TOS Temporary Caption Contest #3: Doctor, Doctor

[Rat Boy]

McCoy: "So a gay Austrian fashion designer stuck his bare ass in your face, big deal. No need to get all uppity about it like Eminem."

 

[Shatmandu]

Nancy: "This is my IUD from back in the day."
McCoy: "I hit that thing like a full spread of photon torpedoes every night, dude."

 

[cooleddie74]

BONES:"Nancy's always needed the REALLY heavy flow tampons.

Going to shops to pick them up for her was a MAJOR drag. Literally."

"Face facts, Jim.

My proctology glove just ISN'T that into you anymore."

 

[cooleddie74]

NANCY:"Who's the tall, handsome stud with the pecs and fake hair?"

McCOY:"We call her Yeoman Rand."

 

[Shatmandu]

McCoy: "Chapel said if Spock won't marry her, she'll transmit her pregnancy test to Starfleet."

 

[Shatmandu]

Kirk: "Plum?"
Nancy: "Because of the end of his dick getting all purple and angry."
<McCoy bucks hips and nods, grinning.>
Kirk: "Oooookay."

Nancy, sweetly: "Let me see if I can get my husband's attention ... <turns head, cups hands around mouth> HEY, YOU RAT-FACED DOUCHEBAG! GET'CHER WORTHLESS ASS IN HERE!"

 

[cooleddie74]

"Dammit, Jim...I'm a doctor!

Not the President of the Hair Club for MEN!!"

 

[cooleddie74]

BONES:"Just ignore Jim, Nancy. He's all jealous because I'm the one nailing a woman on top of a styrofoam rock this week."

 

[Captain Crow]

McCoy: Couldn't you have found a toupee that matched the rest of the hair on your head?

McCoy: The top of the drapes don't match the bottom of the drapes! Is the carpet is two toned too?

Kelly, whispering: The camera is on Bill, say something.

Shatner: ....

Kelly, whispering: Say something you over acting, unconvincing toupee wearing, egocentric, talentless, jackass!

Shatner: ....

 

[Shatmandu]

Kirk: "Plum?"
Nancy: "Well, it was 'Pinkie-Pecker' at first, but he got a complex."

 

[Triskelion]

Nancy: Well, Captain, you know the one about Tom Thumb?
McCoy: I came a hair of bein' called Tribble.
Nancy: By the way, Plum, did you bring your tricorder?
McCoy: Yup.
Nancy: Medical tricorder?
McCoy: Why'da think I became a doctor? Not to ferret out exploding rocks, I'll tell ya that.

 

[cooleddie74]

KIRK:"So...Janice is..."

McCOY:"Pregnant. Yeah, Jim."

KIRK:"Well. That settles it.

I'm changing my name to Marty Johnson and leaving the ship."

 

[cooleddie74]

NANCY:"You handsome fellows caught me in the middle of washing my tighty-whities. Last night was taco and enchilada night."

 

[Shatmandu]

McCoy: "One year for Halloween, I dressed my face up as her bicycle seat."

 

[Rat Boy]

McCoy: "Dammit, Jim, get a hold of yourself. We've been off the air for forty years!"

 

[Shaw]

McCoy: Yep, my Nancy is one special girl.

 

[Shatmandu]

Nancy: "Your father was George Kirk? Small universe: I did a line of coke off his erect penis one night!"
McCoy, somehow proud: "My Nancy was Starfleet Academy's townie pump for twelve years running."

 

[Shatmandu]

McCoy: Yep, my Nancy is one special girl.

McCoy: "She can do that salt-sucker thing with her hoo-ha."

 

[Rat Boy]

McCoy: "How could you tell it was her time of the month?"

Kirk: "The mood swings are a giveaway."

 

[Mistral]

McCoy: "Dammit, Jim, get a hold of yourself. We've been off the air for forty years!"

Kirk: "But, Bones! When I look in the mirror I keep seeing a fat, old man with sleepy eyes and a toupee! I thought celluloid was supposed to make you immortal!"

McCoy: "They only use celluloid in the movies. This is tv, and the camera never lies."