What is it like getting older?

[Tim Walker]

The marker of middle age is a very abrupt-too abrupt to overlook-drop in your level of energy. Or, as one friend described it, you "run out of gas." This I experienced a few months before my 42nd birthday. You end up functioning with half the energy you had.

A few things about your fifties that I have noticed: 1. A general tendency to mellow out. Not bad, actually. 2. Time seems to become short. With limited time and energy, ambitions begin to seem unworkable. 3. Fading of ones sex drive. 4. The infirmities of old age may start to make their appearance-hopefully you will be luckier than I.

I now regard myself as being in late middle age. At this point, I have started to yearn for retirement, but I suspect I will work into my seventies.



The marker for old age? An acquaintance (in her seventies) announced online that she had reached it when she turned "cold blooded."

 

[cooleddie74]

Where the devil is that 40 and over thread? Now that I qualify for it it's gone.

Did it die of old age or something?

Nah, it just got sucked into another Matlock marathon on the Hallmark Channel or something and then nodded off about halfway through the night.

 

[Nick086]

" Three things to remember when you get older: never pass up a bathroom, never waste a hard-on, and never trust a fart." Edward Cole -Bucket List.

 

[Turd Ferguson]

I just turned 35 and I'm in the best shape of my life. I was never a total fatass by any means, I was pretty chunky, but a year and a half ago I started at the gym. It was a downer at first, I was unable to lift much. I'm glad I stuck with it, because my bench is now 285, I'm deadlifting 465, and my squats, which are my weakest lift, are around 315. I go the gym 4 to five days a week, and I have a lot more energy then I did when I was 21.

My sex drive is through the roof. I "accessed my manual steering column" anywhere from three to four times a day when I was a teenager, and that hasn't changed.

I was going prematurely grey and bald, so I just said "fuck it" and started shaving my head. I was never one that got checked out by the ladies before, but combined with my new muscles and self esteem (it takes courage to shave one's own head), I'm now starting to notice the opposite gender giving me a second look.

I'm of the opinion that you are only as old as you feel. If you go about life telling yourself you're old, that's how you're going to feel. I'm staying active and I feel great, therefore I feel young.

 

[Tora Ziyal]

^I hope I get old.

Indeed! I hope you do, too.

Someone described me today as "the lady with gray hair" who lives in such-and-such house. Not fair! My hair is less than half gray!

It's definitely time for some colorful highlights again.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

"You know you're getting older if you show people around your house and you point to the bathroom and go, 'That's where the magic happens.'" - Larry the Cable Guy

 

[Tim Walker]

If Ferguson is indeed a 35 year old, then the degenerative aspects of aging have not yet made an appearance. In terms of physiology, the thirties are still part of young adulthood.

 

[HIjol]

"Manual Steering Column"

Holy.
Crap.

I am gonna go watch "Cocoon."

Anybody coming?...I promise to turn it up.

 

[Turd Ferguson]

If Ferguson is indeed a 35 year old, then the degenerative aspects of aging have not yet made an appearance. In terms of physiology, the thirties are still part of young adulthood.

I've been told by several people mid thirties are the prime powerlifting age. Now, I've seen people I graduated with and by their appearance, you would think they were in their late fifties/early sixties.

 

[Amaris]

I think I have so much trouble dealing with being 34 (I'll be 35 in March) because it has been drilled in my head, even at a young age, that if you want to succeed, you have to hit the ground running, and at the age of 19 I wasn't even at the starting gate. I'm still not at the starting gate, and 15 years have passed, so it gnaws at me all of the time. It also doesn't help to see my fellow classmates building real lives for themselves. That brings on a significant amount of stress on its own. I mean, in high school, everyone figured I was just going to kick total ass out of the gate, because I aced everything. There were a number of smart guys in our high school, and I was seen as one of the bigger ones.

As I told a friend in some correspondence, I wish I could go back and tell my high school self that nothing is guaranteed, and the career you think you're going to have, the relationships you think will happen, they won't. Not on automatic, they won't. Reality is like a runaway freight train, and I never saw that bastard coming until it was way too late. So now I count days, hours, even minutes. For me, the passage of time is just the sand running out of the hourglass. I'm an agnostic, so I don't believe in any afterlife, which sucks. I think if I did, it would be less stressful, but I could never convince myself of that. I'd want proof, and right now there's only one way to find out, and I'm not eager to do so.

 

[Nick086]

I notice a lot of grannies get the case of the walking farts whenever I see them pushing their carts or walking in the stores. Now I notice a lot of them don't say sorry to the people around them.

 

[RoJoHen]

I mean, in high school, everyone figured I was just going to kick total ass out of the gate, because I aced everything. There were a number of smart guys in our high school, and I was seen as one of the bigger ones.

I was one of the smartest kids all through grade school and high school. Now I'm a bartender, and many of the "stupid" kids have high-paying salaries and have to wear a suit and tie to work every day.

I've learned that high school was pretty much meaningless in terms of adulthood success.

That said, I'm 29, and I've been pretty confident for a long time that my mid-30s are where I'm really going to shine, so I'm looking forward to seeing what the next few years bring.

 

[Amaris]

I mean, in high school, everyone figured I was just going to kick total ass out of the gate, because I aced everything. There were a number of smart guys in our high school, and I was seen as one of the bigger ones.

I was one of the smartest kids all through grade school and high school. Now I'm a bartender, and many of the "stupid" kids have high-paying salaries and have to wear a suit and tie to work every day.

I've learned that high school was pretty much meaningless in terms of adulthood success.

That said, I'm 29, and I've been pretty confident for a long time that my mid-30s are where I'm really going to shine, so I'm looking forward to seeing what the next few years bring.

It is my fervent hope that your mid-30s are better than mine.

