TNG Caption This #175: You Will Be Assimiliated

[LeadHead]

Hello everyone! Sorry for the delay this time around, but between changing work schedules and being out and about so much, it's been tough to have enough steady internet time to set up a new contest. Now that things are calming down, I can announce that this will resume being a weekly Contest, updated on Saturdays from now on.

Judging this time was a lot of fun this time because of great captions and the fact that I did it poolside. A highly fun thing, you should all do someday, without further ado, Our Winners!

First off, for paving the way for the much cooler uniforms in Season 3, our winner is:

"If there's one consolation out of this, it's that I now know that these uniforms really do look ridiculous."

For reminding us all of the dangers of sonic weaponry, our winner is:

WORF (thinking): No trombone duets....please, no trombone duets....

For the evil deed of hooking up with your twins ex, our winner is:

Lore: Oh, and by the way, your relationship with Jenna D'Sora is on again. In a big way! Hope you don't mind.

For giving the old "Take it outside" a whole new meaning, our winner is:

Pretty much the only two guys I know of who probably should & could take this fight outside

For reminding us that there's no accounting for taste, even across parallel universes, our winner is:

Worf in back: "You know, we could try singing."

Worf in red up front: "Klingon opera?"

Worf in back: "No. 'Rocket Man!'"

And finally for reminding us that nepotism is okay, so long as you keep it in the family, our winner is:

LORE: And I'd like to introduce our new VP for Assimilations and Eliminations.....my brother Data!

BORG: Frakking nepotism

Congratulations to all contestants and our winners!

Now moving on to one of Star Treks most scary and creepy villains, no not the Ferengi, the BORG!

Have at it!

 

[LeadHead]

Riker: Wait! They could nice!

Borg Begins to assimilate Data

Riker: Okay, shoot.

Riker: May I have this Danc-

Hugh: This is the worst dating game I've ever been on.

Data: If I had a solarplexus, I'd be in pain right now!

Locutus: Hmmm.... they're on the Battle Bridge, Nah, they're not going to separate the Saucer.

Riker: My plan is going perfectly!

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Riker: Wait. It's a woman.
Worf: Yes. Dr. Crusher.
Riker: Oh, carry on, lieutenant.

Riker: Troi was never this rough!

Hugh: Wait. Wait. You have a boner for her?! Send me back to the collective. Individuality makes no sense if this is what gets you off, captain.

Data: Geordi was never this rough!

Locutus: I've only been assimilated for a day or so and Riker already redecorates the Battle Bridge — bitch!

 

[Subcommander R.]

Riker: Wait Worf! You can't shoot the Borg Queen before I've got to second base!

Riker: Okay, fine! Dinner at MY place...

Love Triangles: Beverly is eyeing Hugh, Hugh longs for Picard, and Picard is staring at Beverly.

Data's attempts at modeling were rejected by even the Borg.

Locutus: This show is affecting me too much, switch to CNN.

 

[Nerys Myk]

RIKER: Wait, don't delete it. I haven't seen that episode.

RIKER: No worries, I have him on the ropes!

CRUSHER: DNA scans prove that Hugh is your son. So... what exactly did you do on that Cube when you were Locutus?

The Tickle Me Data doll was a big hit.

LOCUTUS: They have Hostess stations in the 24th Century?

 

[Rat Boy]

Riker: "Wait. Remember, we agreed not to shoot anyone in the face or the crotch."

Picard (thinking): You know, maybe I should lend a hand. Beverly says I need more exercise.

Crusher: "We had a lot of fun together, didn't we, Hugh?"

Hugh: "There isn't enough brain bleach in the entire collective that can make me forget that."

Data: "It would appear that I have sensitive nipples!"

Locutus: "We will...would someone please stop rotating the screen? It's getting annoying!"

 

[LeadHead]

Worf: We have to shoot them!

Riker: No, we need 22nd Century Phase Pistols, because there's no way they could defend against them!

