Contest: ENTER STV Caption Contest #237: The One Where Janeway Snogs an Alien

[Ghost of Christmas Future]

Welcome to the first new Star Trek Voyager Caption Contest of 2024!

This contest will feature pictures from the 5th season episode of Star Trek Voyager: Counterpoint

But first, here are the winners of the last contest:

@tharpdevenport wins the Captains Choice Award with:

Janeway: "So we agree: Harry doesn't get promoted, again."

Tuvok: "A logical conclusion, Captain."


MEANWHILE, IN THE MIRROR UNIVERSE...

Janeway: "So we agree: Harry doesn't get promoted, again."

Tuvok: "A logical conclusion, Captain."


Not to be outdone @tharpdevenport also takes home the Best Fart Joke with..

Janeway: "Doctor, what happened to him?"

Doctor: You didn't hear? Mr. Paris worked the late shift with Mr. Tuvok last night wherein the shift he ran afoul of Mr. Tuvok. They happened to both be on the turbolift together and Mr. Tuvok used his over-riding security codes to lock Mr. Paris in, only after filling the flatulence described as 'Putrid, foul, deadly, with a hint of Leeola root'. This is how we found him this morning."


@Catarina wins the highly coveted Best Dick Joke with:

[Observing haircut]
Nick: And they say I'm a d**k.


@Nerys Myk wins Third Prize with:

Staring contest, day 12. No clear victor in sight.


@Leviathan comes Second Place with:

Janeway wins yet ANOTHER staring contest....


And the Winners are @A Chimpanzee & 2 Trainees with:

Nuh uh.. no, I don't believe you!

I'm telling you Wesley, he's not an android, just some guy in gold paint!


Congratulations to the winners!



Here're th' new pictures:

Bonus Picture:

 

[Crazy 4 Xmas Lights]

Congratulations to the victors, in a long and well-attended contest. I lost, but it was worth the ignominy of defeat to be able to do a Hitchhikers Guide crossover. And of course, thanks to @Orac , for putting this latest cornucopia of captions together.

Still hoping to put together a story for most of these, but in the meantime...

LITTLE KNOWN FACT: The original SNW crossover episode was actually planned to be a three-way with "Lower Decks" AND "Next Generation".

 

[A Chimpanzee & 2 Trainees]

TFTW Orac. This last one was particularly fun

.

LITTLE KNOWN FACT: The original SNW crossover episode was actually planned to be a three-way with "Lower Decks" AND "Next Generation".

Suddenly have Riker in my head from Picard -
"Do you even hear yourself?"

 

[tharpdevenport]

The curse of winning for Tuvok fart jokes continues, LOL.

That moment when you know what Mr. Tuvok had for lunch.

Using your "Old Lady Fingers" to point to who farted.

7 of 9: "But the manual doesn't say how to set the sexual aide to vibrate!"

 

[Finngle Bells]

Captain's Log: I managed to contain my shock when Spock and Pike mentioned meeting Trip....

 

[Ghost of Christmas Future]

Janeway: C'mere.

 

[tharpdevenport]

Boldly going to your parents' basement to never kiss a girl.

 

[Adventerprise]

Seven: "I wanted a pink Stanley cup..."

 

[Crazy 4 Xmas Lights]

STORY TIME!! It's "The Princess and the Frog", Voyager style.

JANEWAY: "What do you mean, there are things I can't do? I blew off Q, I sent death back to hell without me, I made fear himself crap his pants, and I had a statue of me put up in Bloomington 300 frickin' years before I was born. You name it, I can do it."

TUVOK: "Ensign Kim bets that you cannot turn a xenomorph into a handsome prince just by kissing it."
JANEWAY: "Tell him he's on."

SEVEN: "Personal log, Seven of Nine. The captain and Ensign Kim have made a bet. If he wins, she has to promote him to lieutenant commander. If she wins, he has to sing the song 'Frog Kissin' at the karaoke event scheduled for tonight. The human tendency to gamble can be quite confusing."

JANEWAY: "All right, Big Ugly. Pucker up."

SMMMMMMACK!!!

JANEWAY: "And there you go. One handsome prince. Better warm up that voice, Mr. Kim."
HARRY (sighs): "Yes, ma'am."

HARRY (singing): "So if you ever been frog kissin', you don't know what you been missin'; just look down, turn around, bend down, and kiss you a frog."

 

[A Chimpanzee & 2 Trainees]

A word of advice, Commander. Lay off Neelix's leola beans. Leola root is bad going down... but the beans are bad going out.. all day long.

This man...this man right here was the only one smart enough to lay off the beans. I hereby promote you to lt Commander.
See, Harry? All that whining and it could have been so simple.

Personal log, supplemental. In my quest to explore my humanity, I have decided to study romantic relationships. I shall begin accessing all computer information before moving on to simulations.

Computer, access replicator files. Give me the most popular romantic aid among among the crew.

Most... unexpected.

 

[Timewalker]

CHAKOTAY (off-camera): "There is a legend among my people --"

JANEWAY, THE ENTIRE BRIDGE CREW, SEVEN IN CARGO BAY TWO, EMH IN SICKBAY, B'ELANNA IN ENGINEERING, NEELIX IN THE GALLEY, NAOMI ON THE HOLODECK, AND EVERY BORG CUBE WITHIN FIVE THOUSAND LIGHT-YEARS: "CHAKOTAY, STFU!"

 

[A Chimpanzee & 2 Trainees]

CHAKOTAY (off-camera): "There is a legend among my people --"

JANEWAY: Wait.. this isn't going to be some cheesy way to ask me out without really asking me out so that you can plausibly deny being attracted to me, despite the entire bridge crew already knowing .... is it?

CHAKOTAY turns away, staring straight ahead.

 

[Crazy 4 Xmas Lights]

CHAKOTAY turns away, staring straight ahead.

And so does everyone else on the bridge. Except Harry, who quietly giggles.

 

[Adventerprise]

Janeway: "One does not simply fly into the Delta Quadrant..."
Tuvok: "The meme you are amending for your own purposes is not an apt one; in context, it refers to a daunting task which one cannot accomplish easily, without much planning, skill, and strategy. However, we arrived in this sector in the exact opposite way; unexpectedly, through no act or ability of our own. Therefore-"
Janeway: "-shut it."
Tuvok: "I would also like to add that your gesture is incorrect. Rather than fingers forming the shape of an 'o', you have opted to poi-"
Janeway: "-I said shut it!"

 

[Hawku]

"Ew! Tuvok and Neelix? And he's thus far unmurdered?"

 

[tharpdevenport]

Neelix: "Mister Vulcan."

Tuvok: "Tuvok."

Neelix: "Mister Tuvok. What if you and I were to somehow be like, meshed together, or blended like affine leeola root soup and meat mix? And what if while together, one of us, say, got a little excited by 7 of 9 in her skin-tight wear, and had to take care of business in a bathroom. Would that mean we are fucking ourselves? Would I be jerking you off, or would you be jerking me off? Does that make it a bisexual encounter?"

Tuvok: "Your hypothetical scenario is illogical and an unlikely outcome."

MEAN WHILE, Janeway feet away easedropping…

 

[Hawku]

"Yup. This guy ain't found shit."

 

[A Chimpanzee & 2 Trainees]

"Yup. This guy ain't found shit."

Chakotay: Captain, do you think we're taking our orders too literally?

Janeway: Of course not, you idiot...

 

[Hawku]

"This better not awaken something in me."

 

[tharpdevenport]

"This better not awaken something in me."

Harry (off screen): "Oh, it will…"