I Hate Myself

[Yeoman Randi]

SHRAN, i am so incredibly proud of you. Like others already said, just being able to put yourself out there in starting this thread is huge. How many people feel the way you do but would never have the courage to show people what's behind the mask? Dude, you're awesome.

A couple of people also mentioned that if you've been with the same therapist for four years and it hasn't helped maybe it is time to see someone else. That's not a bad idea, no matter how comfortable you may be with your current therapist.

Someone i love more than life itself was seeing a therapist. He was very comfortable with this guy but he wasn't getting better. He was actually getting worse. No matter how many times i suggested he find someone else his reply was "I don't want to have to start all over again." So i would back off. What eventually happened was a near tragedy. NOT saying this is what will happen to you, my point is that he resisted changing therapists even though the one he was seeing was wrong.

Maybe it IS time for you to find someone else. Your therapist may be great but like someone else said, maybe the fit just isn't right.

Again, i can't tell you enough how proud i am of you for being so brave and taking the mask off for all of us to see. Major success right there!!!!! Sending you lots of love!!

 

[Robert Maxwell]

Shran, I'll reserve saying "I'm proud of you" for when you tell us you talked to a girl and got a date. Or at least made some new friends. Something!!

 

[Jetfire]

Maybe going to a strip club would help you to be up close and personal with a gal...go with some friends and get a couple of lap dances...you won't be having sex with them but at least you can get use to being up close with an attractive girl and maybe after a while you can get over some of the mental blocks.

I don't suggest getting a hooker...that is not how you want your first sexual experience with a woman to go...IMHO.

 

[Yeoman Randi]

Robert Maxwell, little steps. Little steps.

 

[Nardpuncher]

I'm not sure if anyone mentioned the more mundane but also important stuff, but how's your haircut? Do you keep in shape? Do you keep your facial hair neat? etc. etc.
I'm just saying that if you change your appearance a bit in a positive way (not saying there's anything wrong with you, but what I mean is for example, I'm 6 feet but 250lbs...i could stand to be 20 to 30 lbs lighter...I got pics in my profile) then not only do you feel better about yourself but that will make others see you differently too.

 

[Shatnertage]

As Yeoman Randi says, little steps.

Have you tried talking to a woman who you find attractive, but is unattainable? For example, someone who's married? You know there's no chance it's going anywhere, but it might be a chance to get on the road with some training wheels, so to speak.

I think that's the first step, just making conversation. And you don't really have to say much--most people want someone to listen more than talk. For me, that really takes the pressure off.

 

[Finn]

Yes. Do you remember that little scene in Ten Forward where Geordi charmed Guinan without him realizing it? He wasn't trying

 

[iguana_tonante]

There is a difference, IMO. The fact that I can keep my real-world identity a secret through my Admiral Shran handle allows me to have more confidence. If people here knew who I was in real life (such as by me posting pictures of myself in the MOAR PICS thread) I wouldn't say the things I say.

Well, the solution is clearly to start introducing yourself as Admiral Shran in real life. That would break the ice.

 

[Jetfire]

^
Actually it might help having something people can call you as a nickname and then you don't have to act or be who you are. Like everyone calls me Superman because I usually wear a Superman shirt or hat and I am a big dude.

 

[melancholymecha]

As you've probably noted, the root of Shran's unhappiness is his inability to be in a relationship with a woman or interact with women. First, I'd like to say while being in a relationship is a fulfilling and satisfying experience, it should not be the be-all and end-all of human existence.

too bad most of society feels otherwise. :\

 

[Robert Maxwell]

As you've probably noted, the root of Shran's unhappiness is his inability to be in a relationship with a woman or interact with women. First, I'd like to say while being in a relationship is a fulfilling and satisfying experience, it should not be the be-all and end-all of human existence.

too bad most of society feels otherwise. :\

Who cares what most of society things? It's your life, live it the way you want.

 

[JarodRussell]

This thread is awesome.

 

[JiNX-01]

I've been bitten quite few times. Of the three dates I've been on, two ended with the woman flat out telling me she wasn't interested (the third was a blind date I was set up on, and this time I wasn't interested - though I hope I let her down easier than those other two let me down).

I'm sorry. I guess I should have said girls worth getting involved with -- who don't judge a guy based on a single date -- don't bite.

Also, I've asked out a total of twelve women in my life. Of the nine I didn't get a date from, there wasn't a single one that didn't respond with a resounding "NO!"

I sorry about this, too. If you came across as anxious or uncomfortable, it might have made them incomfortable, too.

