TOS Caption Contest #142: It's a Spock, Spock, Spock, Spock World

[Shatmandu]

Hiya, folks.

I've found my Kryptonite: three hours in a Chuck E. Cheese's.

I'm 41. I've traveled. I was in the US Air Force all over Asia.

I've been annoyed, I've been uncomfortable, I've been irritated, and I've eaten bad food, but I've never been annoyed, uncomfortable, and irritated while eating bad food all at the same time quite like this.

My daughter and her little buddies had fun, so it was worth it. My son, not yet two, had a hunk of cake and turned into some sort of short, rampaging sasquatch.

He wrestled with Chuck E. Cheese: not the live one (who is of course just some halfwit kid who sells weed to the cooks), but a metal one attached to a car ride. I swear the boy was kicking at the thing's crotch.

Anyway, here we are. The big winners be:

Scotty: "Is that the myth-busters episode again?"

Van Gelder: "Oh for god's sake, why don't you two just make out and get it over with!"

Kirk to Spock, there's a cat in my ceiling.

"Kirk to Scott."
"Scott here."
"You beamed my nipples off my body, you bastard."

Spock: Two Adam & Eves on a shuttle and wreck 'em!

COOT: Could you have the cook warm this up?
( Spock backs out of room)

Terrific work, all. Triskellion has two! There were so many great entries, it was very hard to pick.

This week's shots is:

Have at it.

Joe, where a kid can be a kid who bites metal


TOS Caption Contest Pantheon of Winners

26138 (2x)
A beaker full of death (4x)
Adam Ihle (4x)
AlphaTrionTJW
Alrik
Alyssa (3x)
ancient
Atavachron (2x)
Bad Atom (2x)
Battrekker
brian
Cakes488
CaptainJon
captain crow (3x)
Captain Kate (2x)
Classic Fan
commodore64
cooleddie74 (23x)

cultcross
DeafPoet
Defcon (2x)
Deranged Nastat
Diesel Micky Dolenz (12x)
Dohlman
DrBob (11x)
DS9Sega (7x)
EliyahuQeoni (3x)
EnsignHarper
FishDS9
galleywest (4x)
Gary7 (2x)
Gertch (26x)

goldbug (3x)
Guartho
Haggis and Tatties
Hambone (2x)
highlander (12x)
Isis
Jackson_Roykirk
J. Allen (2x)
jayrath
Jeri
Johnnyracefan (2x) **** BIG WINNER ****
John_Picard (4x)
jptrekker
Kahloke
Kegek (2x)
Kirby (2x) **** BIG WINNER ****
KJM
Mallory (4x)
MGagen
middyseafort (9x)
Mistral (2x)
Mojochi
M'Sharak (14x)
NCC-1701 (7x)
Nebusj
Nerys Myk (36x)

**** BIG WINNER ****
Noname Given (2x)
NTRPRZ
Outpost4 (16x)

Quo Vadimus
Rat Boy (43!x)

Redfern
SciFi75 (5x)
scottydog (21x)

**** BIG WINNER ****
Sector 7
Shatmandu (25x)

Shaw (3X)
shivkala
Sir Rhosis (2x)
S'Kai
Sovay
Super Grover
Tallis Rhul
Tan Ru
T'Bonz (8x)
terranova
Tharpdevenport (3x)
the 4th hanson bro (4x)
TheGallifreyanSith
The Castellan
The Cutest of Borg (2x)
The Laughing Vulcan (18x)

The Old Mixer
The Squire of Gothos (11x)
The Tone (2x)
TigerOfDarkness (2x)
Tim M (3x)
Toban Kal
Tribble (2x)
Triskelion (19x)

**** TWO TIMES IN ONE CONTEST!! BIG WINNER!!!****
Tristan
Turbo (2x)
UssGlenn
vassa
Ward Fowler (4x)
Woulfe (4x)
Yeoman Randi
Zachery Smith

Mudd Club[/QUOTE]

 

[Shatmandu]

Spock: "Man, I feel like shit. Last time I eat off a buffet at a strip joint."

Scotty: "I'm not the one who picked the only gay bar in the West ..."

Kirk: "You're right handed, but you use your left hand during a reach-around."
<Spock phasers the other one.>

McCoy: "Still using your Vulcan powers to try to kill FOXNews anchors?"
Spock: "Yep."
McCoy: "I'll get you a sandwich."

 

[Jptrekker]

Scotty: So my choice is drink this poison, or spend the evening at chuck e cheese..."GULP".

(I too have toddlers that drag me to the 4th circle of Hell quite often, somebody needs to close that place down, it has a really big rat roaming around!)

 

[Nerys Myk]

SPOCK (thinking): Do not kill the humans. Do not kill the humans. Do not kill the humans. Do not kill the humans.


You were saying, Doctor?

