TOS Caption Contest #119 - Sing Me A Song

[Santa Kang]

MCCOY: You need to stop raiding Kirk's wardrobe, Picard. His "fat shirt" doesnt really fit you.

 

[Triskelion]

Goodbye Unabomber, hello Hazmat Pelt Trader. Ready ladies?

 

[S'kai]

Sulu: The Denobulan Menorah is a bit delicate to set up . . .

 

[Rat Boy]

Christmas presents for 2268 revealed...

...a large, stone donut that sounds like Bart LaRue.

...a fuzzy boa that can be worn on any occasion.

...three feet of snow beamed back to the past to stave off global warming.

...a bald, French gigolo.

 

[Shatmandu]

Man, offscreen: "Why are you cleaning off my driveway?"
Bluey: "I dunno. Why are you fucking my wife?"
Man, offscreen: "... Touche."

Kirk: "Maybe Proximity Phasers look different than regular Phaser shots. Can't you think for yourself?"

Kirk: "You like flat-chested women, but I'm a freak because I like to fart during sex?"

 

[Shatmandu]

Kirk, offscreen: "Scotty, while we're in the past, I'll look up your great-great-whatever-grandmother. See if all those limericks about her are true ..."
Scotty, looking down, sadly: "Aye."

McCoy, offscreen: "Don't fart so hard next time."

 

[Outpost4]

Sulu aiming his gaydar.

Kirk: Who am I to deny the captain of the Enterprise?

 

[milo bloom]

Kirk: She thought it was "silly but cute" when I hid under her bed a few years back.

McCoy: Well, back then you could actually fit under it. Now you just looked like a mattress gnome trying to steal it.

Uhura: Wait...wait...there! See it!
Scotty: (reading) 'Marisa Tomei' Well, I'll be....
Redshirt 1: Ok, what's next on the list?
Redshirt 2: 1999, Saving Private Ryan was robbed...

"Does this boa make my shirt look avocado?"

 

[Shatmandu]

Kirk: "But I just put it in a little bit ..."

Guardian, offscreen: "This is but one of the Caption Contests in the galaxy. Let me be your guide."
Uhura, turning to Scotty: "'A bag of laundry,' huh?"
Scotty: "I dinna say it, lass. T'was one o' them bleedin' arseholes out there ..."

Sulu, reading aloud: "'This Thong Property of Montgomery Scott.'"

 

[Shatmandu]

Kirk: "Because light beer tastes like water."

Scotty: "Uhura, show me Lee Harvey Oswald shootin' that pinko liberal bastard again, would ye? It's me favorite."

 

[Shatmandu]

Scotty, softly: "That's me ma, but that's not me pa ..."

 

[Rat Boy]

McCoy: "So you've put on a little weight. That's no reason to tease you."

Jabba the Kirk: <<Bring me Scotty and the Vulcan. They will suffer for this outrage!>>

 

[Outpost4]

Kirk: Does this shirt make me look fat?
McCoy: No, it's the cheeseburgers that make you look fat.

Scotty: Uhura, did you notice in the view of the future, the two guys aren't behind us?
< Uhura and Scott take one step forward >

 

[Rat Boy]

Kirk: "Does this shirt make me look fat?"

McCoy: "Well, take the shirt off and lets see."

*takes off shirt*

McCoy: "Nah, it's definitely not the shirt."

Kirk: <<McCoy, you may have been a good doctor, but now you're Bantha fodder! Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!>>

 

[SantaEddie74]

"Sorry, Bones.

You didn't deserve a Christmas present this year.

You didn't cover for my ass when those yeomans got knocked up this past spring. Tough luck, Bucko!"

 

[SantaEddie74]

JABBA(Huttese):"The next time you drop a shipment of Huttese birth control at the sign of an Orion raider ship...you're SEHLAT POO-DOO!!!"

 

[Rat Boy]

Rand had really let herself go by the end of the five year mission.

 

[SantaEddie74]

"DAMN, Scotty!!

What the blazes happened to you these past five years?!"

 

[Rat Boy]

McCoy: "My God, Jim. How'd you fit through the door?!"

 

[SantaEddie74]

Shatner's ego took on a far more dangerous life of its own during Season 2.