TOS Caption Contest #130 - Busted

[cooleddie74]

SCOTTY:"Think THIS sensation is somethin', lad?

Wait until the whiskey dick kicks in..."

 

[John Picard]

Scotty: "Cap'n, the conduit and ever'thin inside is blown ta bits."

Kirk: "...Checkov..."

 

[cooleddie74]

KIRK:"Tell McCoy we found the problem.

It was his collard greens and yams dinner. Plugged up the WHOLE septic system. The thing literally won't flush SHIT."

 

[Rat Boy]

Kirk: "Yes, Uhura, it's the starboard power coupling."

Uhura: "The starboard power coupling? What is it?"

Kirk: "It's a big piece of technobabble that seems to blow up every episode or so, but that's not important right now."

 

[Shatmandu]

Kirk: "Tell Spock we found where he keeps his weed."

Scotty: "Och! I were savin' this for when I took the bloom off Mr. Chekov's rose ..."

Gort: "Enough about your 'bairns.' I wanna talk about me."

 

[Shatmandu]

Kirk: "We need ten gallons of lubricant."
Uhura, filtered: "Meet me at my quarters in three minutes."

 

[Triskelion]

I always make it a point to get to know my hallucinations, laddie.

 

[Shatmandu]

Kirk: "It appears to be a giant gerbil-like animal. Do we have anyone on board who knows the ins-and-outs of such things?"
<Redshirt snickers; Scotty shoots him a quick glance.>

 

[Nerys Myk]

SCOTTY: Be careful with this one. It was a gift from the Doctor. Either it will put hair on your chest or burn out your eyes.

 

[cooleddie74]

KELVAN:"I may be drunk out of my skull...but even I know not to ask about the KILT."

 

[cooleddie74]

KIRK:"We need a box of lugnuts, a big wrench and someone who's bonded...STAT."

 

[Rat Boy]

SCOTTY: Be careful with this one. It was a gift from the Doctor. Either it will put hair on your chest or burn out your eyes.

Scotty: "And if it does the last one, you won't be able to tell if it did the first one."

 

[Shatmandu]

Scotty: "Why'm I reminded of my last date with Miss Uhura?"

Gort: "So if I blow on the end, it'll make noise?"
Scotty: "It and me both, lass."

Scotty: "Here's the problem: some arsehole flushed a phaser."
Kirk: "Unacceptable! <then, softer, into communicator> Kirk to armory, please issue me a new phaser. Kirk out."

 

[Nerys Myk]

SCOTTY: All I'm saying is you might be better off without her.

She was fooled by a pair of glasses! We're not talking MENSA here.

 

[Shatmandu]

Gort: "Now that we have consumed the beverages, your data banks mention several vigorous mating rituals we must accomplish."
Scotty: "Let me get me kilt down, luv."

 

[Rat Boy]

Scotty: "Okay, so now we know the green thing is kryptonite. Sorry about that."

 

[John Picard]

SCOTTY: All I'm saying is you might be better off without her.

She was fooled by a pair of glasses! We're not talking MENSA here.

 

[Gary7]

Scotty: "Oh, no... No, please... not again!"

 

[Shatmandu]

Scotty: "So ye buggered The Invisible Man, big deal. I've accidentally rogered many-a-lad; t'ain't nothin' t'worry yourself drunk about, son."




Star Trek, Tarantino-style:

Gort: "Do you have any more to drink?"
<Scotty shatters the bottle into Gort's eyes and beats him to death using the chair.>

 

[Gary7]

Scotty: "Laddie, it was a joke. I know I canna drink Superman under the table. But it be a bit daft for ya to come all the way to the 24th century to call me on it!"