Contest: ENTER TNG Caption This! #493: Free For All
- Thread starter LeadHead
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A rarely seen image of the actual writers pitch for 'Shades of Grey'.
And here we see the writer's hard at work on "Code of Honor":
Burton: Setting course for Starbase Twelve to deliver these medical and cleaning supplies we recovered from planet Krylon Six, Captain.
Director: Annnnd CUT!
Burton: Hi. I'm LeVar Burton. On TV you know me as the unimitable Chief Engineer of the Starship Enterprise; but in real life I'm just a normal person like you, only just a little more famous. I put on my velvet smoking jacket one leg at a time like everybody else. On TV, we use starships to come to the aid of weird aliens all over the galaxy, and we don't even stare at their goofy bits. But did you know that you could come to the aid of someone who needs it right here on Earth, maybe even in your own neighborhood?
Every year, people suffer alone in silence. Don't be part of the problem. Be part of the solution. Reach out to someone in need today, and put their problem on the internet. They'll thank you for it.
Remember - the internet forgives and forgets. Help someone leave their Neutral Zone and set a new course for the Positive Zone today. On today's blazing internet, you can upload their pictures over your telephone modem at the eye-rupturing rate of 600 Baud, or 1200 bits per second! The more you upload, the more chances someone can help that person develop the self-esteem they need to move forward - and hey, maybe learn a little something about themselves, too.
And remember - if the world of concerned internet commentors don't know about your deepest problems, they can't help you heal. Who knows - those candid shots from Friday night might even put a feather in someone's cap. Don't worry about privacy - with so many thousands of home pages out there today, chances are, no one will find you unless they are personally connected with that issue in some honest and caring way. Except of course, the nerds at Darpanet! But don't worry - just between you and me, I don't think they get out much.
Now beam me up at 1200 bits per second, new guy!
And remember - start fresh tomorrow by making your own scene online today.
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Director: ...and then you say, "Setting course for Starbase Twelve to deliver these medical and cleaning supplies we recovered from planet Krylon Six, Captain."
LeVar Burton: Yes, but what's my character's motivation?
Director: ...to set a course for Starbase Twelve to deliver these medical and cleaning supplies you recovered from Krylon Six.
LeVar: But would my character really care about that? Does he even know who's getting the medical and cleaning supplies?
Director: Of course he does, he's a StarFleet Officer, you're all about helping others.
LeVar: But, what if my character's nemesis is going to get the supplies.
Director: Look, it's almost midnight, we still have the scene with Brent and Gates to shoot, which is much more important to the plot, can you please just say your lines.
LeVar: Fine. (flatly) "Setting course for Starbase Twelve to deliver these medical and cleaning supplies we recovered from planet Krylon Six, Captain."
Director: Cut! Forget it, we'll just get someone else to navigate the ship, I don't know, the boy or something.
LeVar Burton: ...yes, but what's my character's motivation?
Director: To lay in the course so the ship can deliver the medical and cleaning supplies to Starbase Twelve.
LeVar: Does Geordi know any of the people getting the supplies?
Director: It doesn't matter, he's a StarFleet officer and therefore would care about everyone.
LeVar: What if it's a kid in school who bullied him? Or the guy who ran over his childhood dog?
Director: Just say the damn line, LeVar or we'll get the boy to say it, I don't know, make him some acting ensign or something.
RIKER: (charming) "Are you free tonight?"
GENE: "Knock it off, 'Shatner'!"
DORN: "I'm allergic to latex. Why can't you make me like Kor?"
MAKEUP: "It's fine Michael, we tested everything beforehand."
DORN: "It itches. I hate it when my head itches."
MAKEUP: "We went over this already. Sit still and it will be over in a moment."
DORN: "I can't see. You're shining the light in my eyes."
DIRECTOR: "Do you wan't to sit here all day for the camera test or do you want to go on set, do your lines and get home sometime before tomorrow or do you want to sit here all day whining about your costume?"
DORN: "Yelling at the cast is not honorable!"
DIRECTOR: "F***ing children!!!!"
MAKEUP: "Welcome to my world...."
DORN:
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Dorn: Sure mate, a "Valentine to the fans", of course it is.
Guinan: Jean-Luc, I've been waiting four seasons for you to move a piece. Even el-Aurians aren't that long-lived.
Captains Personal Log: First day on the job and I've separated ship. It was REALLY cool. Small problem...I dont know what the correct order is to get it connected back up. This could cost me my command.
I KNOW! I'll make the new First Officer do it.
Captains Personal Log (addendum): Phew, that was close. He thinks it was a "test". That is the LAST time I separate the goddamn ship.
Jonathan Frakes: Do you have to keep touching my hair?
Hair Stylist: I'm sorry, I worked on the original, assigned to William Shatner, I'd forgotten what real hair feels like!
Director: And we're done, Michael report back to make-up for them to remove the prosthetic.
Michael Dorn: But that was just a minute. It took 3 hours for them to apply this and it'll take another two for them to remove it! That's five hours out of my day for 5 minutes!
Director: Look, do you want to be a part of a franchise, become a household name, and live off the residuals or do you want to whine about the make-up.
Michael Dorn: Can you imagine 30 years in the future, how dated this will look? The hair, the clothes, they scream 80's! And I'm not talking about how I look. I'm timeless!
Picard: Did I leave the iron on back on Earth?
Stewart (inner monologue): "Does this lighting make me look bald?"
Patrick Stewart: Pay close attention, Michael, we're receiving a transmission from season 7. In some ways, this show has gotten better, but in others, we jumped the shark in our last season. We must study this transmission, copy the things that worked, and avoid the things that didn't.
Michael Dorn: So, who gets to tell Jonathan to grow a beard?
Patrick Stewart: Pay close attention, Michael, we're receiving a transmission from season 7. In some ways, this show has gotten better, but in others, we jumped the shark in our last season. We must study this transmission, copy the things that worked, and avoid the things that didn't.
Michael Dorn: So, who gets to tell Jonathan to grow a beard?
Frakes: Wait until you see Data next year...
CSI needs to set up a search for Leadhead. There is scant evidence of his survival of the New Year.
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