TNG Caption This #225: Shut up Wesley!

[LeadHead]

Ladies and Gentlemen of the Caption Contest! Hello and hope you're doing well! I'm gonna have a crazy day tomorrow and want to have this and the DS9 contests up by Saturday, so I'm getting an early start here.

However, I've got a big announcement to make before we start talking about winners.

Drumroll please......

I've honestly had an awesome time doing these character centric contests over the last 3 months and I wanted to do something special to bring them to a close.

How will the Showdown work?

Next Friday after I judge the winners of the Contest here, I will select 3 from each contest, 1 Standard Caption Winner, 1 Photoshop Winner and the Klingon Belly Laugh Award Winner. Each will have its own category, where you, not me will vote in a Poll for the Winners of the entire Character Caption Saga!

What's the prize? The winners are entitled to do the following, either A: Select the Pictures for an upcoming Caption Contest, B: Judge the Winners of an upcoming Caption Contest or C: A and B. It will be your choice, I want the win to be fun for you and not to make it a tough prize to have.

The Showdown will run for a week and then we'll have our winners!

Looking forward to it! And now....

First up to the plate, we have the "Tough Room" Award, going to:

"So, yeah, airline food! What's the deal with that?"

Next, we have a Tag Team Award, the "Product Placement" Award goes to:

TROI: Have you tried Enzyte?

Barkley: "No "Smilin' Boner Bob" was an ancestor of mine said that shit never worked"

Next, the "Federation Funny Farm" Award goes to:

Reg: But there was a... thing... on...the...wing!
Shatner: Not you as well?!

Batting Cleanup, we have the "If this isn't an Emergency, I don't know what is" Award, goes to:

Will: A little to the left. Oh, yeah!

Alyssa: Doctor, the extra credits will come in handy when we enter the Ferengi sector, but are you sure turning Sickbay into a massage parlor was a good idea? (whispers) No one wants to work on Mister Barclay.

Reginald: Doctor, I really think it's my turn!

Beverly: Computer, activate the EMH.

Next up, we have the "Barclay, Reginald Barclay" Award going to:

Voice on Computer: Do you expect me to talk, Goldshirt?
Barclay: No, Mr. Bashir. I expect you to die.

Our Photoshop Award goes to:

BARCLAY: Whelp, that takes care the Klingons. Spock you have the bridge. Uhura, meet me in my quarters.

UHURA: Say what???!!!!

Barclay - My name is Reginald, and I'm an alcoholic.
Picard - Mr Barclay, this is the bridge, and we are in the middle of a fight with the Borg!
Barclay - well I didn't say I'd stopped drinking yet.

Congrats to all of our winners and many thanks to all of our contestants! And now, in Part 1 of the exciting conclusion to the character centric contests, we have Wesley Crusher!

Okay, I've been holding onto this first picture for quite awhile and am very eager to see what you all do with it!

Rock and Roll!

 

[Gepard]

Worf: "Doctor, isn't he a little...old...for the brit milah?"

 

[boco]

Picard: We know you hacked into Lt Barclay's Leather Troi Programe, and changed the password , to use it only yourself.. GIVE US THE PASSWORD! NOW!

 

[LeadHead]

Beverly: It was Geordi's turn to save the ship!

And so begins the "Torture O'Brien" Episodes.

Data: I am afraid we do not understand your dirty jokes Commander. I am an Android and he is a bookworm.

Wesley: You're going to use the Game on me?

Picard: We were, then we remembered that this ship has plenty of phasers.

Picard: Change the channel!

 

[inflatabledalek]

Beverly: No I will not play Doctors with you. That's just wrong.
Wesley: But you and the Captain play it all the time! I thought it'd be fun, examining text books and diognosing our health problems. That is how you two play it isn't it?
Beverly: Err... Sure.

O'Brien: Oh sod off. I spent years to become an engineer but they let you have a uniform for just being the son of the woman who plays "doctors' with the Captain. I'll tell you this much though: I got a caption contest before you despite you being a full opening credits regular for three years and me just being a glorified extra who isn't even sure if I was really me the first couple of times I was on the show. And I'll get another one when the DS9 sub forum gets round to doing it. So who's cool now, bitch?

Data: Sorry Captain, the boy was asking for tips on how to get Yar into bed.
Picard: well you just get her drunk of course... is what I've been told. By someone else who isn't me.

"We all had caption contests before you as well. As did the one season Doctor and the bloke off the A-Team. Sucks to be you".

Worf: I had no idea the "cup" in the title was actually Wesley. Worst porn ever.


Thanks for the win! I'm now worried that most of my Wesley entries are filthy. My mind is very wrong.

