TOS Temporary Caption Contest #3: Doctor, Doctor

[The Laughing Vulcan]

McCoy: "Meh, as long as she doesn't turn into that black guy who almost suckered Uhura, I'm easy."

 

[Shatmandu]

McCoy: "Best part is, it's not even a female."

 

[Shatmandu]

McCoy: "I'm sorry, Jim. You've gone black. You can never go back."

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

McCoy: "Meh, as long as she doesn't turn into that black guy who almost suckered Uhura, I'm easy."

Kirk (off-camera): I'd take the black guy. I'm that easy.

 

[Rat Boy]

Kirk: "I just realized what this painting is supposed to be of."

McCoy: "Well, what is it?"

Kirk: "A Tellarite's penis."

 

[Nerys Myk]

MCCOY: This is my old girlfriend, Nancy.

KIRK: I forgot you were from the South.

 

[Rat Boy]

How the salt creature appeared to Spock.

 

[KirkusOveractus]

McCoy: "Jim, it's OK! You can just pick the mushrooms off if you don't like them!"

 

[cooleddie74]

"If you can guess what I'm hidin' behind my back, Jim, I'll let you skip the next quarterly physical."

 

[cooleddie74]

"She's like a hologram, Jim!

Only HER vagina actually traps my fluids!"

 

[KirkusOveractus]

McCoy: "...and he's as tight-lipped about it as an Aldebaran Shellmouth!"

(oh, I'm sorry, it's supposed to be something funny, right?)

 

[cooleddie74]

KIRK:"Spock's a Vulcan?! SINCE WHEN???"

McCOY:"That does it, Jim. You're getting a new round of intelligence tests."

 

[Shatmandu]

McCoy, wistful: "There was something special about when she gave me a blowjob ... that face looking up at me ..."
<Kirk pulls out phaser, adjusts, burns both to ash.>

McCoy: "Look, just lay of the Cheetos for a while, unkay?"

 

[Shatmandu]

Original episode title? "The Man-With-Mommy-Issues Trap."

McCoy: "She used to suck my dick so hard, the sheets would go up my butt."
Nancy, coy, slapping his arm: "Oh, stop ..."

 

[cooleddie74]

NANCY:"Can you wash these for me, Captain?

One chimichonga and my entire laundry schedule goes RIGHT out the window."

 

[cooleddie74]

McCOY:"You're a few pounds overweight.

I suggest laying off the string and aerosol cheese for a week or two. And not shaving with butter."

 

[Shatmandu]

Kirk: "Why'd you two break up?"
Nancy: "I fart in my sleep."
McCoy: "Sounds like a wet foghorn going off."
Kirk: "Ah."

 

[KirkusOveractus]

McCoy: "...and he's as tight-lipped about it as an Aldebaran Shellmouth."

Kirk: "You mean those things, on lonely nights, that I would stick on my..."

McCoy: "Jim, focus."

 

[Shatmandu]

^

McCoy: "...and he's as tight-lipped about it as an Aldeberan Shellmouth."
Kirk: "You know, that's a misconception. I dated an Aldeberan Shellmouth, and I gave her plenty of pearls, if you know what I mean ..."
<McCoy shakes head, leaves. Spock dies.>

 

[Shatmandu]

Kirk: "From the back, you look just like a woman I know on Cornholian IV."