TOS Caption Contest #136: Creeps, Peeps, Beeps, and Sleeps

Spock was just plain LOST without his digital instruction guide to his mechanical rice picker.

 

Kirk: Did Chris get this chair through the 'Cash for Clunkers' program?

Spock: Actually, Captain, it was 'Cash for Vegetables'.

 

Kirk: "So what happened to him?"

SPOCK (singing) "Hot Pockets"

 

KIRK: Really Chris? Really?

PIKE: beep

SPOCK: Check out the mudflaps.

 

Khan: Sorry, McGivers, I like the toupee better on Kirk...

 

Kirk: "What does the rest of him ride around in?"





<Kirk reaches over, fiddles with dials, and finds a Latino Music station.>
Kirk: "Lets see how long he can stand this shit. Every goddamned song sounds like the Chicken Dance."
Pike: "Beep-Beep. Beep-Beep. Beep-Beep. Beep-Beep ..."
<Spock reaches out for knobs.>
Kirk: "Belay that."

 

A Khan game to be sure!


Atavachron

 

Via The Laughing Vulcan ...




Kirk: "So what happened to him?"
Spock: "He was screwing an Orion slave girl, and he finally noticed she was texting her friends while he was bringing his best stroke. A fight ensued, and here we are."
Kirk: "Poor bastard."

 

Spock: Never put tin foil in the microwave, Chris, I always told him never put tin foil in the microwave.

or

Kirk: ...and then they put a jawbreaker in a toaster over, yeah I saw that episode.
Spock: You know the part where they say "don't try this at home"?
Kirk: Yeah.
Spock: He tried it at home.

 

Via The Laughing Vulcan ...




Kirk: "So what happened to him?"
Spock: "Hot pockets before a space walk."
Kirk: "Poor bastard."

 

Spock. "Apparently, it wasn't a call girl, but an anatomically correct android, and he mistook the pleasure spot for a power outlet. It blew his penis back through his rectum."

Kirk: "That explains the expression."

 

Pike: Beep Beep

Kirk: "I think this R2 unit has a bad motivator."

 

Spock: "Via the Laughing Vulcan..."

Kirk: "Is that Spanish for something?"

 

Kirk: "So what happened to him?"
Spock: "Via the Laughing Vulcan..."
Kirk: "What?!"
Spock: "Swallowed him whole, then shat him out twelve hours later."
Kirk: "Son of a bitch!"

 

KIRK: I hope that's a coolant leak.

 

SPOCK: You gonna stare all day or help push? This damn thing's heavy!

 

Kirk: "He sat too close to the television?"
Spock: "Should'a listened to his mother."

 

Spock: It started with blindness and hairy palms.
Kirk: Apparently there's a whole other level.
Pike <sadly>: Beeep.

 

KHAN:"For just ten more dollars I can give you the eyebrows of a goddess..."

 

KIRK:"I sure hope he knows that isn't a toilet."

SPOCK:"Too late."