Originally posted on fanfiction.net - Link.
Note: This story takes place right before the episode "Veritas".
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Not-So-Great Debates
“You are so wrong!” Mariner shouted confidently.
“Me?” Boimler defended. “You’re the one who doesn’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Hey, I always know what I’m talking about,” Mariner snapped. “Except when I don’t and just boldly bluff my way through it, though you’d never know the difference.”
“Well this is obviously one of those times,” Boimler stated. “All the bluff and bluster in the galaxy won’t change the truth.”
“It can if you do it right!” Mariner boasted.
“You know, you guys really shouldn’t be acting like this,” Rutherford said while aligning a set of torque sensors. He, Mariner and Boimler were in the Repair Bay working on the dilapidated shuttlecraft propped up on support blocks. “We’re all highly trained Starfleet officers. We’re scientists. Discussions and conclusions should be based on facts.”
“My conclusions are based on facts,” Mariner insisted jerking a thumb at Boimler. “It’s Brain Dead Boims over here who’s refusing to face reality.”
“Says the officer who insists on promoting a fantasy!” Boimler shot back. “There are tribble lover clubs on Qo'noS with more support than your so-called arguments.”
“Well your arguments are more bogus than a drought report on Ferenginar!” Mariner snapped. “You’re more wronger than Wrongy Wrongguy McWrongman, the Wrongest Wrongian on the planet Wrong!”
“Hi everybody!” Tendi chirped entering the Repair Bay. “Sorry I’m late. Have you heard the latest? I overheard some big guy wearing a towel say the Cerritos supposedly just entered orbit of some planet named K'Tuevon Prime…”
“We can catch up on the latest gossip later, T,” Mariner cut her off. “Right now we got more important things to focus on!”
“You mean working on making this old, rundown shuttlecraft spaceworthy?” Tendi asked picking up a hyperspanner.
“Even better!” Mariner declared.
“Face it, Mariner. There’s no more avoiding the truth,” Boimler looked her in the eye. “The senior officers of the Enterprise D would beat any other senior staff in a dancing contest.”
“Are you crazy?” Mariner howled. “Kirk and his senior officers would be the best dancing bridge crew of all time!”
“How do you know that?” Boimler asked. “It’s not like there’s archival footage of Kirk and the others dancing during their prime.”
“Hello! Ever heard of the planet Mudd?” Mariner rapped Boimler on the head. “Scotty, Chekov and the others were reported to have been down there dancing up a storm. Plus, they had dance master Uhura who gives Kirk’s crew an automatic win!”
“No it doesn’t!” Boimler protested. “Any dance routine Uhura ever did, Beverly Crusher could do backwards while riding a unicycle.”
“Yeah right. Like ol’ Bev would ever be caught riding one of those things,” Mariner snorted. “Crusher may have been good, but she wasn’t that good.”
“She’s said to have taught Data how to dance,” Boimler pointed out. “And Data could easily learn to master any dance. Between the two of them they’d put Picard’s crew as the clear winners for sure.”
“In your holodreams!” Mariner rolled her eyes.
“You guys are arguing about which ship’s bridge crew would win a dancing competition?” Tendi blinked in surprise. “Ooooh! What an intriguing topic!”
“I know, right?” Boimler smiled while checking the shuttle’s impulse flow regulators. “Picard’s senior officers would win any dancing contest. They had Crusher, Data, Troi, Riker. Picard himself is rumored to have done the mambo in his younger days.”
“Big whoop,” Mariner scoffed. “Despite the awesome amount of dancing talent those guys had, they still couldn’t hold a candle to Kirk’s crew. Just think about it! Uhura, Kirk, Chekov, Scotty, Sulu, great dancers all! Though I gotta say, I might not want to see Scotty dance. Especially if he’s wearing a kilt…”
“What about Spock?” Tendi asked.
“Okay, Spock might have a little trouble with it,” Mariner admitted. “But like Data, I’m sure he could learn to be a great dancer. Heck, if he put his mind to it, I bet he could do a pretty good flamenco.”
