Contest: ENTER TNG Caption This! #570: Happy New Year!

[IMC Headquarters]

FISH ALIEN: May we have a glass of water?

 

[IMC Headquarters]

MAN: These are for Aunt Esmeralda. Totally different doorknobs. Totally different.

 

[IMC Headquarters]

FISH ALIEN: Starfleet? Pardon us. There seems to be some sort of mistake. We were looking for Star Kist.

 

[TribbleFeeder]

Thanks for the win, LeadHead!!!!

 

[Nerys Myk]

YAR (Thinking) Oh my god! Just what I need for my Tom Servo cosplay! I gotta talk the price down!

 

[Gepard]

MARCUS: Where do we send the Captain Picard Day entries, again?

 

[Nerys Myk]

Many Bothans died to bring us this information.

You grab his wallet. I'll get his watch.

PULASKI: When is Lindsey Buckingham coming back?

 

[TribbleFeeder]

Many Bothans died to bring us this information.

 

[Herbert]

Alien (whose name I can't recall at the moment): And here we have <click, lights dim> oh dear.....
Picard: Computer, reset light levels from "mood lighting" to normal......Wait a minute, why do we have a conference room light setting called "mood lighting?"
Riker: <looks guilty> Uh, I don't know.

 

[Herbert]

Pulaski: They appear to be in stasis. Who's up for a little Fish Slapping Dance?

 

[Herbert]

FISH ALIEN: Starfleet? Pardon us. There seems to be some sort of mistake. We were looking for Star Kist.

Pulaski: Sorry, Charlie

 

[Doc Mugatu]

T'Jon: Of course, for a modest upgrade fee, we can rib them for your pleasure.

Yar: Make it so! Then have one sent to my quarters and the other wrap as gift for Counselor Troi.

 

[Doc Mugatu]

Riker: You may want to keep me on a medium shot as I now command a "pants optional" starship, and I opt not to wear any!

 

[Doc Mugatu]

Alien: Now as you see here - sorry, Mr. LaForge - the sperm is highly motile and makes its way to the female egg in order to fertilize it, and that's how human babies are conceived. Any questions?

Picard: Are you sure? Sounds pretty hit and miss to me.

Riker: So where do the lady boobs come into play?

Data: Captain, why are you and Commander Riker naked from the waist down?

Worf: I'm surprised. I always assumed Mr. Riker was packing something more than a … uhm … micro-bat'leth.

LaForge: Well, Mr. Worf, you know what they say when you "assume?" You make an "ass" of "U" and … , well in this case, just you.

 

[Herbert]

Riker: Oh sure, you may be a whatever level grandmaster in Strategema but I'll kick your Zakdornian ass in Stratego.
Kolrami: That's not nearly funny enough for a caption contest, you know.
Herbert: Hey, I'm bored at work okay. Leave me alone.
Riker and Kolrami: <looking around and in unison> Who said that?

 

[Doc Mugatu]

LaForge: Be honest doctor, how bad is it?

Dr. Pulaski: Mr. LaForge, I've cautioned you and Mr. O'Brien before on the dangers of alien STDs. One of these days you both are going to contract one I won't be able to treat.

O'Brien: Sorry, Doc, I guess we are just slaves to our depraved biological urges. Listen, Keiko doesn't need to know about this does she? She was none to happy about me having a bachelor party to begin with.

Dr. Pulaski: She won't here about it from me, but she may just figure it out on her own.

 

[Honorable Ensign]

Thanks for the wins!

David Marcus: These are the Main Character shields. You'll be using my old one from the 'Genesis' days.

Yar: Thanks, mine's been on the fritz lately.

 

[Noname Given]

Rebel Leader: "The approach will not be easy. You are required to maneuver straight down this trench and skim the surface to this point. The target area is only two meters wide..."

 

[IMC Headquarters]

PICARD: Mr Worf? Give him back the remote...

 

[IMC Headquarters]

PULASKI: Commander Riker...Counsellor Troi??? This is the worst case of "been-in-the-bathtub-too-long" I've ever seen.