Movie Caption Contest #142: Same Ship, Different Day

[Rat Boy]

I know you ordered no interruptions, but it's time for another caption contest. First, let's give a manicure to...

For proving that one shouldn't mistake being pompous with being clueless, our winner is...

Styles: I wonder what that stick is supposed to be used for, I'd better carry it around until somebody finally explains it to me...

There are times to delegate and there are times to do things yourself, as our next winner proved...

Kruge: I ordered no interruptions.

Torg: (over comm) Oh, sorry. You're right I'm a very smart First Officer, there's no way I'll make a bad decision and walk into a trap or anything.

Kruge: Bring me up!

And for showing the devil (or vampire) is in the details, our winner is...

Viceroy: "My lord, the two 16 yr old virgins you requested have arrived."

Shinzon: "Oh, smashing! I-hey, wait a second! I wanted them to be Human!" *peers closer* "And female!"

Two Photoshop winners this week. First is one that you have to look real close to see and surprisingly didn't come from LeadHead or Skywalker...

Kruge: What do you mean there's a robot with a flashlight head roaming around?

Geth do not intentionally infiltrate caption contests. Our last winner demonstrates that perhaps Captain Styles should have sensed something was up with his new chief engineer much sooner...

STYLES: Have Mr Scott report to my quarters. There seem to be a draft.

SCOTTY: (thinking): I guess it was a left turn after all.

Congratulations to the winners! First up this week, we have Walter Koenig being chased by rabid Navy fans during a USO tour. Next, we have one frame exactly before Kirk's trademark smile is unceremoniously wiped off his face. And lastly, with a villain running about the galaxy with a sun-exploding weapon, Picard and Data decide the best way to pursue him is to...go to a planetarium. Enjoy:

 

[Rat Boy]

Chekov: "Could someone tell me vhere ze poop deck is?"

Kirk (thinking): Screw this. I'm taking a shuttle and getting the hell out of here.

Harriman: "By the way, the shuttles aren't scheduled to arrive until Tuesday."

Kirk (thinking): Crap.

Picard: "And now then, eager young space android, here is the course we shall pursue to find Verdian III. Starting from where we are, we go 33,600 turbo miles due up. Then west in an astro-arc deviation to here, then following the great circle seven radiolubes south by downeast. By astro-astroble to here, here, and here, then by space navigo-compass to here, here, and then to here and here. By thirteen point strato-cumulus bearing four million light-years, and thus to our destination. Now do you know how to reach Verdian III?"

Data: "Y-y-ye... Oh sure."

Picard: "Well, I wish you'd explain it to me some time, buster!"

Data: "Why, it's very simple, sir. If we follow those planets, we can't very well miss Verdian III."

Picard: "Oh, that's ridiculous! Of all the stupid suggestions! Ha ha ha! Hey, wait a minute. I think I've got it. I'll just bet that if we follow those planets, we'll find Verdian III. Gad! How do I do it?"

Data: "I d-d-don't know."

 

[bullethead]

Chekov: Vhy is everyone so blurry?

James T Kirk never misses an opportunity to bang an Orion slave girl... especially during a boring press conference.

Picard: So what is the red line?
Data: Nothing. It just looks cool.

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Data: There it is, sir. I've found it. Ur anus.

 

[cooleddie74]

When Chekov needed to go...he NEEDED TO GO.

Borscht. A man's worst enemy.

Scotty...keep things together until I get back!

Or...at least until the writers need to use you and Chekov again one day!

PICARD: What does the red line indicate?

DATA: The trajectory the logic of the whole Nexus concept is currently taking outside of normal time, space and common sense. I project at the current rate it will be COMPLETELY outside the boundaries of anything approaching logical thinking within the next thirty minutes of screen time.

 

[cooleddie74]

CHEKOV: De new phone book's here!!! DE NEW PHONE BOOK'S HERE!!!

 

[Candlelight]

"I can't vait to go running vith Running-Spock"

Penis-trapped-in-a-turbo-lift-door fail in 3... 2... 1...

"The orange thing is the star, the blue globe is Veridian III, but what are the five green blobs over there?"
"I sneezed sir, my bad"

 

[Nerys Myk]

PICARD: Quite playing with GoogleGalaxy and get to work!

 

[Nerys Myk]

CHEKOV: I always forget the don't tell part!

 

[M'Sharak]

As the doors closed, it was beginning to register in Kirk's consciousness
that the turbolift car's previous occupant had left him a surprise.

 

[cooleddie74]

EVERYVUN...

Hit ze deck!!! I just ate Mexican and used de men's room!!!

KIRK: All of you can kiss my ass.