“Well, maybe,” Boimler allowed. “But even if Spock could dance, he’d definitely be the weak link of Kirk’s crew. Wow, there’s something I never thought I’d say.”
“You’re forgetting about the weak link among Picard’s officers,” Rutherford spoke up. “Worf.”
“Oh, you’re right,” Boimler blinked. “I forgot about him.”
“How could anyone ever forget about Worf?” Mariner chided. “He’s even more unforgettable than Kahless and just as hopeless a dancer.”
“Unfortunately, I have to agree,” Boimler sighed in resignation. “I can practically hear Worf’s signature bass right now…” Boimler quickly did an impression. “‘Klingons do not dance!’”
“Wow, that was really good,” Tendi praised. “At least I think it’s good having never heard Worf speak myself.”
“Thank you,” Boimler preened. “I’ve been working on it for a long time.”
“Keep working on it, Boims,” Mariner advised. “You’re bound to have plenty of time now that you’ve admitted that my Main Man Worf would be a total drag on Picard’s crew’s dance roster.”
“Gee, I guess that means the same reasoning would apply to Sisko’s crew on Deep Space Nine too,” Rutherford commented. “Since Worf was one of Sisko’s senior officers for a time.”
“So was O’Brien,” Boimler said. “I bet he’d be a pretty good dancer. Hey, maybe Sisko’s crew could beat Kirk’s. Pre-Worf that is.”
“Na, no way, Boims,” Mariner shook her head. “That could never happen.”
“Why not?” Rutherford asked. “Sisko’s senior officers were a diverse, talented bunch. Bashir was genetically enhanced. Dax had over seven lifetimes of dance experience. And Odo could have shifted himself into a form which allowed him to dance with multiple legs and feet.”
“Hey, that’s not fair. Odo would’ve skewed the curve,” Mariner protested. “Though even with such a curve, Kirk’s crew would still have come out on top. Even with Kira rivaling Uhura in the dancing department.”
“Kira could dance?” Boimler blinked in surprise.
“How do you know that?” Rutherford asked.
“How could I not know that?” Mariner rolled her eyes. “I surprised you don’t know that, Boims. Haven’t you seen Kira’s and Crusher’s famous dance duet?”
“No,” Boimler shook his head. “When did that happen?”
“Eh, I’ll show ya later,” Mariner waved. “Right after Ruthy admits that DS9’s crew would go down in inglorious dancing defeat.”
“They would not!” Rutherford insisted. “Sisko’s senior officers would be great dancers!”
“Some of them maybe,” Mariner stated. “But not all of them. Sisko and O’Brien probably had two left feet each. Heck, Odo literally could have two left feet! Or more!”
“What about Bashir? He was genetically enhanced,” Rutherford repeated. “He could have learned and mastered any dance just like Data and Spock. And unlike Data or Spock, he had fully embraced human emotions which he could channel and use to further enhance his dancing.”
“Couldn’t the Doctor on Voyager do the same thing?” Tendi asked. “He had advanced so far beyond his original programming he could probably have put a lot of emotion into his dancing. Once he learned how to dance that is. If he hadn’t already.”
“Good point,” Boimler nodded. “Though aside from the Doctor, Voyager’s senior staff were probably dance-wise mediocre.”
“What do you mean?” Tendi asked. “I bet the rest of Voyager’s crew were great dancers.”
“I dunno,” Rutherford looked somewhat skeptical. “Think about who they had on that ship. Tuvok, Neelix, Torres, Seven of Nine…”
“Neelix could dance,” Tendi insisted. “In his own way. And I’m sure Seven of Nine could dance too.”
“Yeah, if she didn’t dislocate somebody’s shoulder first,” Mariner snorted. “That lady reportedly couldn’t even handle a little synthehol. Do you really think she could handle herself on the dance floor?”
“Yes,” Boimler said. “Eventually…”
“So could Torres,” Tendi said supportively. “The ‘Klingons do not dance’ declaration wouldn’t apply to her. I bet she’d be an excellent dancer. Along with every other senior officer on Voyager.”
“Yeah right,” Mariner snorted mockingly. “I can just see all the Voyager guys right now with linked arms and doing a kickline or old-fashioned Irish stepdance.”
