Contest: ENTER TNG Caption This! #493: Free For All

[Tenacity]

Riker (os): "Bridge to Captain Picard."
Picard: Go ahead."
Riker (os): "Sir, someone in main engineering just pushed the manual warp core jettison."
LaForge (quickly moving hand) *woopise*
Crusher: "Geordi, weren't you just leading on ..."
LaForge: "Shut up Wesley."

 

[shivkala]

Geordi: Congratulations, Data, you just created the Lawnmower Man, er girl.

Picard: Q! What the Hell are you doing?

Q: That Burt Reynolds Playgirl pose, and if I may say so myself, I nailed it!

Riker: That's right, I'm bringing sexy back.

Q: Hmm, I was expecting...more.

Picard: Troi did tell me she wanted to be a mermaid.

Worf: Sorry, sir, I missed the fly again!

Picard: I'm not asking for much, but this is crap! Where are the Van Goghs? The Picassos? The Kahlos? The Rembrandts?

Troi: The Rembrandts were hunted down and killed after every human being on Earth had "I'll be there for you" stuck in their heads from the 90's to the early 2000's.

Picard: This is all you do? Really? In that case, we're shipping you off to Deep Space Nine and filling this post with an automated subroutine.

Riker: What do you think, worst charades player, ever?

Data: I served a tour on the refitted Bozeman with Captain Bateson. He kept telling me to put on a red shirt and then laughed.

Doctor: We're ready to perform cardiovascular surgery: the patient is prepped and we've donned the red condom surgeon's attire.

Lt.: Is that a hydrospanner in your pocket, Commander LaForge or are you happy to see me?

LaForge: Both.

Data: If you two are typical for the human population it's amazing your species has evolved to this point.

Dr. Reyga: All I want to do is be respected as a scientist. But, to do that, I've had to forgo profit. I'm basically the most hated person on Ferenginar.

T'Pan: If it is any consolation, you are also the most hated person in this room.

 

[Finn]

Picard: *dreaming about breakfast with Beverly* No..no..

*wakes up in cold sweat*

Picard:...Thank goodness...

 

[RandyS]

Data: Seriously?

 

[Mojochi]

Worf: I do not care for your "soul food", Commander. I can hardly taste any of the souls

Wesley: Sir, I can't help it if you don't understand the technical answers we give you

Picard: I'd have expected someone who lives in a continuum to last a little longer

O'Brien's one prank before leaving for DS9 was to sneak his own pattern into every transport. Troi does not appear amused

Picard: I knew something like this would happen. I never should have rescued all the children from the Aldeans

 

[Triskelion]

Picard: Any idea how to remove bubble gum from the shield generator?
Wesley: I'll just Google a couple dozen options right now -
Picard: No, wait - Computer, how do you remove bubble gum from the shield generator?
Computer: Please specify color, elasticity, rate of solidification and type of starship.
Picard: Well, first list all the colors....
Wesley: @$&#! Sit down, Gramps!

 

[Tenacity]

Riker: "So ... how you doing?"

Intruder: "I'm over here stupid."
Worf: "I know, but with the lighting on the bridge, firing in this direction make for a much more dramatic presentation.

Dathon: "Shaka, when his robe fell open."

Worf: "I've never liked this."
LaForge: "What;s wrong with the food?"
Worf: "The food is fine. Eating with utensils ... it just seems so uncivilized."

 

[Triskelion]

Q: Three Musketeers bar?
Picard: Got any Milk Duds?
Q: I'll see what I can do.

 

[shivkala]

Q: See? Where did my foot go? Magic!

Picard: It's clearly there, just obscurred by the railing. Face it, Q, it's a lame trick.

Q: Illusion, Jean-Luc. They're illusions! Anyway, where did the railing come from?

 

[inflatabledalek]

TFTW LH!

As I'm too inept to add my own captions, I'm just going to steal the post that has the most in it and NO ONE CAN STOP ME BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

2016: The world's first sex robot had a long way to go.

Q: Do you want to see my Q-Tip?

Riker: Oh OK, it's true, I have no nipples. I'm much like Lal in that regard.

