TOS Caption Contest #136: Creeps, Peeps, Beeps, and Sleeps

Spock always got a few pubes stuck under his nails after nerve-pinching himself in the testicles.

 

McGivers: "It's true. Some girls spit, others swallow, but I'm a bit more artistic. I fancy myself as a painter."

Khan: "Marry me!"

 

Spock: "Stuck with the bill again. I still do not understand the logic behind 'Dine n Dash'."

 

Khan: "So tell me about this nerve pinching of testicles I keep hearing about."

 

Pike: *ffFFeerrrRAAAAAAAP*

Kirk: "Asshole still works."

 

Pike, thinking: "I wish I had testicles to be nerve pinched."

 

McGivers: "And then Marlena and Tonya invited us over to watch Grey's Anatomy. Wanna come?"

Khan: "I grow fatigued again."

 

Chekov, offscreen: "You're doing it wrong!"
<Khan sighs, continues.>
Chekov: "You missed a spot."
<Khan sighs, continues.>
Chekov: "You missed a spot."
<Khan sighs, continues.>
Chekov: "You missed a spot."

 

Khan (thinking): One of these days, I'm going to grab him by the scruff of his neck and shake him like a British nanny.

 

Khan: I would revolutionize comfort if only I could combine the suppleness of your nape with the old world craftsmanship of my hometown.
McGivers: Corinth?
Khan: Amritsar, Punjab.

 

McGivers: "Look, pal, I'm just tryin' to use the urinal here, okay?"

 

Kirk: Spock, what the hell are you doing? We're all gonna die unless you can (seemingly endless stream of technobabble*
Spock: One minute Captain, I'm trying to watch my hentai- I mean uh, Vulcan sermons. Yeah, sermons.

 

Kirk: "I'm not a big fan: because of you, I have to hear all those 'He fucks green women!' jokes."





Spock: "Though your talent is lacking, your breasts are not: you are through to Hollywood."
<Barking sound, squeals, and applause.>

 

And Bikini Girl thought Simon and Randy were easy.

 

Kirk: "So what happened to him?"

Spock: "He watched Two Girls One Cup."

Kirk: "Poor bastard."



Kirk: "So what happened to him?"

Spock: "He screwed one of Harry Mudd's defective fembots without being adequately grounded."

Kirk: "Poor bastard."



Kirk: "So what happened to him?"

Spock: "He got raped by a randy Horta"

Kirk: "Poor bastard."



Kirk: "So what happened to him?"

Spock: "Tried to drive a van over a cyborg cop in a disused car factory, and drove into an acid vat."

Kirk: "Poor bastard."



Kirk: "So what happened to him?"

Spock: "Picked up Rigellian Herpes from one of your sloppy seconds, Jim."

Kirk: "Poor bastard."



Kirk: "So what happened to him?"

Spock: "He got flamed on the Trek BBS"

Kirk: "Poor bastard."



Kirk: "So what happened to him?"

Spock: "He was in the wrong place at the wrong time when I was lighting one of my plomeek farts."

Kirk: "Poor bastard."



Kirk: "So what happened to him?"

Spock: "Demonstrated to Mr Scott that using plutonium decay to heat his still in engineering is a bad idea."

Kirk: "Poor bastard."



Kirk: "So what happened to him?"

Spock: "He left a fork in a microwave."

Kirk: "Poor bastard."



Kirk: "So what happened to him?"

Spock: "Nothing, he's just waiting for Outpost4 to come back and judge his Caption Contest."

Kirk: "Poor bastard."

 

Spock: But Captain, Jerking off is all he has left.

Kirk: Is that what all that furious beeping was about?

 

Spock: Judging from your log entry from Janus IV Captain, don't you mean lucky bastard?

 

Nimoy discovers they aren't sticking "Yesteryear" on the Season 2 Blu-Ray set.



He wouldn't admit it to anyone else, but Spock was really lost without Twitter.

 

KIRK:"Why the long face?"