Contest: ENTER TNG Caption This! #570: Happy New Year!

Happy new year to you!




Lets begin with a looooooot of winners!

From Caption Contest #561:

First up to the plate, we have the "Isn't that the only button besides "Fire" that means anything?" Award, going to @Mojochi for:



Picard: Which one is the "engage" button?


Next, we have the "Starship Operations" Award, going to @JirinPanthosa for:



BARCALAY: Let's see. Have you tried turning it off and turning it back on?
GEORDI: That just might work!


Next, we have the "HK-47" Award, going to @Leviathan for:



Data: Now that I have a desk, maybe you'll learn some respect meatbags.


Next, we have the "Important Questions of the Universe!" Award, going to @tharpdevenport for:



Geordi: "Screw the licks! I'm getting to the center of that Tootsie Roll pop one way or another!"


Next, we have the "Advanced Cooking.... near a Warp Core!" Award, going to @TribbleCookie for:


(Lynch, in thought: Of all the things I could be assigned to on the ship, I wouldn’t think instructing baking class would be one of them.)
Lynch Aloud: KNEAD, MEN! KNEAD!! PUT SOME ELBOW INTO IT!


Our Photoshop Award, goes to @Happy X-Mas (War Is Over) for:


DATA: Geordi, if I may offer a suggestion. Perhaps a little more to my right.




The Award goes to @Jed-Gelt67 for:


Acting Science Officer Lor, Personal Log:
I will no longer be humiliated by my darling brother and his darling Captain Baldy. My plan for the destruction of the Enterprise is surprisingly simple. Using a large mirror in front of the warp core, I will suggest to Geordi that he test fire Starfleets new Mark XXI Phaser. The rebound will destroy the Enterprise and everyone on it!




Three KBL's!

@Tenacity:



LaForge: Pew pew.
Data: Missed me.


@Herbert:


Engineering Assistant Left: So, who's our boss this week?
Engineering Assistant Right: Dunno, but it doesn't matter, it will be someone different next week.
Lynch: Hey! I'm right here, you know.



@inflatabledalek:




Dwight: Could we please tell that guy to stop looking at the boom mic?


More winners in the next post!

 

Now for Caption Contest #562:

First up to the plate, we have the "Not winning an Emmy for that one..." Award, going to @TrickyDickie for:



Scene from the uncompleted episode 'Riker's Brain: We Don't Want It'.


Next, we have the "Not the time Data!" Award, going to @shivkala for:



Data: Excuse me, can you tell me where the little android's room is?

Geordi: Data, I told you not to drink all that oil before this mission!


Next, we have the "A Honorable Height" Award, going to @Honorable Ensign for:


J'Dan: Why are these chairs so small?
Worf: I'm just that tall.


Next, we have "The difference between Kirk and Picard" Award, going to @inflatabledalek for:



Ardra: Kirk would have bonked me.


Next, we have the "Accuracy" Award, going to @IMC Headquarters for:



The Fools of Acquisition


Our Photoshop Award goes to @Qonundrum for:


The crew watch their favorite crime show late at night.





The Award goes to @Mr So-Ho-Hoak for:



Second Officer's Log: Enterprise's Got Talent live auditions proceeding smoothly.




3 KBL's!

@Corpus Christi:



Picard: Thank you, yes, that's very entertaining. But when I said I wanted to watch DISCO, that's not what I meant!


@Herbert:


Yar: Do you know what planet this is?
LaForge: Well, it's got lots of rock outcroppings and ground level mist. I also found two old shallow graves over there. The names were kind of hard to read. I think one said "Gaetano" and the other one said "Latimer."
<sounds of growling echoing all around>
Worf: Commander, we are being watched
Riker: I've got a bad feeling about this.


@Finngle Bells:



Worf: We are going to throw the book at you...
J'Dan: Okay. I'm starving.

 

Caption Contest 565

First up to the plate we have the "How about just a larger shuttle?" Award, going to @JirinPanthosa for:



DATA: Query. If Runabouts definitely exist by now, why do we have to make long journeys in these very defenseless shuttles?
PICARD: I made a request for Runabouts. It's been approved by 5 committees. That leaves just 21 more committees until they start to process the request.


