TOS Caption Contest #136: Creeps, Peeps, Beeps, and Sleeps
- Thread starter Shatmandu
- Start date
Chekov, offscreen: "You're doing it wrong!"
<Khan sighs, continues.>
Chekov: "You missed a spot."
<Khan sighs, continues.>
Chekov: "You missed a spot."
<Khan sighs, continues.>
Chekov: "You missed a spot."
Khan (thinking): One of these days, I'm going to grab him by the scruff of his neck and shake him like a British nanny.
McGivers: "Shouldn't that be 'ravished'?"
Khan: "What's this? <inhales deeply>"
McGivers, shy: "... I dabbed some camel dung behind my ears."
Khan: "It ... arouses me. Prepare to be ravaged."
Khan: "No. No, I don't think so."
Khan: I would revolutionize comfort if only I could combine the suppleness of your nape with the old world craftsmanship of my hometown.
McGivers: Corinth?
Khan: Amritsar, Punjab.
Kirk: Spock, what the hell are you doing? We're all gonna die unless you can (seemingly endless stream of technobabble*
Spock: One minute Captain, I'm trying to watch my hentai- I mean uh, Vulcan sermons. Yeah, sermons.
Spock: "Though your talent is lacking, your breasts are not: you are through to Hollywood."
<Barking sound, squeals, and applause.>
And Bikini Girl thought Simon and Randy were easy.
Kirk: "So what happened to him?"
Spock: "He watched Two Girls One Cup."
Kirk: "Poor bastard."
Kirk: "So what happened to him?"
Spock: "He screwed one of Harry Mudd's defective fembots without being adequately grounded."
Kirk: "Poor bastard."
Kirk: "So what happened to him?"
Spock: "He got raped by a randy Horta"
Kirk: "Poor bastard."
Kirk: "So what happened to him?"
Spock: "Tried to drive a van over a cyborg cop in a disused car factory, and drove into an acid vat."
Kirk: "Poor bastard."
Kirk: "So what happened to him?"
Spock: "Picked up Rigellian Herpes from one of your sloppy seconds, Jim."
Kirk: "Poor bastard."
Kirk: "So what happened to him?"
Spock: "He got flamed on the Trek BBS"
Kirk: "Poor bastard."
Kirk: "So what happened to him?"
Spock: "He was in the wrong place at the wrong time when I was lighting one of my plomeek farts."
Kirk: "Poor bastard."
Kirk: "So what happened to him?"
Spock: "Demonstrated to Mr Scott that using plutonium decay to heat his still in engineering is a bad idea."
Kirk: "Poor bastard."
Kirk: "So what happened to him?"
Spock: "He left a fork in a microwave."
Kirk: "Poor bastard."
Kirk: "So what happened to him?"
Spock: "Nothing, he's just waiting for Outpost4 to come back and judge his Caption Contest."
Kirk: "Poor bastard."
Spock...I told you always keep his hands on the outside..
Spock: But Captain, Jerking off is all he has left.
Kirk: Is that what all that furious beeping was about?
Kirk: "So what happened to him?"
Spock: "He got raped by a randy Horta"
Kirk: "Poor bastard."
"
Spock: Judging from your log entry from Janus IV Captain, don't you mean lucky bastard?
KIRK:"Why the long face?"