

****FOUR WINS IN ONE CONTEST!*****
Noname Given (2x)
NTRPRZ
Outpost4 (16x)

Quo Vadimus
Rat Boy (41!x)

Redfern
SciFi75 (5x)
scottydog (20x)

Sector 7
Shatmandu (25x)

Shaw ****FIRST TIME WINNER! WOO-HOO!****
shivkala
Sir Rhosis (2x)
S'Kai
Super Grover
Tan Ru
T'Bonz (8x)
terranova
Tharpdevenport (3x)
the 4th hanson bro (4x)
TheGallifreyanSith
The Castellan
The Cutest of Borg (2x)
The Laughing Vulcan (18x)

The Old Mixer
The Squire of Gothos (11x)
The Tone (2x)
TigerOfDarkness (2x)
Tim M (3x)
Toban Kal
Triskelion (16x)

****TWO WINS IN ONE CONTEST!*****
Tristan
Turbo (2x)
UssGlenn
vassa
Ward Fowler (4x)
Woulfe (4x)
Zachery Smith

Mudd Club

 

[Shatmandu]

Chekov: "Well, the Russians did inwent the paper bag ..."

McCoy: "Here. Run this over your women's ladyparts before you have sex with them."

Spock's horrifically-filthy limericks really livened things up on those boring days.

Kirk: "TWENTY-THIRD CENTURY SKIDOO!"

 

[Rat Boy]

Chekov: "Dis Chocolate Factory ain't so bad."

McCoy: "Here, fill this."

Kirk: "No problem; I had a couple beers with lunch."

McCoy: "It's not that kind of sample, Jim."

Announcer: "Star Trek was filmed before a live studio audience."

Kirk: "Ha! Who's the fastest man in the world now, Usain?"

*SMACK*

 

[Triskelion]

Whoo hoo! Whoo hoo!

I'm sorry I ever complained about those Ukrainian farm girls.

McCoy: Jim, would you like to take my lucky medical tricorder wand on your date tonight?
Kirk: That depends. Have you ever pleasured two Orion village bicycles and a frigid Horta?

It's not flat. It's a Vulcan superfluous foreskin.

The women, Spock! The women!

 

[Rulius]

Check-off are you ready for your eneema?

By throwing MCcoy in Sulu's way, Kirk survived Sulu's rampage of lust.

 

[The Squire of Gothos]

Inexplicably, Chekov suddenly found himself missing Sulu.

Chekov; "What is this Snoo-snoo"?
Frankengirl; <whisper whisper>
Chekov; "KEPTEN!"

 

[Deranged Nasat]

Thanks for the win!

"Your friends left without you, didn't they, sweetie?"

"They said it vas the three-fifteen howertrain. Then I found they had all taken the two-forty. First class all the vay. And I? I am left to take the nightmare that is Fourth-class on the three-fifteen. Vhy do they do this, madam? Vhy?"

".......

........

......Can I get you a muffin, sweetie? They's made up in the cockpit by Roger, when he aint at the brake control"

"No. Thank you".

 

[Deranged Nasat]

"Well I just can't take much more of this. Cleaning my quarters is hard work. If only I had something more effective than this cloth"

*hand shoots in*

(Annoyingly cheerful voice):"Well, captain, you're in luck! With the new, patented, all purpose Roomer-Ranger, you and all overworked starship captains can rest assured that work...will no longer be a chore!"

"Oh, greaaat. In-show commercials. Thanks a bunch, Bones".

"It's not my fault we don't get a blasted salary from this, is it, Jim?"

The crew had whispered of the Cargo Bay Spider, but Kirk scoffed. There was no spider, certainly not "one of those big brown ones" as Scotty tremously claimed. As far as Kirk could tell, they were imagining it. And then, just as he was about to call the all clear, he saw it.

 

[Deranged Nasat]

Spock: "It is as I claim, captain. The commander of the Enterprise is bald. The Klingons are our allies and the Romulans have brow ridges. Also, there is a robot instead of a Vulcan. Mock me if you will, I was in it. So were you, Mr. Scott, so I don't know what you're laughing about".

Scotty (thinking, desperate) If they know I ever get that portly, they'll never give me a break!



(Sorry for the triple post, I just realized! It won't happen again!)

 

[Triskelion]

Kirk: Assless chaps, Spock? Request denied.

 

[Isis]

Chekhov: "Nyet--I said I vant a terrific thrill, not a horrific thrall."

Kirk: "I know you said Earth comedy intrigues you. But really, a whoopee cushion on Sarek's chair?"

 

[Rat Boy]

The crew discovers that Vulcans fart helium.

 

[tharpdevenport]

McCoy: "Jim ... ah ... when I said we'd be collecting tribble sperm to analyze, I meant we'd be using this. You can let go now..."

 

[Shatmandu]

Kirk: "Fuckin'-A."

McCoy: "I've done your physicals. You sure these are necessary?"
Kirk: "I'm a grower!"

 

[galleywest]

Kirk: Thank you, Ensign Thing.

Kirk: You and Uhura? In your alternate reality dreams, Spock!

Running through the halls of the USS Cinderblock.

 

[Nerys Myk]

Four in one. Wow. I owe it all to clean living and a heathy diet. Thanks

As music from the Crying Game began to play, Chekov felt his sphincter tighten.

Nope, still fat.

"....and only five crewmen died."

All laugh

Kirk ran as fast as he could from the screening of Star Trek V

 

[Captain Crow]

McCoy: Would you like some pepper?

Kirk: No thanks.

Slocombean: You are my prisoner and I am unanimous in that.

[Spock's cell phone rings]

Spock's Ring Tone: I'm too sexy for my shirt....

Running Kirk: See Running Spock I can run too.

 

[Rulius]

Slocombean: You are my prisoner and I am unanimous in that.






Rofl!!

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Chekov: "Your name is Helga? Vhy am I not surprised?"

McCoy: "They say with your mechanical arm, you can change gears in one-sixtieth of a second, would you care to comment on that?"

Nimoy: "... and in the future, Ronald Reagan will be President."

Kirk: "Meep Meep!"

 

[Isis]

Tamoon: "Cheekhov--coffee, tea, or me?"
Chekhov: "How 'bout vun of that famous Russian inwention, the womit bag?"

"But Sir, she insisted she wasn't married."