Next, we have the "Quest For Humanity" Award, going to @Leviathan for:


Data: I can only guess of course based on your behaviour...but are you too striving to become Human?


Next, we have the "Wish we didn't hear that" Award, going to @Finngle Bells for:



Data: I went through his things. I decided to keep one of his boxers...it had cartoon images of a warp core all over it.


Next, we have the "Artistic Integrity" Award, going to @Laura Cynthia Chambers for:


Riker: "Is that a portal to an alternate universe?"
Worf: "Depends on whether the writer's room ran out of ideas or not."


Next, we have the "Unhappy Passenger" Award, going to @IMC Headquarters for:



PICARD: God I hate making my own ******* tea. Why couldn't we have taken a shuttlecraft with a ******* replicator?
CRUSHER: That's coffee, sir.
PICARD: ****!


Two Photoshop Awards!

@Qonundrum:


Ro: "Are you sure you can trust this person we're following? Seems a bit jumpy."
Geordi: "Being a time traveler, every time it looks like the ship's getting behind it just means four planets and six children got saved. Though I'm not sure why..."


@Gepard:





Captain's Log Award, @shivkala:



Wesley: Acting Ensign's Log--I don't know what's worse, the deafening silence or when he breaks it to share some boring nonsense.

Picard: You know, Wesley, Earl Grey is named after Charles Grey, who was the 2nd Earl Grey...

Welsey: Correction, the nonsense is worse. Definitely worse.


@bigglesworth:



Pulaski: Why is the shuttlebay door completely vertical when we're inside, but slopes when we're outside?
Data: Keep asking questions like that and you'll be lucky to last the season, Doctor.

 

Caption Contest 569!

First up to the plate, we have the "Effective Command Procedures" Award, going to @Honorable Ensign for:


It was unfortunate the Borg attack occurred during one of the occasions Picard replaced himself with a cardboard cutout in order to get some extra shut-eye.



Next, we have the "Dangers of Queue Lines" Award, going to @inflatabledalek for:



Worf: Hey! I was first in line for Mr. Mott to get the "Discovery" shaved head look.


Next, we have the "Oh, Snap!" Award, going to @Herbert for:


Data: Bitch, please


Next, we have the "Crowdsourced" Award, going to @Happy X-Mas (War Is Over) for:


RO: Here's my contribution to your fanfilm Kickstarter!


Next, we have the "Well, that's awkward" Award, going to @JirinPanthosa for:



GEORDI: On guard, Reg!
PICARD: Who is God's name is Reg? Are you possessed?
GEORDI: Wait...you guys are holograms? I'm the only other real person here? Ugh... I need to get out of here.



3 KBL's!

@Leviathan:



Starfleet quickly adopted the effective groinal attack known as the "Ro maneuver"


@IMC Headquarters:



DATA: If I cannot fit him in the overhead bin, he will have to be checked for a considerable fee. If I break him in half, he should easily accommodate the allotted space...



@Ríu ríu chíu:



Ro: And THAT's for not telling anyone what Romulan uniform patterns mean!




And now the new contest!











Enjoy!

 

Picard: This guy is boring. Number One, tomorrow I want the guy who makes balloon animals to come back.



Yar: Sure you can't take those. They're going to paint them blue to be a different piece of machinery next episode.



Pulaski: Tricorder readings indicate that they are annoyed by Lwaxana too.




Riker: I'm off the ship for one day and baldy makes YOU first officer?!!



Fajo made one critical mistake with Data, his factory warranty was voided once he faked his death and kidnapped him.

 

Whoa....that's a lotta judging, even Harry Stone approves...

TFTW(s)!



Picard: Let me guess...you want us to maneuver straight down the trench and skim the surface to this point where we shoot a torpedo into the small thermal exhaust port?

 

David Marcus: These are the Main Character shields. You'll be using my old one from the 'Genesis' days.

 

Varria: Umm...just another couple minutes...it'll come back up after the Android updates

 

Thanks for the wins



O'Brien: (OS) *mutters* I almost forgot...

