TOS Caption Contest #143: Mostly Muddy, Chance of Prostitutes

[Shatmandu]

Hiya, folks.

I'm sorry for the delay in knocking out the change-over. Meant to do it Sunday, but my wife decided the lucky bastards who couldn't make it to Chuck E. Cheese's could come over and see the kids.

I was very tempted to blare awful pop music, run screaming through the house, and serve them melted cheese on a roof shingle so they didn't feel left out.

Anyhoot, here are the big winners:

Spock: "I cannot comprehend how you defeated me at chess, Doctor."
McCoy: "Get over it, Spock! Big deal. So you got bwned."

"By Grabthar's hammer.... Why did I have to get hit on the head by Grabthar's hammer...."

Bones: "Ok, so I farted in your glass while you were away, Jim teabagged it a little, and well, you dont really want to know what Spock got up to..."

Spock: Need I remind you of the consequences of losing this round. Very well gentlemen. I shall commence playing the music.

... and two photshop winners:

Spock: There, problem solved.​

Spock: "Discerning the true Captain shall be easy. Gentlemen, if you would be so kind to turn around?"

Nicely played, all.

This week's jibes are:

Get dirty.

Joe, squeaky-clean



TOS Caption Contest Pantheon of Winners

26138 (2x)
A beaker full of death (4x)
Adam Ihle (4x)
AlphaTrionTJW
Alrik
Alyssa (3x)
ancient
Atavachron (2x)
Bad Atom (2x)
Battrekker
brian
Cakes488
CaptainJon
captain crow (3x)
Captain Kate (2x)
Classic Fan
commodore64
cooleddie74 (23x)

cultcross
DeafPoet
Defcon (2x)
Deranged Nastat
Diesel Micky Dolenz (12x)
Dohlman
DrBob (12x) **** BIG WINNER ****
DS9Sega (7x)
EliyahuQeoni (3x)
EnsignHarper
FishDS9
galleywest (4x)
Gary7 (2x)
Gertch (26x)

goldbug (3x)
Guartho
Haggis and Tatties
Hambone (2x)
highlander (12x)
Isis
Jackson_Roykirk
J. Allen (2x)
jayrath
Jeri
Johnnyracefan (2x)
John_Picard (4x)
jptrekker
Kahloke
Kegek (2x)
Kirby (2x)
KJM
Mallory (4x)
MGagen
middyseafort (9x)
Mistral (2x)
Mojochi
M'Sharak (14x)
NCC-1701 (7x)
Nebusj
Nerys Myk (36x)

Noname Given (2x)
NTRPRZ
Outpost4 (16x)

Quo Vadimus
Rat Boy (43!x)

Redfern
SciFi75 (5x)
scottydog (22x)

**** BIG WINNER, TWICE IN A ROW ****
Sector 7
Shatmandu (25x)

Shaw (4x) **** BIG WINNER ****
shivkala
Sir Rhosis (2x)
S'Kai
Sovay
Super Grover
Tallis Rhul
Tan Ru
T'Bonz (8x)
terranova
Tharpdevenport (3x)
the 4th hanson bro (4x)
TheGallifreyanSith
The Castellan
The Cutest of Borg (2x)
The Laughing Vulcan (19x)

**** BIG WINNER ****
The Old Mixer
The Squire of Gothos (11x)
The Tone (2x)
TigerOfDarkness (2x)
Tim M (3x)
Toban Kal
Tribble (3x) **** BIG WINNER ****
Triskelion (20x)

**** TWICE IN A ROW!! BIG WINNER!!!****
Tristan
Turbo (2x)
UssGlenn
vassa
Ward Fowler (4x)
Woulfe (4x)
Yeoman Randi
Zachery Smith

Mudd Club[/QUOTE]

 

[Shatmandu]

Spock: "I am only half human. My ejaculate is acidic, but not deadly."

McCoy: "Man, I fucked like ten Maisey's today."

Chekov: "I changed Spock's wiki page. He's gonna be soooo pissed ..."

Stella: "He's mostly into the guys!"

 

[scottydog]

Spock: "You are in error. Vulcans do not fart."

Mudd: "But it smells like Plomeek soup and only you had that to eat."

Spock: "Then you smell it on my breath."

First woman: "But we all heard it come from your butt."

