"Self-respect?" No, that's an artificial standard that has been applied by fans not a requirement of the story itself. See, sticking to canon sounds great until you realize that it's sometimes based upon fan assumption of what these relationships were prior to the cameras rolling. It's a lack of acknowledgement that people change, especially going through stressful and difficult events. I would not expect Chapel in SNW to behave identically to Chapel in TOS because stuff happens to her between those two timeframes.
It's clear that there is a different perspective going on for Spock, for T'Pring and for Chapel, all of whom are finding their way in a very weird and unusual circumstance leading in to TOS. Acting like Chapel should behave a particular way really takes away from the drama of the moment of a person struggling with unrequited feelings and receiving mixed messages. And, having witnessed that first hand in real life I can say Chapel is handling it better than other people I've seen.
As for Kenobi, Kenobi was lambasted and treated quite poorly for it's handling of canon, same with the prequel trilogy. So, if Kenobi is the standard then SNW is doing just as well if not better.