SCOTTY: Time ta stop. I'm starting to see walls.

SPOCK:Again with the two Kirks? Next time I hope someone else gets to chose!

SPOCK: Shssssh. I'm watching my stories.

 

[Shatmandu]

<Uhura has an orgasm.>

Scotty: "Dun't call me a drunk, ye fat git."

Spock: "No, I don't think playing Twister would help ..."

McCoy: "Any 'nude jumping jacks' jokes yet?"
Spock: "Nope."
McCoy: "Still early ..."

 

[Nerys Myk]

SPOCK: I'm attempting to move the cursor, using only my mind.

 

[Shatmandu]

McCoy: "So it wasn't really a woman you were chatting with?"
Spock, tense: "Negative."

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Spock: Mustn't sneeze. Sneezing is illogical. Illogical!

McCoy: Then the bastard says, "I'm your huckleberry."
Scotty: What's ay huckleberry?
Spock: Certainly not you, Mr. Scott.

...and slash fiction writers everywhere rejoice at the possibilities.

Spock: I am endeavoring, doctor, to masturbate with merely my mind.
McCoy: Baby Got Back again?
Spock: You know how I love the brown sugar, doctor.

 

[Shaw]

Spock: There, problem solved.​

 

[Maurice]

BONES: Spock -- turn that thing off and get some rest!
SPOCK: I know there is some logic in it, Doctor...
ON MONITOR: Mary Hartman! Mary Hartman!

(Swiped from a vintage Gordon Carleton cartoon)

Shatner's ego grew so big it took two of him to contain it.

 

[Redfern]

BONES: Spock -- turn that thing off and get some rest!
SPOCK: I know there is some logic in it, Doctor...
ON MONITOR: Mary Hartman! Mary Hartman!

(Swiped from a vintage Gordon Carleton cartoon)

Not my entry, but I thought about the same cartoon printed in the paperback "StarToons" (which also introduced me to the fantastic Phil Foglio).

Sincerely,

Bill

 

[scottydog]

Sesame Street Star Trek, brought to you by the letter C.

Spock: "Gentlemen, I now know why Mr. Scott is the only one who fails to show his right hand in these caption photos."

McCoy: "Missing finger?"

Spock: "No. He is using it to masturbate."

Spock: "Discerning the true Captain shall be easy."

Kirk One: "That's right. DNA residue from every woman on board should be on my penis."

<Spock aims at Kirk Two>

Kirk Two: "But Spock, Bones will discover your DNA there, too!"

<Spock fires at Kirk One>

Spock: "Fascinating. Images from the panty-cam are clearer than I anticipated."

McCoy: "Uhura again?"

Spock: "Negative. Jim Kirk."

 

[Tribble]

Ah, the pain, THE PAIN! Not another caption contest!

McCoy: So *that* part of the body is effected when a Vulcan male watches porn? Interesting.

 

[Captain Crow]

McCoy: One of us is going to have to sleep with that disease ridden skank Paris to get out of here.

Scotty: Why is everybody looking at me?

Kirk: You're the one with the red shirt on.

Spock: [to screen left Kirk] I love you. [to screen right Kirk] However, I hate you.

Screen Right Kirk: But, I'm identical in everyway to the other Kirk.

Spock: Yes of coruse, that is exactly why I hate you, because you are identical.

[Spock shoots Screen Right Kirk]

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Spock: "Mmmph! Ice cream headache!"

Spock: "Understand Mr Scott, this is all in our minds. Nothing is real. These guns aren't real, this table isn't real, these chairs aren't real, these wall-less buildings most certainly aren't real."
Scott: "Ye mean this whisky isnae real?"
Spock: "No, Mr Scott, this whisky is not real."
Scott: "Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!"

Spock: "Aah, I now comprehend the logic in evolving a bifurcated penis."

Monitor: "Here is the church..."
Spock: "Here is the church..."
Monitor: "Here is the steeple..."
Spock: "Here is the steeple..."
Monitor: "Open the doors..."
Spock: "What doors? These are thumbs. This is illogical."
McCoy: "Ah, so close. You were one metaphor closer to figuring it out this time, Spock. Reset the tape and try again."

 

[Tribble]

Spock, thinking: Just say it, Dr McCoy, just say 'nude jumping jacks' one more time...

 

[Captain Crow]

Excedrin Headache Number 42

McCoy: Scotty, you do realize you're drinking a urine sample.

Spock going to his "happy place".

 

[Mysterion]

SPOCK (thinking): Transporters, replicators, FTL travel...you think they'd have come up with a decent laxative by now...

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

SPOCK (thinking): Transporters, replicators, FTL travel...you think they'd have come up with a decent laxative by now...

Spock thinking: I'll give them another ninety years but that's it...

 

[Hambone]

Spock attempts to bust the Biggest Pimple Ever.