“It could happen,” Rutherford blinked.
“And the Borg could suddenly quit their attempts at perfection and galactic expansion and form their own singing and dancing troupe,” Mariner said. “But it sure the heck ain’t likely!”
“It happened to a certain forgotten group of Jem’Hadar,” Tendi pointed out.
“Don’t remind me,” Boimler groaned.
“Just face it, peoples,” Mariner fixed her friends with a look. “Kirk’s senior staff would hands down be the winners of any dancing competition!”
“No, Picard’s officers would be!” Boimler shot back.
“No, it would be Sisko’s command staff on Deep Space Nine!” Rutherford insisted.
“Janeway and Voyager all the way!” Tendi declared.
“Ensigns Mariner, Boimler, Tendi and Rutherford,” Lieutenant Commander Stevens voice was suddenly heard over the ship’s comm. “Report to Transporter Room One immediately.”
“On our way,” Boimler replied tapped his combadge. “Look like we’ll have to continue this debate some other time.”
“Awww, not again,” Tendi pouted getting to her feet. “We always get interrupted whenever we talk about something fascinating and cool.”
“And we didn’t get to do much work on the shuttlecraft either,” Rutherford sighed putting away his tools. “Wonder what kind of task we’re being called on to complete this time?”
“Eh, who knows?” Mariner shrugged as the four ensigns exited the Repair Bay. “Probably just another dumb, random assignment nobody else wants to do. Ol’ Stevens probably won’t even bother giving us all the details.”
“Yeah right,” Boimler scoffed. “Like that could ever…okay, it has happened once or half a dozen times before, but that doesn’t mean it’s necessarily going to happen this time.”
“Ooooh, maybe we’ll be asked to perform in some kind of dancing contest,” Tendi suggested excitedly. “Maybe even watch the Cerritos’ senior officers dance. Wouldn’t that be fun?”
“Don’t give your hopes, T. I doubt we’ll ever get that lucky,” Mariner said confidently. “Then again, you never know!”
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Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek: Lower Decks.
Note: This story takes place right before the episode "Veritas".
--------------------------------------
Not-So-Great Debates
“You are so wrong!” Mariner shouted confidently.
“Me?” Boimler defended. “You’re the one who doesn’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Hey, I always know what I’m talking about,” Mariner snapped. “Except when I don’t and just boldly bluff my way through it, though you’d never know the difference.”
“Well this is obviously one of those times,” Boimler stated. “All the bluff and bluster in the galaxy won’t change the truth.”
“It can if you do it right!” Mariner boasted.
“You know, you guys really shouldn’t be acting like this,” Rutherford said while aligning a set of torque sensors. He, Mariner and Boimler were in the Repair Bay working on the dilapidated shuttlecraft propped up on support blocks. “We’re all highly trained Starfleet officers. We’re scientists. Discussions and conclusions should be based on facts.”
“My conclusions are based on facts,” Mariner insisted jerking a thumb at Boimler. “It’s Brain Dead Boims over here who’s refusing to face reality.”
“Says the officer who insists on promoting a fantasy!” Boimler shot back. “There are tribble lover clubs on Qo'noS with more support than your so-called arguments.”
“Well your arguments are more bogus than a drought report on Ferenginar!” Mariner snapped. “You’re more wronger than Wrongy Wrongguy McWrongman, the Wrongest Wrongian on the planet Wrong!”
“Hi everybody!” Tendi chirped entering the Repair Bay. “Sorry I’m late. Have you heard the latest? I overheard some big guy wearing a towel say the Cerritos supposedly just entered orbit of some planet named K'Tuevon Prime…”
“We can catch up on the latest gossip later, T,” Mariner cut her off. “Right now we got more important things to focus on!”
“You mean working on making this old, rundown shuttlecraft spaceworthy?” Tendi asked picking up a hyperspanner.
“Even better!” Mariner declared.
“Face it, Mariner. There’s no more avoiding the truth,” Boimler looked her in the eye. “The senior officers of the Enterprise D would beat any other senior staff in a dancing contest.”