*taps on his padd*

Display on padd: reservation confirmed for Sushi Palace in Tokyo, at holodeck 4 1830 hours

 

"And as you can see, this is where the Caption This! #570 will be a month from now. That's about the middle. It'll take another month before maybe LeadHead judges it and starts a new one and maybe judges it."




Yar: "Hey, have either of you seen my condoms?"

 

Palor Toff: Varria, you should have known this would happen after he ate your chili.



Kolrami: Yes, Commander, it does rain quite often on my world. Why do you ask?



Pulaski: Am I ever glad you came aboard, gentlemen. I've been waiting for days to use some fish puns on you. I've chosen the best, as dictated from on high by the ancient Earth philosopher known as Mr. Laser Beam...

*pause*

What?

 

Yay, thanks for the wins! Always fun to play, though!


The rebels learn of the Empire's fourth Death Star and where the secret weakness is (hint, it's same place as always...)


Yar is still awestruck over the size of the balls she just gave Romas, since she took them from Data while he was offline.


Doctor: "Chief O'Brien, set the oven to 450 and inform the ship's chef to prepare a buffet for the crew in one hour."


Riker: "So what do you think, do I look great in 640K HDHDHDHDTV or what?"


Varria remains perplexed over the much vaunted capabilities of Data. If only Yar were there to convince her.

 

Picard: Ah, Geordi, good, you've brought the nachos. Anyway, we'll be getting the football match straight from Earth as soon as the cable guy has us up and running.



T'jon: Hey, want some weed?

Yar: No, thanks.

T'jon: Yeah, I get it, you're "on-duty." Say, what's your job around here, anyway?

Yar: Chief of Security.

T'jon: Uh, T'jon's not here, man.



Antedians: I can't wait for this conference, as you humans used to say, it will be "Da Bomb."




Riker: And, I'll beat you with this old-ass ship repaired by a blind engineer!

LaForge: Hey!

Riker: Don't interrupt me when I'm trash-talking!



Data: Second Officer's Log--I have a feeling this that I might do better if I just sleep through this episode.

 

Temp Doctor: "I think I know what the problem is. Purse your lips and go bloop bloop bloop."

Fishhead #1: "Bloop bloop bl -- hey, what a bloopite! Bloopy bloop de bloopidy bloop bloooooppp!"

Picard: "Translation, Mr. Data?"

Data: "Their people have formally declared war on us."

Temp Doctor: "IT was worth it."




Fishhead: "Nooo! That's not a scanner, that's a salt shaker!"

Picard: "Doctor, knock them out; they're on to us!"

 

Fixed

 

You missed my lack of proof reading, so I'm going to have to sin your "fix". ;-)

 

Riker to Picard: Good thing I cleared the search history on there, am I right?!?


T’Jon: Why do you need 65” flashlights?
Yar: Oh yeah, flashlights...they’re definitely flashlights.


Pulaski: Stay away from the microwave from now on guys.


Riker: You cannot just mute me!!!!


Varria: Where do I plug in the charger?

 

Thank you for the win!

 

ALIEN: As you see, the small circle is getting close to the big circle. This is a bad thing.
PICARD: Commander La Forge, can we use science particles to make the small circle miss the big circle?
GEORDI: Possibly, but only after it gets dramatically close. And we may need to cleverly come up with a different science particle at the last minute.
PICARD: Make it so.



MAN: So you're saying, if we go back in time to 21st century Earth, we can get all the prescription medication we need, no questions asked?



PULASKI: Good, dinner is here. I love exotic seafood.



KOLRAMI: The simulation will begin in five hours.
RIKER: Understood. Commencing Operation "Show up the smug jerk".



VARIA: *Crack-shatter* Oops.
MAN: What was that?
VARIA: The sacred chalice of reeks, we acquired it from an eccentric Betazoid woman.
FAJO (Off screen): Oh well, no matter, it was the least interesting item in my collection. Now DATA, STOP PLAYING AROUND AND ACT NORMALLY!

 

FISH ALIEN: It's a trap!