TOS Caption Contest #142: It's a Spock, Spock, Spock, Spock World

[Captain Crow]

Kirk, drunkly: Mr. Scott, are you familiar with cornholing?

Vulcan Facepalm

(gunshot)

Female voice: What happened?

Male voice: I just shot my foot by accident.

(Cheesy music being played on a cheap Casio keyboard)

Spock: A cat playnig a keyboad. Fascinating.

 

[Tribble]

How to tell if a Vulcan is schizophrenic:

#3: He plays footsies under the table with himself

#2: He installs a webcam in his own shower

#1: He tries to mindmeld with himself to find out what he is thinking

Shame on me, I forgot one picture .

#0: He can't decide which of him is going to shoot which of his captains.


(I hope I've got them all this time, 'cause counting down to negative values woudn't look very cool )

 

[Triskelion]

Thanks for the double win! And for not killing me for captioning the kids!

Captain, do you ever get that...not so fresh feeling?

McCoy: What'll it be, hon?
Scotty: What the bloody -
Kirk: It's a southern thing, Mr Scott.
Spock: Y'all ain't from around here.

Spock: Need I remind you of the consequences of losing this round. Very well gentlemen. I shall commence playing the music.

Spock: On Vulcan this gesture means Live long and go fornicate yourself.

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

McCoy: Do you expect me to talk?
Spock: No, Doctor McCoy, I expect you to die. But first I shall spend the next ten minutes discussing my plans for world domination.

McCoy: Jim's outta cover up. He wants to borrow some of yours.
Spock: Illogical. I wear a MAC #23 and he wears a MAC #42. Our skin tones are not compatible.

 

[Gil T.Azell]

Thank you for the win it me.

Spock: " Fridays powerball numbers will be....."

McCoy: "Boy when they have a bar fight here they really know the shit out of the place"

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Spock: "Discerning the genuine captain will be a simple matter."

Phasers Kirk One

Kirk 2: "That was quick Spock. Come on, let's get back to the..."

Phasers Kirk Two

Spock: "I'm the Captain."

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Spock: "I cannot comprehend how you defeated me at chess, Doctor."
McCoy: "Get over it, Spock! Big deal. So you got bwned."

 

[Shatmandu]

McCoy: "I never thought I'd become an NFL Widow ..."

Spock: "Frankly, after this season, I don't care ..."
<turns phaser on self, fires>

Spock: "How did we ever live without 3-D porno?"

McCoy: "You're using an instructional video to learn The Shocker?"
Spock: "Chapel's orders."

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

McCoy: What in blazes are you doing?
Spock: <sniff, sniff> My fingers still smell like Miss Uhura.

 

[Tribble]

The first prototypes of holo decks were a bit disappointing. On top of the fact that the simulations were lacking fictional characters, walls and appropriate costumes, the replicated beverages tasted like shit.

 

[Mysterion]

SPOCK (thinking): Wait a minute...if Obi Wan was there when Luke was born then how did...but, Yoda said that...and this whole thing with midichlorians...I thought OUR continuity had some problems, but, wow...

 

[Hambone]

SPOCK: Sis boom bah.

McCOY: Sis boom bah.

(Spock rips the envelope open and removes the card)

SPOCK (reading): Describe the sound made when a sheep explodes.

 

[scottydog]

Spock: "Christopher Walken stored a watch up his ass for years without complications."

McCoy: "That was Pulp fiction, Spock, fiction!. Now shut up and stand still. The harp is almost out."

 

[scottydog]

McCoy: "Data never treated Lal this way."

Spock: "Lal never tried to hump the replicator. WALL-E must be taught discipline."

 

[Shatmandu]

McCoy: "'The Best of Neelix'? Paramount's really scraping the bottom of the barrel for Trek collections, huh?"
Spock: "Leave my quarters, now."
Neelix, filtered, on-screen: "This situation calls for waffles from Nebulon IV!"

Spock: "Vodka and Ovaltine is a shitty way to start the day."

Scotty: "Fine. But if he nerve pinches me doodle again, I'll resign and kick his ass to Aberdeen and back."

McCoy: "How's it going?"
Spock: "..."
McCoy: "Killed the ladies of The View by remote yet?"
Spock, getting irritated: "Do you see me dancing?"

 

[scottydog]

Spock: "Discerning the true Captain shall be easy. Gentlemen, remove your shoes. The Captain never fails to apply bright pink polish to his toenails."

Kirk One: "But Spock, before you got here, he let me paint his toenails bright pink, too."

<pause>

Spock: "Shit."

 

[B.J.]

Kirk to Spock, there's a cat in my ceiling.

*groaning* You too, huh?

 

[scottydog]

Spock: "Discerning the true Captain shall be easy. Gentlemen, drop your drawers. Years of nude jumping jacks have significantly elongated the Captain's testes."

Kirk One: "Not to mention the hickeys, scented lotions, and bite marks you left on them last night."

<Spock fires at Kirk One>

Spock: "Vulcans never bite."

 

[Shatmandu]

Announcer from Monitor: "Welcome to the exciting world of T.G.I. FRIDAYS! You're in for a fun, exciting way to make money and meet ..."
Spock: "I've watched this three times, and I have yet to understand the point of 'flair'."

Spock: "Where did I put my cell phone ... FUCK!"

Scotty: "I dun't care what you bastards do, but Scotsmen don't tip."

McCoy: "Figured it out yet?"
Spock: "Of course. Mr. Smithers shot him."

 

[scottydog]

McCoy: "What are you doing, Spock?"

Spock: "I'm praying for scottydog. The more he participates in these caption contests, the more his entries become as sick and twisted as Shatmandu's."