“Are you crazy?” Mariner howled. “Kirk and his senior officers would be the best dancing bridge crew of all time!”
“How do you know that?” Boimler asked. “It’s not like there’s archival footage of Kirk and the others dancing during their prime.”
“Hello! Ever heard of the planet Mudd?” Mariner rapped Boimler on the head. “Scotty, Chekov and the others were reported to have been down there dancing up a storm. Plus, they had dance master Uhura who gives Kirk’s crew an automatic win!”
“No it doesn’t!” Boimler protested. “Any dance routine Uhura ever did, Beverly Crusher could do backwards while riding a unicycle.”
“Yeah right. Like ol’ Bev would ever be caught riding one of those things,” Mariner snorted. “Crusher may have been good, but she wasn’t that good.”
“She’s said to have taught Data how to dance,” Boimler pointed out. “And Data could easily learn to master any dance. Between the two of them they’d put Picard’s crew as the clear winners for sure.”
“In your holodreams!” Mariner rolled her eyes.
“You guys are arguing about which ship’s bridge crew would win a dancing competition?” Tendi blinked in surprise. “Ooooh! What an intriguing topic!”
“I know, right?” Boimler smiled while checking the shuttle’s impulse flow regulators. “Picard’s senior officers would win any dancing contest. They had Crusher, Data, Troi, Riker. Picard himself is rumored to have done the mambo in his younger days.”
“Big whoop,” Mariner scoffed. “Despite the awesome amount of dancing talent those guys had, they still couldn’t hold a candle to Kirk’s crew. Just think about it! Uhura, Kirk, Chekov, Scotty, Sulu, great dancers all! Though I gotta say, I might not want to see Scotty dance. Especially if he’s wearing a kilt…”
“What about Spock?” Tendi asked.
“Okay, Spock might have a little trouble with it,” Mariner admitted. “But like Data, I’m sure he could learn to be a great dancer. Heck, if he put his mind to it, I bet he could do a pretty good flamenco.”
“Well, maybe,” Boimler allowed. “But even if Spock could dance, he’d definitely be the weak link of Kirk’s crew. Wow, there’s something I never thought I’d say.”
“You’re forgetting about the weak link among Picard’s officers,” Rutherford spoke up. “Worf.”
“Oh, you’re right,” Boimler blinked. “I forgot about him.”
“How could anyone ever forget about Worf?” Mariner chided. “He’s even more unforgettable than Kahless and just as hopeless a dancer.”
“Unfortunately, I have to agree,” Boimler sighed in resignation. “I can practically hear Worf’s signature bass right now…” Boimler quickly did an impression. “‘Klingons do not dance!’”
“Wow, that was really good,” Tendi praised. “At least I think it’s good having never heard Worf speak myself.”
“Thank you,” Boimler preened. “I’ve been working on it for a long time.”
“Keep working on it, Boims,” Mariner advised. “You’re bound to have plenty of time now that you’ve admitted that my Main Man Worf would be a total drag on Picard’s crew’s dance roster.”
“Gee, I guess that means the same reasoning would apply to Sisko’s crew on Deep Space Nine too,” Rutherford commented. “Since Worf was one of Sisko’s senior officers for a time.”
“So was O’Brien,” Boimler said. “I bet he’d be a pretty good dancer. Hey, maybe Sisko’s crew could beat Kirk’s. Pre-Worf that is.”
“Na, no way, Boims,” Mariner shook her head. “That could never happen.”
“Why not?” Rutherford asked. “Sisko’s senior officers were a diverse, talented bunch. Bashir was genetically enhanced. Dax had over seven lifetimes of dance experience. And Odo could have shifted himself into a form which allowed him to dance with multiple legs and feet.”
“Hey, that’s not fair. Odo would’ve skewed the curve,” Mariner protested. “Though even with such a curve, Kirk’s crew would still have come out on top. Even with Kira rivaling Uhura in the dancing department.”
“Kira could dance?” Boimler blinked in surprise.
“How do you know that?” Rutherford asked.
“How could I not know that?” Mariner rolled her eyes. “I surprised you don’t know that, Boims. Haven’t you seen Kira’s and Crusher’s famous dance duet?”