 

[Jetfire]

I don't suggest getting a hooker...that is not how you want your first sexual experience with a woman to go...IMHO.

Beggers can't be choosers.

Well then you would need to get a quality call girl and keep her on retainer.

 

[JarodRussell]

Hookers, nay. Escorts, yay.

Actually, I was about to recommend calling an escort lady. It's a date, and since you paid you know you'll get laid.

And based on this:

I've been trying that very thing. As I said, my therapist has been using cognitive-behavorial therapy. I give myself positive self-talk dozens and dozens of times every day. Yet, when the moment of truth comes every day and I face a situation of talking to an attractive woman, I freeze.

I'd say you'd be better of paying some girls to give you positive talk.

Seriously, what the hell are you afraid of? Rejection? Doing something wrong? It's irrational. Just like fear of spiders. And you know how people treat their fear of spiders? By confronting them.

 

[Admiral Shran]

Exactly what do you feel when you "freeze"? Abject terror?

Yeah, that pretty much sums up how I feel in those situations.

SHRAN, i am so incredibly proud of you.

Gracias.

Maybe going to a strip club would help you to be up close and personal with a gal...go with some friends and get a couple of lap dances...you won't be having sex with them but at least you can get use to being up close with an attractive girl and maybe after a while you can get over some of the mental blocks.

I've been going to strip clubs since I was 18. It has been quite a while since I went though, maybe it's time to go back. Though I do have to say, the first time I went I was so nervous during my first lap dance that I was literally shaking (the dancer actually had to ask if I was okay).



In an attempt to further get out of my comfort zone, I'm going to post a picture of myself in the MOAR PICS theard here soon. But it will be at least a few hours before that happens, since I don't currently have any pictures of myself on my hard drive.

 

[Jetfire]

Seriously, what the hell are you afraid of? Rejection? Doing something wrong? It's irrational. Just like fear of spiders. And you know how people treat their fear of spiders? By confronting them.

No! You dress like them! Wait...that is bats.

@Admiral Shran I don't go to strip clubs anymore...lack of money being one reason...but I find the atmosphere almost relaxing...at least the one I like around here...they play hard rock and good metal...the girls are cool...I worked with one before and I actually worked at the club briefly a few years back and kinda regret quiting...but my "friend" who got me the job was using me and I didn't appreciate it and quit.

 

[RJDiogenes]

Have you tried talking to a woman who you find attractive, but is unattainable? For example, someone who's married? You know there's no chance it's going anywhere, but it might be a chance to get on the road with some training wheels, so to speak.

I think this is a great idea. Especially if her name is Mrs Robinson.

 

[Holdfast]

You know, if you kill them afterwards and get your money back, you can actually afford an infinite number of hookers.

Advanced mathematics; it works.

And this, Ladies and Gentlemen, is why we say to ALWAYS consult a mental health professional. They have such insight and inventive solutions to any problem.

Lateral thinking is at the core of any good therapeutic intervention...

 

[FordSVT]

Also, I've asked out a total of twelve women in my life. Of the nine I didn't get a date from, there wasn't a single one that didn't respond with a resounding "NO!"

At this time I'd like to point out that I've got some completely "normal", well-adjusted male friends who'd love to have a 1 in 4 win:loss record when it comes to getting dates. Good looking guys too, with money. I know a guy who will hit on a dozen women a night and not even get a number, but he does it because he knows once every couple of weeks he'll pick up or get a date.

Let's look at what you've accomplished so far instead of dwelling on what you can't do right. You've summoned the courage in the past to ask women out, which is a hurdle many people have difficulty getting past. Even if you had a Cyrano in your ear from time to time, it still takes balls to ask a woman out. You've already had to deal with the "No's", that's a big hurdle too. What happened when she said no (besides a bruised ego)? Did your head catch fire? Did you lose your job or pee yourself? Did you end up on the news because of it? Didn't think so. And hey, you've even had the "privileged" of being the dumper!

I agree with those who say you need to get over the importance of having a relationship and just let it happen when it does. But you need to put yourself out there in social situations so you can get used to talking with women in a no pressure situation. Volunteer work might be a good suggestion, there are many women involved in a wide variety of causes. This I know for a fact.

Every long term relationship I've ever been in, including my wife, began as a friendship by way of being introduced through mutual friends. We hung around in a group, got to know each other, sensed a mutual attraction and then started dating. Being thrown into a "date" with a person you don't know from a hole in the wall is a really stressful situation, one I'm not that comfortable with either.