TOS Caption Contest #142: It's a Spock, Spock, Spock, Spock World

[ToddPence]

"Gentlemen, it will be no difficulty ascertaining the difference between you two. Wheras Captain Garth adores a minuet, a ballet russes, a crepe suzette; Captain Kirk loves to rock and roll and a hot dog makes him lose control."

MCCOY: Spock, turn that blasted thing off and get some rest!

SPOCK: Doctor, there MUST be some logical pattern to this and it is my intention to find it.

TV MONITOR: (plays "Melrose Place" theme)

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Spock: Oh, the pain. The pain of it all, my dear boy.

 

[M'Sharak]

"Do not just stand there, Doctor. Bring me another cold one; this has nearly expired."

 

[Rat Boy]

Spock bet it all on USC.

 

[Deranged Nasat]

Hello. Hello. Spock, are you there? Please answer Spock!

Spock: *Not Listening*

All these years Sybok attempted reconciliation. His telepathic calls, however, went unanswered.

 

[Deranged Nasat]

Kirk (offscreen): "How's the telepathic time-touch training going, Spock?"

Spock: "A name...a name comes to me...so close......I will see at last my future....a name.... ..... Nero".

Kirk: "Nero? As in the Earth Emperor?"

Spock: "It keeps doing that. I'm trying to access the future. *Sigh*. Attempt 15..."

 

[Deranged Nasat]

Spock: "May I help you, gentlemen? Ah. I see. This would be a vision accompanying the need for a moral choice? Classic binary imagery; left shoulder and right"

Kirks: Correct.

Kirk One: "I, Mr. Spock, am the voice of logic, of intelligence, of all that is sensible and correct"

Kirk Two: "I Mr. Spock, am the voice of temptation, of selfish desire and all that is wild and uncontrolled."

Spock: "Indeed. And the question? Should Miss Uhura and I, as you so colourfully put it, "make with the nasty"?

Kirk One: "Do it!"

Kirk Two: "Do it!"

Spock: "And you are both in the image of James T. Kirk. Flawlessly logical."

........................................

Later.......

Spock: "And what do you represent, Doctor?"

McCoy: "I'm the voice of responsibility in the aftermath"

Spock: "Ah. If a boy, Sarek, if a girl, Amanda".

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Spock: Your last tweet, Doctor. Highly illogical.
McCoy: Blast it, you green-blooded hobgoblin, must you criticize everything.

 

[Rat Boy]

McCoy: "A watched Facebook wall doesn't update, Spock."

 

[Shatmandu]

McCoy: "That beer made a bunch of hillbillies go blind, you know."
Spock, monotone, not looking up: "Inner-eyelid."

Spock: "...as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced. I fear something terrible has happened."

Scotty: "I have enough trouble as it is, shitting in a public bog. And now this one has no walls?"

Spock: "Let's see ... you're both assholes ..."

Monitor: "WHEEL! OF! FORTUNE!"

 

[Shaw]

Kirk: Uh, fellas... I think I got the worm.​

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Spock: Myspace? Really, doctor, you needn't be so afraid of modernity.

 

[Rat Boy]

McCoy: "Are you going to sit there and whine like a little bitch all night?"

*Spock turns green, muscles expand*

Spock: "SPOCK SMASH!"

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

McCoy: Whatcha watching?
Spock: The captain's webcam.
McCoy: Once again, this is why people think you two are lovers.
Spock: Illogical.

 

[Tribble]

Scotty suddenly realised that what the Captain was picking off of his teeth was Spock's pubic hair.

 

[Captain Crow]

Carl Spock: My fro to your ho', your ho' to my fro.

Spock: If I hear "canon violation" one more time, I'm gonna have to choke a muthafucka!

Scotty: Please tell those are your hands and not your split dick touching my leg Mr. Spock.

 

[Isis]

Actually, these might make a decent two-parter:

McCoy: "Gentlemen, I hate to tell you this, but there was a worm in that tequila when you two started."

Kirk: Uh, fellas... I think I got the worm.​

 

[Rat Boy]

McCoy: "Great job picking a bar, guys. Not only does it not have a TV, it doesn't have walls!"

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

McCoy: Word of advice, gents. If the pretty prostitute that has the big tits and choker comes up to you, and she seems to be too good to be true, know that she ain't a lady.
Scotty: Aye. I took me three times before I noticed the ample nacelle in her underpants.

 

[scottydog]

"By Grabthar's hammer.... Why did I have to get hit on the head by Grabthar's hammer...."