“No,” Boimler shook his head. “When did that happen?”
“Eh, I’ll show ya later,” Mariner waved. “Right after Ruthy admits that DS9’s crew would go down in inglorious dancing defeat.”
“They would not!” Rutherford insisted. “Sisko’s senior officers would be great dancers!”
“Some of them maybe,” Mariner stated. “But not all of them. Sisko and O’Brien probably had two left feet each. Heck, Odo literally could have two left feet! Or more!”
“What about Bashir? He was genetically enhanced,” Rutherford repeated. “He could have learned and mastered any dance just like Data and Spock. And unlike Data or Spock, he had fully embraced human emotions which he could channel and use to further enhance his dancing.”
“Couldn’t the Doctor on Voyager do the same thing?” Tendi asked. “He had advanced so far beyond his original programming he could probably have put a lot of emotion into his dancing. Once he learned how to dance that is. If he hadn’t already.”
“Good point,” Boimler nodded. “Though aside from the Doctor, Voyager’s senior staff were probably dance-wise mediocre.”
“What do you mean?” Tendi asked. “I bet the rest of Voyager’s crew were great dancers.”
“I dunno,” Rutherford looked somewhat skeptical. “Think about who they had on that ship. Tuvok, Neelix, Torres, Seven of Nine…”
“Neelix could dance,” Tendi insisted. “In his own way. And I’m sure Seven of Nine could dance too.”
“Yeah, if she didn’t dislocate somebody’s shoulder first,” Mariner snorted. “That lady reportedly couldn’t even handle a little synthehol. Do you really think she could handle herself on the dance floor?”
“Yes,” Boimler said. “Eventually…”
“So could Torres,” Tendi said supportively. “The ‘Klingons do not dance’ declaration wouldn’t apply to her. I bet she’d be an excellent dancer. Along with every other senior officer on Voyager.”
“Yeah right,” Mariner snorted mockingly. “I can just see all the Voyager guys right now with linked arms and doing a kickline or old-fashioned Irish stepdance.”
“It could happen,” Rutherford blinked.
“And the Borg could suddenly quit their attempts at perfection and galactic expansion and form their own singing and dancing troupe,” Mariner said. “But it sure the heck ain’t likely!”
“It happened to a certain forgotten group of Jem’Hadar,” Tendi pointed out.
“Don’t remind me,” Boimler groaned.
“Just face it, peoples,” Mariner fixed her friends with a look. “Kirk’s senior staff would hands down be the winners of any dancing competition!”
“No, Picard’s officers would be!” Boimler shot back.
“No, it would be Sisko’s command staff on Deep Space Nine!” Rutherford insisted.
“Janeway and Voyager all the way!” Tendi declared.
“Ensigns Mariner, Boimler, Tendi and Rutherford,” Lieutenant Commander Stevens voice was suddenly heard over the ship’s comm. “Report to Transporter Room One immediately.”
“On our way,” Boimler replied tapped his combadge. “Look like we’ll have to continue this debate some other time.”
“Awww, not again,” Tendi pouted getting to her feet. “We always get interrupted whenever we talk about something fascinating and cool.”
“And we didn’t get to do much work on the shuttlecraft either,” Rutherford sighed putting away his tools. “Wonder what kind of task we’re being called on to complete this time?”
“Eh, who knows?” Mariner shrugged as the four ensigns exited the Repair Bay. “Probably just another dumb, random assignment nobody else wants to do. Ol’ Stevens probably won’t even bother giving us all the details.”
“Yeah right,” Boimler scoffed. “Like that could ever…okay, it has happened once or half a dozen times before, but that doesn’t mean it’s necessarily going to happen this time.”
“Ooooh, maybe we’ll be asked to perform in some kind of dancing contest,” Tendi suggested excitedly. “Maybe even watch the Cerritos’ senior officers dance. Wouldn’t that be fun?”
“Don’t give your hopes, T. I doubt we’ll ever get that lucky,” Mariner said confidently. “Then again, you never know!”
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Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek: Lower Decks.
