Contest: ENTER VGR Caption Contest #236: The One Where Paris is Demoted

[Orac]

Nick: Happy Christmas bitch!
Wesley: Uhhh... Thanks.

 

[Orac]

Paris: Bezos Cock Rocket? It's a myth!

Nick: Bitch, where th' figgy pudding at?
Wesley: Uhhh.. I don't know.

 

[Catarina]

Paris: Bezos Cock Rocket? It's a myth!

*snickering* orac, you haven't changed a bit and I am here for it.

 

[tharpdevenport]

Wesley: "There's a shadow right behind you about to shoot you with laser eyes."

Nick Paris: "Yeah right. Stop stalling and lets make out already."

 

[Orac]

Janeway: We've just reviewed your browser history Commander. You're fired.
Tuvok: Merry Christmas.

Meanwhile in a parallel universe:

Tuvok: Excellent work as always Captain.
Harry (Behind the tree): Science bless us. Every one.

 

[tharpdevenport]

Janeway: "So we agree: Harry doesn't get promoted, again."

Tuvok: "A logical conclusion, Captain."


MEANWHILE, IN THE MIRROR UNIVERSE...

Janeway: "So we agree: Harry doesn't get promoted, again."

Tuvok: "A logical conclusion, Captain."

 

[Oddish]

Janeway: "So we agree: Harry doesn't get promoted, again."

Tuvok: "A logical conclusion, Captain."

And people try to tell me that the "Eternal Ensign" crowd doesn't exist.

CHAKOTAY: "Wouldn't it just be easier to replicate a Christmas tree?"
JANEWAY: "I spent all my replicator rations on coffee again. Now hold still while I put the lights on you. And Tuvok, set up the electric train around his feet."
TUVOK: "Aye, captain."

 

[Orac]

Janeway: Okay Commander, which is more heinous; Tuvok's farts or my coffee breath?
Chakotay: Uhhh... Tuvok's farts?
Janeway: Wrong answer. You're demoted two steps in rank.
Tuvok (Lets one rip): Merry Christmas.

 

[tharpdevenport]

Tuvok: "Captain, why did you decorate Commander Chacotay like a Christmas tree?"

Janeway: "That's Chacotay??? He was so wooden I thought he was a tree!"

 

[Orac]

Wesley: "There's a shadow right behind you about to shoot you with laser eyes."

Nick Paris: "Yeah right. Stop stalling and lets make out already."

 

[Oddish]

WESLEY: "I can use my trans-dimensional Traveler powers to summon a non-corporeal alien that can vaporize people's heads with its laser eyes."
LACARNO: "That's nothing. I have planarian DNA spliced into my genome, so I can regenerate my head if it's lost."

 

[Oddish]

Fun fact... planaria are not made-up aliens, but an actual Terran species. And YES, they can regenerate heads. Indeed, like unicellular organisms, they can reproduce via binary fission.


A little-known fact about Kes... following her mystical ascension in "The Gift", she spent the next few years touring various locations and times, including 1980's Earth and a certain Bajoran space station.

 

[tharpdevenport]

Wesley: "Who are you?!"

Wesley #2: "I'm J.J. Abrams reboot alternate universe you!"

Wesley: "Wow! We should start making out with each other immediately!"

Wesley #2: "Exactly!"

 

[Oddish]

Wesley: "Wow! We should start making out with each other immediately!"

That's got to be the ultimate in narcissism. Of course, Kinky Kira did it first.

 

[Orac]

Tiny Tom was awoken on Christmas morning by the unmistakable foul stench of Tuvok's flatulence.

 

[Orac]

Nick: This is gonna be the best Christmas ever.

 

[tharpdevenport]

That moment when you suddenly realize you don't know what the fuck of of those countless un-labeled buttons do.




And then you fart a little bit.

 

[tharpdevenport]

Woodcotay (hung with care): "Captain, the crew is wondering why there are no Christmas stocking hung for your salamander babies. Also, their whereabouts. And also, the airlock has recently been used and smells like dead salamanders. The safety protocols were overridden with a code only the chief of security would have. And it smells like farts in there. Farts and dead salamanders. Yessiree."

 

[Qonundrum]

Nick: Happy Christmas bitch!
Wesley: Uhhh... Thanks.

Mushroom cap cut... not my thing, but nice touch.

The glowing eyes on the shadow? #WIN^42

I need to get back into Photoshop one day...

 

[tharpdevenport]

Janeway: "Doctor, what happened to him?"

Doctor: You didn't hear? Mr. Paris worked the late shift with Mr. Tuvok last night wherein the shift he ran afoul of Mr. Tuvok. They happened to both be on the turbolift together and Mr. Tuvok used his over-riding security codes to lock Mr. Paris in, only after filling the flatulence described as 'Putrid, foul, deadly, with a hint of Leeola root'. This is how we found him this morning."