Spock: "Vulcans breathe through their... hind quarters."

Second woman: "Note to self. Never kiss a Vulcan."

Kirk: "When I enter a room, I expect you to show me the respect I deserve."

Uhura: "We are, Captain. Trust me, we are."

Uhura: "See? If you wear that wig, you'll look less like a woman."

 

[MANT!]

Chekov's plan to put a camera in the women's locker room worked beautifully until Ensign Asswipe spilled his guts to Lt. Uhura

 

[Shatmandu]

Spock: "You will call me 'Captain Kirk', and you will worship my genitals as if they provide life itself."
Harry: "Whatever, dude. You've got an hour."

McCoy: "I upper-decked his toilet."
Spock: "Shhh. Here he comes ..."

Uhura: "Why is Spock just squeezing her buttcheeks and ... doing that."
Chekov: "The Russians didn't inwent that shit."

 

[26138]

Redshirt: Chekov, your wig's almost as obvious as the Captain's!

 

[Nerys Myk]

SPOCK: While we're waiting for the repairman, I suggest singing to pass the time.

Bilbo. Bilbo Baggins. Bravest little Hobbit of them all

MUDD(Thinking) If I could just break off this handle....

 

[Nerys Myk]

CHEKOV: Who knew dat Meester Spocks Academy exploits vould be on YouTube

UHURA: That greenblooded son of a ......

 

[Shatmandu]

Spock: "Mr. Mudd, tell the crazy-looking foreign broad if she comes any closer, I'll feed her your oversized belt buckle."

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Spock: Please, Mr. Mudd. I prefer the chocolate; there is nothing these women can offer me.

Kirk: Well, I see Mr. Scott's been dealing ecstasy again.

Chekov: Mr. Spock has been tweeting about Dr. McCoy again: "One more green-blooded hobgoblin and it's tal-shia for him!"

Stella: He doesn't munch my carpet properly!

 

[scottydog]

Forgot to thank you for the win!

Spock: "As we are stuck in this turbo-lift, I suggest we undertake two actions...."

<the women giggle>

Spock: "First, we will crawl out through the escape hatch. Second, we will pry open the doors to reach the main level."

<the women giggle>

Mudd: "And so your plan is...."

Spock: "A two-pronged plan, of course."

<all laugh except Spock>

Spock: "So... much.... hate."

 

[Maurice]

SPOCK: Two words, Mr. Mudd: Butt Pirate.

MAJEL STELLA: Eugene! Eugene Wesley Roddenberry, whose credits have you been stealing? What scripts have you been rewriting just to get more money? Have you been drinking and toking and snorting coke again? You miserable sot! Why aren't I a regular on the show? I know you're cheating on me with your wife and Nichelle and god knows what other floosey! You good-for-nothing prod--
GENE MUDDENBERRY: Shut up!
MAJEL STELLA: --ucer. Producer. P r o d u c e r... pr....

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Stella: Pull my finger! Pull my finger!

 

[Vassa]

Spock: Also planning to run for the Federation Council are you, Mr. Mudd? How ambitious of you.

 

[LeadHead]

Spock strongly disapproved of starfleets punishment of Harry Mudd, making him be the Enterprises Turbolift Operator.

Uhura: I love vacations!
Scotty: This planet is a beauty.
Chekov: Comfortable.
Spock: Clean.
McCoy: A Full Bar.
Kirk: It's very nice here, didn't we forget someone?
All: SULU!
Scotty: Who's going back for him?
(Silence)

Chekov: It's working Sir!
DeSalle: What's working?
Chekov: Establishing me as a new character so you'll never be seen again!

McCoy: You have... your wife... in there?
Mudd: Yes.
McCoy: With an off switch?
Mudd: Yes!
McCoy: Why didn't I think of that?

 

[Nerys Myk]

Paternity tests of the future

 

[Isis]

Kirk: "Gee, the redshirt who suggested this place really knew what he was talking about. Mr. Scott, I guess you're next."

 

[scottydog]

Spock: "Captain, is that you? All this time I've been divulging our plan of escape to this plant next to me."

McCoy: "You get about the same response!"

 

[Yeoman Randi]

Spock: "First floor, ladies lingerie."

 

[Mysterion]

SPOCK: Mr. Mudd we have no funding for your..."business". Might I suggest you try ACORN?