 

[Tim Walker]

J. Allen, there is the concept of Late Bloomers. According to books and web sites, some people achieve success-"bloom"-later in life.

 

[Amaris]

J. Allen, there is the concept of Late Bloomers. According to books and web sites, some people achieve success-"bloom"-later in life.

I'm aware of the concept, though I'm not sure if it applies here. Intellectually, emotionally, I developed far earlier than my peers. If we're talking in terms of careers and relationships, then that is most certainly disheartening. There's no such thing as happily ever after, as much as I wish there were, because all things end. The idea that being loved, or being financially successful, for a short time makes it all worthwhile is just so much Hollywood trickery to me. It's a lovely sentiment, but it just rings hollow for me.

What's the point of finally achieving something if you're not around long enough to truly enjoy and explore it? People finding love in their advancing years is sweet, but how much time was there to actually enjoy it? How sweet was it when one's body deteriorates so rapidly at that age? I believe in cherishing every moment, but at what point does it become a fool's errand? A last, dashing gasp at living before death claims you?

I'm not trying to be a downer, not at all, but this stuff just roars through my head every day, a constant rush of powerful negativity, and you wouldn't think it, but I'm an optimist, and combating that kind of thing wears you down after a number of decades.

Sometimes I think there's no room for me here, that I don't have a place of my own, or a person who can connect with me on the level I need, and it feels like everything is just speeding away so fast, and I can't keep up with it all, or even any of it, and that things are only getting faster as I get slower and more confused. I can already feel my body starting to betray me, how long until my mind does the same? I'm burned out. Out. Completely. I have been for years, and at this point the ashes of my ashes' ashes are smoldering.

In short, I feel broken, used up, washed out, and alone at 34. I dread what lies ahead if life so far has been any indication. Sucks for a man who doesn't believe in the likelihood of an afterlife, because at least I could pretend that everything balances out in the end. My status has gone from "It will be alright," to "Okay, fine," to "I'm not okay." That's where I am now. I'm not okay.

 

[RJDiogenes]

Sometimes I think there's no room for me here

Man, I always hate it when I hear you say things like this, J. It's so the opposite of who you are. You're a nice guy with very positive ideals-- basically, the kind of guy this world needs. You've got to just stop focusing on the negative and embrace the positive. You can appreciate the beauty of a sunrise even though it only lasts a few minutes. Same with a sunset. Enjoy what you enjoy when you can. Look back in fondness on good memories. Laugh at the absurdity of it all. And if you're worried about time, you shouldn't be-- I'm twenty years older than you and I've got plenty left, so you've got it made.

 

[Amaris]

Sometimes I think there's no room for me here

Man, I always hate it when I hear you say things like this, J. It's so the opposite of who you are. You're a nice guy with very positive ideals-- basically, the kind of guy this world needs. You've got to just stop focusing on the negative and embrace the positive. You can appreciate the beauty of a sunrise even though it only lasts a few minutes. Same with a sunset. Enjoy what you enjoy when you can. Look back in fondness on good memories. Laugh at the absurdity of it all. And if you're worried about time, you shouldn't be-- I'm twenty years older than you and I've got plenty left, so you've got it made.

There aren't many positives left. I used to say "I'm the eternal optimist," but apparently eternity's a might bit shorter than I figured. I don't really see waking up every morning as a positive. At best, it's implicit acceptance of a continuation of events. In fact, there are times when I downright dread the day ahead. I'm exhausted. That's the whole reason I started this thread two years ago.

Look at this quote from my very first post in the thread:

People twice my age, and older, are living full lives. Yet somewhere in my head, there's this idea that once I get older, life won't be as pleasant, or as sweet, but I don't believe that (or I should say, I choose not to believe that).

Look at that optimism, that determination. Two years since that post, and nothing has changed in my life, save for the erosion of my optimism. Two more years of slogging through another day, compounded by all of the years before that. We're getting ready to enter 2015 in a few months. I will be 35 years old in that year, and I already feel like I'm 70.

People say you're only as old as you feel. Well, I feel dead. I feel used up, extinguished, numb. Right now I'm pulling down a huge anxiety attack, and it just saps all of my energy, and my will, and replaces it with this awful buzzing feeling, like I've touched a livewire and can't let go. I mean, at some point my optimism will shine through again, but those instances are getting fewer, and fewer. No man is a rock, and even a rock can be weathered and worn.

It is during this time that my greatest fears are at their apex, where I feel like a fraud, or a fool. This is where being lonely is the worst thing. I hate it. I hate it more than anything else in the world.

See what I mean? This is me at 34. What will it be at 40? 50? 60? 70 if I ever reach that number? Age is more than just a number, but that number does matter. It will matter until people measure their lives in millennia rather than decades, long past the time when my bones will have become less than dust. Age is a curse. Old age a punishment, and youth is the fool, who rushes headlong into the abyss, thinking that death will blink and miss him.

 

[SPCTRE]

Have you considered talking to a therapist, J.? It helped me a great deal when I was going through a rough time.

 

[DimesDan]

Have you considered talking to a therapist, J.? It helped me a great deal when I was going through a rough time.

I second this. I did that four years ago now when my live sucked and had been suckie for a while. It helped me take stock and work through a few demons. Since then, I've met the woman I plan on living the rest of my life with, moved out of the family home and in with her, went back into higher education and planning a wedding now.

 

[Melakon]

I think we all feel like a fraud at least sometimes, J. I've lived alone most of my life, and always used to say there's a difference between being alone and being lonely. I still believe that, but after hitting 60 a few years ago, I think I'm beginning to know what feeling lonely is like. But giving up is not an option for me, since there's always the possibility I might meet someone tomorrow that will help me with that, though I'm not actively looking for anyone.