Contest: ENTER TNG Caption This! #556: ANGER!

[Finn]

Security Officer's Log: I keep forgetting his name so I've been calling him "Blue Ferengi" in my head...

Science Officer's Log: I keep forgetting his name so I've been calling him Turtlehead, after someone I knew at the Academy...

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Stealing @T'Bonz's ale was the worst mistake Picard ever made.

 

[Nerys Myk]

PICARD: Good lord, I had no idea Cloris Leachman was still alive!

 

[Finn]

Stealing T'Bonz's ale was the worst mistake Leadhead ever made.

....fixed

 

[Leviathan]

Marina Sirtis from 2035 attempts to change the timeline so that she never had to wear the Skant.

 

[tharpdevenport]

Worf: "Someone has been pooping in the navigation dolphins tank. You wouldn't know anything about that, would you?"

 

[Nerys Myk]

WORF: A black turtleneck????? Do you think this is the 23rd Century, mister??!!

 

[Captain Crow]

Data: DAMN THING ATE MY QUARTER!

Troi: YOU ATE THE LAST DOVE BAR YOU SON OF A BITCH! DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Picard: Why are you standing there?

Riker: It's the only spot I can lean on that doesn't have buttons I can press and accidentally acti...

[Riker sneezes]

Riker: ...activate self-destruct.

Computer: Voice command accepted. Self-destruct activated. Initiating one minute countdown. 60. 59. 58.

Riker: Oh, crapola.

 

[Captain Crow]

Troi: How many times do I have to tell you?! PUT THE SEAT DOWN!!

Data: I want my two dollars!

Picard: Numbah One. Please stop greeting people coming out of the lift by farting at them!

[lift doors open. Riker farts]

Voice from Lift: Asshole!

Riker: No. It's funny.

[Lift doors open again. Riker lets out a wet sputtering fart]

Picard: You followed through didn't you?

Riker, confidently: No.

Voice from Lift: Yo dog, that dude shat himself!

Riker, sheepishly: Maybe.

[Troi continuously saying "DIE!" to the tune of the TOS fight music]

 

[tharpdevenport]

Troi: How many times do I have to tell you?! PUT THE SEAT DOWN!!

Picard: "Only if you start putting the toilet paper on the bar the right way!"

 

[Herbert]

Picard: Okay, okay! You can be on top. Just put down the knife

 

[Finn]

Picard: I sense that you are upset about something

Troi: Not funny!

 

[Tenacity]

Senile Troi: I want my cellular peptide cake with mint frosting, and my kool-aide.

 

[Leviathan]

...a rare glimpse into how the actors decided who was going to be the "B story" next week.

 

[Laura Cynthia Chambers]

Riker (reading): 'Dear Crew,

Please excuse Captain Picard for being short-tempered, brusque, and generally cranky today. He woke up to this after reliving the Nausicaan attack in his dreams.

Sincerely, Dr. Beverly Crusher'

What's Worf's excuse then?"

 

[Finn]

FARP (Federation Association of Retired Persons) Spokesperson: You may be no longer able to fight Nausicaans, but you should be able to expect complete comfortable and supporting health and lifestyle at the age of 60.

Second Officer's Log: I hate it when that video of Tasha's from her Academy days freezes and shuts down...

 

[Tenacity]

Lt. Blue: My people can detect danger and the approach of death.

Worf: And?

Lt. Blue: I ain't gettin' nothing from you.

Worf: Punk.

Lt. Blue: Bitch.

 

[XCV330]

"No.. I didn't know that the six pack in the bridge-fridge was just for you. I get it now. I'll REPLICATE you another, captain. Am I dismissed?'"

"So we take each other's hand/Cause we seem to understand/The urgenceeeeeee/Just remember!"

"I hate to disappoint you but this is NOT the first time I've been stabbed in the heart."

Computer, pause punch. End program.

Oooooohklahoma where the wind blows heavy on the plains!

 

[Mr Soak]

Picard: May the Schwartz be with youuuuuuuubobobobl;bulekjbvlt;cmelte

(Captain's Log, supplemental: My Yoghurt impression was a big success, thanks to Cheif O'Brien.)

 

[Catarina]

Data is unhappy with his first Ulta purchase: I ordered the foundation in Irish Blush! Not Mimi Boebeck!

I am disappointed. It was sexier when the Nausican did it.