Most Sour Hard Candy

[hbquikcomjamesl]

Try having a vaginal ultrasound. >.<

I call it the most expensive bad sex I've ever had.

Doctor gave me the gallon container with the powder in the bottom.

Told me to mix the powder with water ... and then drink it. >.<

Not fun.

Colon Wash by James Lampert, on Flickr

 

[Timewalker]

Thankfully, I'm not the one who's stuck having to seek out extreme sour candy.

I've noted, on more than one occasion, that I'm so hypersensitive to the "eye-scream" trope that direct-to-patient ads for AMD treatments delivered by intraocular injection gross me out, to the point where, if faced with a need for such injections (or with cataract surgery) to avoid going blind, I'd likely drop everything else and begin an intensive full-time study of braille.

Now admittedly, sour hard candy is better than a literal poke in the eye, but probably the sourest stuff I normally consume would be sourdough bread, and an occasional plate of chicken piccata.

I've had three cataract surgeries (no, not because I have three eyes; one eye needed a bit of extra work that was easy enough to do in the office, not a hospital).

It's not easy. The pre- and post-op eyedrops are crazy-expensive and have to be taken 4 times a day for weeks. You're restricted on what and how much you can bend and lift and have to wear a clear plastic thing over your eye (it's got holes in it to let air in). I was told not to let the cat sleep with me in case she knocked it out of alignment. Yes, it's creepy to get the eyedrops that paralyze your eye so it can be worked on. Yes, they lied - it does hurt somewhat. Yes, you see colors you never knew existed.

But the difference between before and after is no contest. Granted, I can't read printed material without reading glasses, and if something is really small I have to ask someone to read it to me. But I don't need glasses to get around the apartment or to go shopping anymore and that in itself has been a life-changing thing.

Besides which, you can have fun with gullible people. I have two cards that say I have artificial lenses in my eyes. When some people find that out, they ask me what it's like. If they seem susceptible to believing nonsense, I tell them it's amazing - I now have bionic eyes and I can see their underwear.

One person actually believed me and was a bit upset about it. She was very relieved when I told her I was joking.

(honestly, does nobody remember the Six Million Dollar Man anymore?)

 

[hbquikcomjamesl]

My dad had both eyes done, many years ago. They appear to have streamlined the process, by the time he had his done. As I recall, he opted for robotic.

A few years ago, I had a foreign body, a little black speck on one sclera, that wouldn't wash out. The urgent-care doctor was able to get it with a greased swab. It was all I could do to keep my upper body steady for her to work on me, and only by letting my legs thrash around.

If a dead body gets its eyes gouged out in the forest, and no sentient being is around to see it before the body is either eaten or decomposed to dust, does it still invoke a trope?

That would of course, be the "eye-scream koan."

 

[Ar-Pharazon]

Lemonheads are one of my favorite sour hard candies of all time. I tend to chew them, rather than suck on them. I'm like the owl in the Tootsie Pop commercials.

For softer stuff, I think most gummies are vile, but Haribo has Sour Smurfs (medium soft) and the new Sour Sodas (very soft) that are pretty good.

 

[The Salt Umpire]

Try having a vaginal ultrasound. >.<

I call it the most expensive bad sex I've ever had.



Doctor gave me the gallon container with the powder in the bottom.

Told me to mix the powder with water ... and then drink it. >.<

Not fun.

That's what I had to do. Spent the evening within seconds of the bathroom. They sedated me and my wife drove me home. Took a few days before things returned to normal.

 

[hbquikcomjamesl]

First colonoscopy: I passed out a minute or two after the 'scope went in. But I enjoyed looking at the set of "vacation pictures" they gave me as a souvenir. Even made up a mock postcard with them, with the caption, "Greetings from Up Shit's Creek. Wish you were here."

Second colonoscopy: I didn't pass out until it was almost over. Enjoyed the view.

Third colonoscopy: I never did pass out, and the doctor driving the 'scope was kind enough to narrate. I was up and around and fully dressed, only minutes after the TKO was pulled out of my arm. Which is good, because my ride was delayed, and I was having trouble getting a cell phone signal.

All three: My dad and I stopped for lunch on the way home.

It's really not especially painful, as long as the doctor driving the 'scope isn't overinflating you. Really, it's probably the most fun you can have with a TKO IV in your arm.