 

[Isis]

Wesley's quarters were so dirty that poor O'Brien--who drew the short straw--had to wear a wet suit to clean them.

Data (to self): "What was that line, again?" <brief pause> "Oh yeah, I know."

Data: "Kid, have you ever seen a grown man naked?"

Beverly: "OK, you claim you 'don't recall.' Well, perhaps this rectal thermometer will jog your memory a bit."

 

[Holdfast]

WESLEY: Harder, mom, HARDER!

O'BRIEN (freaking out): They came out of the trees, man! They came out of the trees!
WESLEY (rhetorical): What I can't understand is why anyone would voluntarily become dependent upon a chemical...

DATA: Is it that wrong for an android to hold hands with a young boy, Captain?

BEVERLY: No, you're Space-Jewish, Wesley. You get circumcised at this age. Just relax, it'll only take a snip.

WESLEY: You're my bitch now, Picard.

 

[Isis]

Beverly: "Another fry up your nose? Why can't you just have a stash of porn like other teenage boys?"

Worf: "I really liked the fat kid better."

 

[Finn]

Wesley: I am Wesley of Borg. Resistance is futile....

 

[Jonas Grumby]

O'Brien: "Dammit, boy! 'Smack my balls and call me Weepy' is just an old Irish saying! You're not supposed to actually do it!"
Wesley: "Sorry, Weepy."

Data: "If by 'gay' you mean 'happy,' then yes. Yes, we are."

 

[Finn]

O'Brien: Mental Note- If Q ever send me back to just before we left for Fairpoint station, I'll write myself a note making sure I resign my commission and settle in a nice cottage out in the Irish countryside.

 

[milo bloom]

Wes: "Is that sex?"
Data: "No Mr. Crusher. Commander Riker simply made one too many "hide the salami" jokes and Counselor Troi is now attempting to hide the "salami" in the food waste disposal unit.

 

[Alrik]

Beverly: "That's for telling Jean Luc I got my boobs 'bobbed'."

Wes: "A kayak accident on the holodeck?"

O'Brien: "Ya, there must be something wrong with the failsafes."

Wes: "Lucky for you it wasn't the sky diving program."

Picard (os): "Set course (hic) left, 6 light years."

Wes: "What?"

Data: "Disregard that Wesley, I believe the Captain has gotten into the Saurian Brandy again."

Wes: "So, let me get this straight. My own mother is going to hook me up with a highly addictive game that will give me the sensation of having ongoing orgasms? You know, that is just wrong on sooooo many levels."

Worf: "I swear, if I ever had a boy that annoying I'd be tempted to stick a blade into my heart."

 

[Honorable Ensign]

O'Brien: I need more than a pat on the shoulder; I have a broken arm!
Wesley: Sorry, that's as close as I want to get to that outfit.

Data: Assless chaps, captain?

 

[Isis]

O'Brien: "Next time you lose your rubber ducky in your bathtub, you'll have to look for it yourself."

 

[Nerys Myk]

O'BRIEN: He's touching me again!!!!!!

DR CRUSHER (os): Weeeessss!!!!!

WES (under his breath): baby

 

[Mistral]

Crusher: "Well, the plans for the execution are coming along wonderfully!"

Picard: "Oh, yes, and I understand the whole crew plans to attend!"

Riker: "Now, Wes, we're all counting on you-make sure you play your part with dignity!"

Wes: "What's my part?"

Worf: "You're the victim, of course."

 

[Mistral]

Wesley: "Look, I'm sorry!"

O'Brien: "You should be! The Vulcan Neck Pinch isn't supposed to break a person's arm! Didn't you practice first?"

 

[Finn]

Wesley: "Look, I'm sorry!"

O'Brien: "You should be! The Vulcan Neck Pinch isn't supposed to break a person's arm! Didn't you practice first?"

Wesley: I was told to practice on you.

 

[Gary7]

Desperate to sell off his excess stuff before heading off to Starfleet Academy, Wesley went a little overboard convincing O'Brien to take his SCUBA suit.

O'Brien: "See, I told you it wouldn't fit. Now I'm so constricted, I can't get the damned thing off!"
Wesley: "Works for me; it's yours."

Wesley: "It's the 24th Century, Commander Riker. So, what's the problem with a little hand holding between male friends?"

Wesley: "But mom, you can't do this--please!"
Beverly: "I'm sorry, Wes. But consensus has it. Your smarmy smile is simply too annoying for all of us to bear. A few minutes of plastic surgery and everything will be just fine."

Wesley: "Gosh guys, look; I'm in engineering, right next to the warp core!"
Worf: "Wesley Crusher, get off the view screen--we can't see where we're going!"