TOS Caption Contest #119 - Sing Me A Song

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

McCoy: Both hands, Jim?!
Kirk: I can't help it. When I think about you, I just touch myself.

 

[Maurice]

Kirk: "Then order me a Yeoman who can't get pregnant ..."

McCOY: I have. Yeoman Butch Mansley is waiting for you in your cabin. And HE'S your daddy, now.

SULU: Why...why it's Mr.
KIRK (O.C.): SPOCK!

KIRK: The shuffle, ball change, kick was good... but you really need to end it with Jazz Hands!

REDSHIRT 1: Baby got back!

 

[highlander]

Kirk: "Hey, I make this shit look good!"

or....

Kirk: "Does this velour make me look like a Greek god or what?"

 

[highlander]

Sulu: "I think the fellas are really gonna love my new boa"

 

[Outpost4]

The leading candidate for the Packers' special teams coach in 2009.

 

[Shatmandu]

Guy Smiley: "The suit doesn't come with a diaper? Uh-oh."

Kirk: "Why shouldn't I eat a gallon of bean chili and drink a two quarts of whole milk?"

 

[Shatmandu]

Scotty: "Guardian, why did you show President Obama being born in Africa?"

 

[Gertch]

Famous Last Words:

"Hey ya'll, watch what I can do."

 

[Shatmandu]

Cooter: "How would I know where your cat is?"

 

[Balthier the Great]

The sun 'ill come out Tommarow. Bet your bottom dollar that Tommarow, there'll be sun.

No, Mr. Spock, he's not insane, he's just praciting for the shipwide talent show.

Happy RamaHanaKwanzmas, it's the best time of the year.
I don't know if there'll be snow, but have a cup of cheer.

Lesson #125 in the Starfleet Manual: Feather Boas are not suitable for zero gravity environments

 

[Shatmandu]

Kirk: "The Orion Slave Girl's vagina looked like a catcher's mit."
McCoy: "And you still stepped in the batter's box, I'm guessing."

Scotty: "See, lass? James Earl Ray did it."
Uhura: "This donut thing is F.B.I., man."

Sulu: "I like it when Mister Spock molts. <takes bite>"

Uhura: "Look at the abs on Obama."
Scotty: "Och."

<Kirk and Spock step through portal, into the past.>
Dark-Haired Red Shirt: "Dibs."

 

[Triskelion]

Oh those marks on your door? Yeah that's where the turds hit.

I don't know Jim. Let's see it without the tribble again.

 

[Shatmandu]

Goon: "For Christmas dinner? A possum, a cat, and the top half of a deer. Thawing as we speak."

Kirk: "You picked Carl Spock to be your lab technician, not me."

 

[scottydog]

Dude: "A bifurcated snow-blower? Why that's pure genius!"

Kirk: "I'm sorry, Bones. I only take my shirt off for women, for fights with aliens, and for Sulu."

 

[Hambone]

KIRK: Like this?
McCOY: Arms wider. Try standing in the corner. And would it kill you to smile?

KIRK: How about now?
McCOY: Perfect!

 

[Shatmandu]

Gooch: "Not if our balls don't touch."

 

[Rat Boy]

Not that this has anything to do with this contest, but last year I did a special Caption Contest Christmas Card so I decided to another one this year to wish you all a...

From left to right, standing: Trigger-Happy Terrell, Cloud William, Carl Spock, Cloud Santas, Assless Chaps Picard, and Running Spock.

From left to right, sitting: Vomit, Grignak (the fish-looking coffee asswipe), Lefty the Tribble Salesman, Baby Jimmy, Flamethrower Data, Pointing Worf ("Sir, I protest! I am not a JOLLY MAN!"), and Barney the Testicles.

And here's a special animated Roxbury edition:

 

[shivkala]

Kirk: "I'm bringing sexy back."

"Geez, you do the Captain once in an alternate timeline and suddenly men follow you around hoping to get some..."

"Of course, I'll pose for this picture, what harm can come of it?"

 

[Rat Boy]

Picard: "Every year it's the same damn thing; I try to have a quiet Christmas alone and then a group of lunatics shows up."

 

[John Picard]

{Newscast voiceover} ".. due to severe budget cuts. The remaining crew of the City Street Maintenance Department believes that snow removal efforts will take longer than in years past and asks that residents be patient.{/Newscast voiceover}