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Voyager Caption Contest #144 One Small Step (back) for Chakotay

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It's a shame none of us have the balls to publicly contradict Wang's Fart Wars story. If only the fans knew how Kate could rip one too. Geeze this one trumps you, Tim!"
 
I understand now. They're talking about something I wasn't in on so I thought he meant the words themselves.
 
Can't post an image of the penisrock. Not allowed as long as we live under the rule of Goddamn butt-fucking communist GoogleAdSense.


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In this rare behind-the-scenes picture from season six, Beltran ponders if it was such a great idea to sink so much money into Oophin (UPN) stock.
 
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Chak: Shiver me timbers!
Janes: Good work immediately undermining our standing with that indigenous life form, Commander.


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Chak:
My people have a saying....if you teach a man to fish, wait - if a man can fish, and you eat fish together - no, if you can lead a man to fish, but you can't make him eat a fish....


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Chaks: I realize none of the crew are around, but could you please not call me "Scrotay MaGoatay"?
Janes: Whatever you say, Tay Zonday Chocolate Rain Robinson.


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Kim: Think about it...If Captain Janeway left you in charge, and she left with Tuvok, B'Elanna, and Seven, who would be in command of the ship?
Chakotay: Wait, I know this one....Is Carey still alive?


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Chaks: Check out my kidneystone.
Sevens: That is not your kidneystone, that is the alien designated "The Caretaker".
Chaks: Still hurt like hell coming out.
Sevens: Wait - what?


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Chaks: Don't shoot! We're Americans!
Torres: Can I still shoot him?
 
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Chakotay: This is a piece of coral rock I took from Picard's fish tank the day before I took off to join the Maquis.
 
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JANEWAY: Brace yourselves. The 'Wooden' jokes are coming.

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CHAKOTAY: You know, the Maquis have a very different take on this situation.

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CHAKOTAY: You know if they never come back for us, we'll probably fall in love!
JANEWAY: I suppose Ill eventually have dementia.
CHAKOTAY: I can wait!

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KIM: That makes no sense. Why would Seven be attracted to you?
CHAKOTAY: They say opposites attract. She is a powerful, assertive woman.
KIM: Then why isn't she attracted to me?

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CHAKOTAY: Hey girl. I found you this cool rock!
SEVEN: You haven't courted a girl since the playground, have you?

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CHAKOTAY: Okay, okay! We get it, I'm wooden!
 
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Chakotay: The creature really was this big, B'Elanna. And no I wasn't meditating at the time, it was real.
Tuvok: If I was not a Vulcan I would laugh.
 
Don't let me down guys..... :D :D :D
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Beltran: Captain, it looks like your tricorder is picking up TECH ahead.
Director: CUT!!! What are you doing?
Beltran: Reciting my lines.
Director: You aren't supposed to say TECH!
Beltran: But then why would the tricorder be picking up a head right now? No one got decapitated.
Director: Oh for the love of...




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Let me get this straight... so I'm going to get paid to be here for 7 years, and on top of that, get paid convention appearances as long as I want for the rest of my life. All I have to do is stop trying to act and relentlessly complain about the writers? Where do I sign?

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I collect unusually shaped rocks. This one I call "The Teddy Bear" . Back in my quarters, I've got another one from the great-grandson of Hikaru Sulu, that he got from James T. Kirk himself. You've got to see it to believe it.

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Sorry guys. It must be those craft services burritos. Either that, or my opinion of this script just leaked out.
 
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SEVEN: Once again. Scissors cuts Paper. Paper covers Rock. Rock crushes Lizard. Lizard poisons Spock. Spock smashes Scissors. Scissors decapitates Lizard. Lizard eats Paper. Paper disproves Spock. Spock vaporizes Rock and as it always has Rock crushes Scissors
 
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PARIS: Did you try the ready room?

CHAKOTAY: No it wasn't there..

KIM: Maybe it's in your quarters.

CHAKOTAY: No, not there either.... Where the hell did I leave my charisma?
 
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Captain's Log: After this point, it became clear that sending the two most senior officers on a dangerous mission alone was a mistake. Tuvok out.


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Tuvok: You are illogical.

Neelix: You're too logical!

Tuvok: Am not!

Neelix: Are too!

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Janeway: Okay, we've got spatial analyzers, bio scanners, computer processors, holo-imagers, phase decompilers, flux routers, phase inverter coulpings-

Chakotay: Chakotay to Voyager. Just beam me up, better to die quickly than slowly.

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Kim: Why are you wearing that?

Chakotay: It's Casual Friday.

Kim: It's Tuesday!

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Chakotay: This could be the key to understanding an entirely new life form.

Seven: It is fossilized doo doo.

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Chakotay: Gods of this planet, I summon good weather!

B'Elanna: Even the planet thinks that blows!
 
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Chakotay: The Federation comes in peace! We never displace indigenous peoples!
Torres: Um, these are Indians.
Chakotay: We are going to displace your indigenous peoples!


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Chakotay: You know, now that our crews no longer matter we can go back to both being equal. You can call me Captain Chakotay again.
Janeway: Or I could smash your balls with a rock while you sleep.
Chakotay: Then again, "Commander" is good. I'd have to relabel all my underwear anyway.
 
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Chakotay: Don't be afraid. We come in peace.

Aliens: (offscreen) We don't.

Paris: (voiceover) And that's how I became First Officer of the starship Voyager.
 
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CHAKOTAY: Are you sure a garage sale is the best idea?
JANEWAY: No money. Need coffee. So shut up and start writing price tags!
 
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Chakotay: What the hell is this?! I thought I told you to take only what you need to SURVIVE!

Janeway: It's my industrial strength coffee machine...AND I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT IT!!
 
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