And you can have THAT installed next Tuesday, too, bitches!!

PICARD: This is the most boring IMAX movie I've seen in years. Let's go.

 

[cooleddie74]

I'm outta here.



This Enterprise sucks. You people should be ashamed of yourselves for giving this craphole that name.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Chekov: "Out of my way, dammit! I was supposed to meet Charo on the Lido deck ten minutes ago!"

Kirk (thinking): "My God, is that Demora Sulu? Ay chihuahua! And I thought Joanna McCoy was hot!"

Picard: "So, if Soren were to extinguish all nuclear fussion in the star, its matter would collapse onto itself but it would still have the same mass, and therefore no effect whatsoever on the orbit of Veridian III or the path of the Nexus ribbon. Well...that didn't get us anywhere. Any more bright ideas?"

 

[tharpdevenport]

Chekov (to himself): "Man, thank goodness I vas theh one who got awested by them. Ifv it had been Sulu, he might never have left!"

Picard: "Enhance grid A-nine. Where was the Amargosa star?
Data works. A STAR is highlighted near the red line.

Picard: "
Now... you said the gravitational
forces in this sector have been
altered ... could that also affect
the course of the ribbon?"
Data: "I believe so."
Picard: "That's what Soran's doing... he's changing its course.
But why? Why try to alter its path... why not simply fly into it with a ship?"
Data: Thinks, " Our records show that every ship which has approached the ribbon has either been destroyed or severely damaged."
Picard: "He can't go to the ribbon ... so he's trying to make the ribbon come to him. Data, is it going to pass near any M-Class planets?"
Data: "Yes, sir. There are two in the Veridian system."
The display ZOOMS IN on a star very close to the
ribbon's path.
Picard: "It's very close to Veridian III ... but not close enough..."
Picard: "Data, what would happen to the ribbon's path if he destroyed the Veridian star itself?"
The computer projects the new course, moving the ribbon elsewhere.
Picard: "That's where he's going."
Data: "It should be noted, sir, that the collapse of the Veridian star would produce a shock wave similar to the one we observed at Amargosa."
Picard: "And destroy every planet in the system. Are any of them inhabited?"
Data: "Veridian III is uninhabited, but Veridian IV supports a pre-industrial humanoid society."
Picard: "Population?"
Data: "Approximately two hundred thirty million."
Picard: "My god. Do they have a Taco Bell?"
Data: Presses some buttons, then replies, "Yes, but I do not see how that is rele--"
Picard: Taps his comm badge, "Picard to Bridge -- set a course for Veridian IV, warp 9.999, and open a hailing frequency and place an order for ten crunchy tacos, minus the lettuce. So help them if there's lettuce!"
Data: "Sir, I believe you are being terribly insensative."
Picard: "Quite right, Mr. Data. Did you want something too?"

 

[LeadHead]

Thanks for the Wins!

Chekov: Run! Uhura just found out she's the bunt of all the jokes in the last TOS Caption Contest and she is PISSED!

Kirk: I hope we survive long enough for Harriman to sit on the whoopie cushion I left on his chair.

Picard: Report, Mister Data.

Data: Fascinating Captain! It appears that by destroying the Amargosa Star, Soran has redirected a giant space anomaly that has existed for millions of years and-

Picard: Yes, yes, yes. What about the other matter?

Data: Still no sign of your Wallet.

 

[John Picard]

Kirk: "Guess who I just upper-decked? Get it. Upper decker." *wink* *wink*

 

[Herkimer Jitty]

Chekov: "The Russians inwented photoshop."

Kirk: "Denny Crane."

Data: "Shit! None of these planets have Element Zero! I just wasted half a frikkin hour scanning and probing!"

Picard: "Leave the map and check if Tali will do it with you yet."

 

[LeadHead]

Data: "Shit! None of these planets have Element Zero! I just wasted half a frikkin hour scanning and probing!"

Picard: "Leave the map and check if Tali will do it with you yet."

Worf: (over comm) Bridge to Stellar Cartography, we have checked the internet and if you import your Character from your last playthrough, it will give you substantial quantities of all minerals.

Picard: Now he tells me.

 

[Maurice]

Where's Waldo: The Next Generation

 

[Rat Boy]

Data: "Shit! None of these planets have Element Zero! I just wasted half a frikkin hour scanning and probing!"

Picard: "Leave the map and check if Tali will do it with you yet."

Worf: (over comm) Bridge to Stellar Cartography, we have checked the internet and if you import your Character from your last playthrough, i will give you substantial quantities of all minerals.

Picard: Now he tells me.

EDI: *sigh* "Probing Uranus."