Picard: But remember, what happens at the academy stays at the academy.

Q: You just graduated.

Picard: Merde.

Picard: Damn it, I can't tell what you're feeling without someone beside me telling me the emotional state of others!

Worf: The first time I tried to shot the viewscreen you called me mad, now it's achieved sentience and is trying to kill us I'm vindicated!

Picard: It's a viewscreen Mr Worf, it has no way of killing us.

Picard: No sure, it's fine you forgot what day it is. It's not as if I left you a clue.

O'Brien: Do I pull that face when I transport people? I hope not. People would tell me, right?

Ferengi: Hey, you can't ignore me! This episode happened!

Riker: It's the Ferengi helmsman that gave it away. That'll never happen!

Doctor: Does anyone know what the strips of coloured plastic are for?

Geordi: You're my best friend.

Dr. Reyga: Has anyone told the human who married that Vulcan the text on her robe says "I'm with stupid" and his says "I'm stupid"?

 

[Finn]

Picard: Is that....a picture of Mr. Mot buffing my forehead?

 

[Nerys Myk]

Q: What happens on Risa...

 

[Catarina]

Wesley: The Picard maneuver? I believe naming the uniform tugging was my idea once I was issued a uniform and I call it the "Crusher maneuver." You know what? You keep the name before you change your mind about my being on the crew manifest.
Geordi: good call.

 

[Catarina]

" 'Michelle Duggar' they say? Pshhh."

 

[Nerys Myk]

TROI (Singing)
Come on, vogue
Let your body move to the music (move to the music)
Hey, hey, hey
Come on, vogue
Let your body go with the flow (go with the flow)
You know you can do it

 

[Catarina]

TROI (Singing)
Come on, vogue
Let your body move to the music (move to the music)
Hey, hey, hey
Come on, vogue
Let your body go with the flow (go with the flow)
You know you can do it

Counselor Troi accepts the challenge to pat her head, stomp her foot while singing Vogue into her brush.

 

[Tenacity]

The Betazed tradition of brushing their long thick armpit hair worked better without the shirt.

(this goes for most scenes involving Deanna)

Girl: "I'm sorry Geordi, but I've chosen Data as my lover.
LaForge: "WHAT!!! Why Data over me?
Girl: "It's just that when it comes to sex ... he's a absolute machine."

Data ** smirk **

 

[tharpdevenport]

Wesley: "Wait, what if I put chocolate in your peanut butter..."

Picard: "And I put peanut butter in your chocolate and it didn't sound dirty..."

Geordi: "Hold on, Wes -- I think you might be on to something."

Wesley: "I'm just saying: I don't think it's a good idea to leave a giant display marking all the ship's key areas, sheild generators, and photon torpedo yield out in the open for anybody to see."

Picard: "We've never had a problem before."

Wesley: "I mean, it's not even guarded -- there are cooridors to the left and right of it."

Picard: "We keep guards posted in key areas of the ship including main Engineering when guests are aboard, ensign."

Wesley: "But what about the other thousand plus people on board? What if somebody kidnapped Geordi, put a camera in his VISOR, and he came in and looked at our shield modulation frequency on this giant helpful sabotage display?"

Picard: "LOL, that's a pretty big if, ensign. No, I thkink we'll keep all our key important information right out in the open where it belongs."

 

[Tenacity]

Wesley: "At the very least it's an inaccuracy."
LaForge: "Reconfiguring the MSD is a big deal Wes."
Picard: "It doesn't actually hurt anything and its a harmless joke."
Wesley: "Accord to this display, there's a giant duck in the saucer."
Picard: "Your point?"

 

[Triskelion]

Wesley: Sir with just a minor adjustment I can route the crew manifest through the warp injector regulation system to determine who is hot or not.
Picard: Make it so.
Geordi: I'm going to put in Wesley's mom.
Wesley: Well I'm going to put in YOUR mom!
Picard: I'll put it in both your moms
...
Well? Isn't someone going to remark how Ma Mère is totally bangable?
Wesley: Dude stop captioning!