I can run a mile in under 5 minutes. You old farts wanna race?
Sure. But I warn you: I'm tough to beat when I've just had a can of soda and the closest bathroom is on the other side of the finish line.
[Al Bundy] Let's rock. [/Al Bundy]
I am going to be turning 59 in about 3 weeks. I am losing hair where I want to keep it and growing hair where I don't. I want the next 6 years to go by fast so I can retire, but don't want the years to go by so I can stay younger. When you are younger, time goes by much slower than when you are older. When I was a kid, summer lasted forever and now it's over in a flash. As I get older, more health issues crop up and more pills do I take. Thank heavens for Benefits. Unfortunately, not the type with friends. Friends have passed away reminding me of my mortality. I start thinking, how many years do I have left and that is depressing and scares the hell out of me. On the plus side, I have a wonderful wife and son. I have been able to watch him grow up into an amazing 24 year old man. Even though my wife and I had some problems a few years ago, we are now the best of friends and couldn't ask for more.
I can run a mile in under 5 minutes. You old farts wanna race?
Sure. But I warn you: I'm tough to beat when I've just had a can of soda and the closest bathroom is on the other side of the finish line.
[Al Bundy] Let's rock. [/Al Bundy]
If you think that I am gullible enough to believe for a millisecond that YOU. WON'T. CHEAT, you've got another thing coming, mister.
Ah.
So. You did read the bio.
I don't see your name on the list, young man! Put up or shut up!
Hey J. Allen!
HIjol with two quick stories guaranteed to make you feel much better, and one piece of advice I hope you will take. And the best part?
It'll cost you nothing!
Story 1:
I am way beyond "A Creature of Habit," and my morning routine is no exception. While not a snob, I do enjoy high-end freshly ground coffee brewed fresh in the morning. (You would think, here in the United Arab Emirates, you could get good regular coffee - you would be in error) So it takes some doing to find good coffee, and one certainly does not want to waste it.
Padding into my kitchen, as I have done in various households for the past 40 of my 57 years, I:
~placed my #4 filter into my filterholder, remembering that
Four shall be the filter number thou shalt use, and the number of the filter shall be four. Three shalt thou not use, neither use thou two or three, excepting that thou then proceed to #4. Five is right out.
~poured a full carafe of freshly drawn bottled water
(the water here is either desalianated or "treated" ...hell. no.
~positioned my coffee grinder in optimum position
(grinding torque is key here)
~opened the freezer door
~took out three ice cubes
~carefully placed them in the coffee grinder
~plugged it in
...and seconds, and I mean seconds before I pushed down the
grinder I realized what I was doing.
Story 2:
Coming home after a LOOONNNGG day of trying to educate
children who mostly do not have education high on their
list, I pulled my keys out of my pocket to unlock my front
door. Tired. I tried to unlock the door, but no dice. So I
did what any god-fearing, problem-solving American
would do. I tried again. And again. And, yet again.
Still no dot cubes.
Then I figured it out. I was trying to use my remote car door
opener button, attached to the keys.
And now, the Advice:
Find The Humor. It is everywhere. Everywhere. Find it. I know you can. I know it is easy for me to say, but you and I may be a little more similar than you think.
^^ Great advice. You can either laugh or cry-- the stupid-ass world will be the same either way.
No. You young whipper snappers wanna play Trivial Pursuit?You don't get the cane until you're fifty. We're always one step ahead of you.I am filing a protest! Now, where is my cane so I can shake it at your whipper-snappers?
I can run a mile in under 5 minutes. You old farts wanna race?
So, you reach into your overnight bag for a condom, tear it open and fumble with it (still)...and realize you mistakenly grabbed the denture cleanser tablet.
<sigh>
My memory's still good enough to astound some of my friends at what I can recall years or even decades after the fact, but it's not as good as it used to be. I can tell you more or less what shirt I wore to my junior high school homeroom one morning but not what I had for breakfast the other day.
No. You young whipper snappers wanna play Trivial Pursuit?
Sure! It's a lot easier to cheat if your opponent is asleep in the La-z-boy.
Eeeeeyeah, I thought I was mature enough to let this go, but I can't.
The. Last. Word.
Man, that felt good.
That's my Bunny!
Eeeeeyeah, I thought I was mature enough to let this go, but I can't.
The. Last. Word.
Man, that felt good.
You even managed to drag me into this thread.
I'll let you win that race. It would be miracle for me to run a mile these days. Probably the last time I ran a mile would have been over 15 years ago.
Age is just a number to me, as I also turned 40 this year. I still listen to the same radio station and same music. Age hasn't changed me.
Not me. I've gotten more awesomer since I turned 40. 
I can attest to that! Also, I've gotten more awesome since I turned 40 about two weeks ago. Didn't notice it at first, but there's a certain something happening, and it's not just middle-age gas or lower back muscle spasms.
Not me. I've gotten more awesomer since I turned 40.
As have I, since I turned 40, 17 years ago!
Little Known Fact; the "Lego Movie" theme song was really written for moi!
I have the self-same gift, cooleddie since I turned 40, 17 years ago, but it is absoLUTely because of middle-age gas AND lower back muscle spasms,
But I mean well!
Has it been two weeks already?
Yeah, but I could beat you in my sleep.No. You young whipper snappers wanna play Trivial Pursuit?
Sure! It's a lot easier to cheat if your opponent is asleep in the La-z-boy.
Same here. And I've got fourteen years of awesome on you.Not me. I've gotten more awesomer since I turned 40.
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