 

[Rat Boy]

Worf: "I can't see; you're going to have to aim for me."

Riker: "Wouldn't be easier if you just gave me the phaser?"

Worf: "Just do as I say!"

Frakes: "No autographs!"

Locutus: "You will disarm all of your weapons and escort us to the Hair Club for Men."

 

[Gil T.Azell]

In back ground "Jerry, Jerry, Jerry!"

Worf: "I'm changing the channel"

Riker: "No, wait I like this show"

 

[Smellincoffee]

Beeeelaaaaay thaaaaat phaaaasssserrrrr orrrder, Mr. Wooooooorf.

You're not taking MY chair, dammit! Take Troi's! She doesn't even need to BE here!

Crusher: Jean-Luc, I'd like you to meet Starfleet's first Borg crewmember.
Picard: May I suggest a...red uniform?
Guinan, aside: Gold is the new red, Jean-Luc.
Picard: Right. Gold, gold. You'll look better in gold. And how do you like the sound of perilous away missions?

Locutus' biological and technological superiority did not exempt him from being hooked by cliffhangers.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Riker: "Hey! That's my viewscreen remote! I've been looking all over for that!"

Borg: "Will, I am your father!"
Riker: "Noooooo!"
Picard: "Huh! Didn't see that one coming!"

Picard: "Well, Hugh, did you and Dr. Crusher get a lot accomplished today?"
Hugh: "Oh, yes, Captain! She taught me all about MILFs!"

 

[Noname Given]

Locutus: "Damn, I've SEEN this episode before!"

 

[Mojochi]

Riker: WAIT! Your forearm looks a bit tense. Let me loosen you up a bit

Riker: It's a tango dammit! DIP ME!

Picard: Fine, just as long as you change his papers

Data only regretted Soong's ball bearing neck joint after the third rotation

Locutus: Bloody Hell. Would you sit up straight! You could give a Borg a stiff neck, you lurch

 

[Finn]

Resistance is Futile. Your trombone will be added to our collectiveness...

I think not!

Have you noticed my pecs have gotten harder, not that it matters in this day and age?

No. I won't look down. I already did it to Riker

"Where's that Son of Bitch named Sisko? I want him to remember me"

 

[mirandafave]

yeah! thanks for win!

Resistance is Futile. Deanna will end up looking like her mother!
Riker: Take it back!

Picard [thinking]: Damn! i'm stuck with the redhead of doom and a wimpy drone that wants to be best friends with Geordi. How comes Janeway gets the hot babe Seven for keeps!?

Data to amorous Drone: No, you think flowers and a dinner and I will just give out at the end of a date.

A battle bridge! I never knew, otherwise surely I'd have made more use of it.

 

[kes7]

Riker realized just in time that the "Phaser the Tail off the Donkey" game was probably a bad idea.

Picard wasn't sure how he felt about Starfleet's innovative new approach to forcing Riker out of the second seat.

"All the kids are wearing it," said Beverly. "I'm just hoping the trend dies quickly. The gray makeup really makes Wesley break out."

DRONE (in baby talk voice): "Open the hangar, here comes the airplane!"
DATA: "NO! You can't make me! I told you, I hate brussels sprouts!!!"

LOCUTUS: "As long as we care about perfection and symmetry, we can't assimilate Riker. Just look at him. He's a force of nature greater than the Collective. He'll force us all to tilt to the left, even in battle."

 

[Mistral]

Riker was amazed at the life-like appearance of the Worf statue at Madame Tussauds.

 

[Rat Boy]

Hugh: "You're Locutus of Borg? My childhood is ruined!"

 

[Yeoman Randi]

LOCUTUS: "As long as we care about perfection and symmetry, we can't assimilate Riker. Just look at him. He's a force of nature greater than the Collective. He'll force us all to tilt to the left, even in battle."

MORNING CAWFEE SPEW!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Yeoman Randi]

Worf: "Should we shoot them?"

Riker: "No Fi!"