Contest: ENTER STV Caption Contest #209: The One That Never Happened Part 1

[Orac]

Welcome to the all new Star Trek Voyager Caption Contest!

Here are the winners of the last contest...

First up the Captain's Choice Award goes to @Tenacity with:

Beltran: "Mmm what?
Mulgrew: Sorry to wake you Robert, but they need you in makeup.

@TommyR01D gets third place with:

Tuvok's crippling fear of mice took the rest of the crew by surprise.

Second Place goes to @Catarina with:

Paris OC: Tuvok...I didn't know Vulcans were Voyeuristic.
Tuvok: I dabble.

And the winner is @Tenacity with:

Torres: It's an exact reproduction of Mr. Spock's imager, what do you see?

EMH: Andorian midget porn.

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Here're th' new pictures..

 

[Delta Vega]

Seven gets a surprise when Harry chances his arm with a cheeky pat on the arse

 

[Orac]

Neelix: Hey baby, wanna come back to my place and see my collection of Kevin Spacey movies?

 

[A Chimpanzee & 2 Trainees]

Harry: We've broken through the final encryption sequence. We're now in the heart of the Borg computer system.
Janeway (over comm): What do you see?
Harry: Many images of computers. From all different races, all different levels of technology. Categorized and cross-referenced.
Seven: Captain, we have found the Queen's computer porn.

 

[tharpdevenport]

Ethan Phillips: "LOL, tell you what, Jer', we'll just see who is more popular; I was here from the beginning, unlike you, LOL. We'll see who is still playing their character twenty years from now."
Jeri Ryan: "Care to put a wager on it?"
Ethan: "Sure. How about, LOL, five million dollars?"
Jeri: "Agreed. I'll have my lawyer bring over papers to sign to make it legally binding."
Ethan: "LOL, sure, what ever. LOL."

NEARLY TWO DECADES LATER...
"Jeri, you've got a call from the producers of 'Star Trek: Picard'."

 

[Catarina]

Janeway: I like my ship like I like my sex life: Rough.
Seven: You have no sex life.
Janeway: ....
Seven: Perhaps you'd like to borrow my Chakotay lover hologram.

 

[Delta Vega]

Janeway : "I mean, how the fuck do you keep your hair so perfect ?"

(Seethes)

 

[tharpdevenport]

Janeway: "Tom, are you concentrating on your du--"

tom: "YAHTEE!!!"

 

[IMC Headquarters]

ANNORAX:The Red Angel....Daniels...Braxton....James R Kirk....Kathryn Janeway...I give the **** up, Obrist. Contact Voyager. Signal our surrender.

SEVEN: The math proved too challenging for him. Perhaps his slide rule was too short?

 

[IMC Headquarters]

JANEWAY: What is the deal with you and Jean- Luc?
SEVEN: Spoilers.

 

[Catarina]

Tom: ack! okay, who selected the white screen saver that has the roach run across?

 

[Orac]

Janeway: Mister Paris, are those your dirty shorts on the floor?
Paris: Aw snap!

 

[A Chimpanzee & 2 Trainees]

Janeway: Mister Paris, are those your dirty shorts on the floor?
Paris: Aw snap!

Tuvok: Much as I would enjoy Mr. Paris's discomfort, I must confess they are mine, Captain. These aliens have quite simply.... 'scared the pants off me' as you would say.

 

[Catarina]

Taunting Kim, Paris invented Keep away: pip edition.

 

[Catarina]

Neelix: Hey baby, wanna come back to my place and see my collection of Kevin Spacey movies?

Adds, "I wax my Leola root to an image of you showered in rose petals." (Catarina:
)

 

[Catarina]

Oberist: I am sorry sir, did you say you wanted two men?
Annorax: Yes, I cannot have any alien women throwing themselves at me while I am on a mission to bring back my wife.
And I won't have this turning into Noah's ark either.

Jeri OC: The print on that cardboard is remarkable. For a moment I thought goobie* showed up today.
*Her actual pet name for him.

Wang OC: I'm your goobie!!! (Also her goobie)

 

[tharpdevenport]

The many faces of I Farted.

 

[JirinPanthosa]

KURTZMAN: So in the new Picard show, Seven will be wearing normal clothes, not a catsuit.
JERI RYAN: (Frozen in happiness)
WANG: What about Kim?
KURTZMAN: Oh, we're not, uhhh....well, let's wait and see if you make another top 50 sexiest men list. *chuckle*

 

[Finn]

Janeway: I've found a new holoprogram...about a mystery writer from Maine

Chakotay: sounds riveting

Neelix: Did I ever tell you we owe the existence of Leola Root to the Borg?

The new 3-D viewer didn't go well over for Tom when Torres called the bridge after they had a fight.

Obrist: Next target?
Annorax: Dumbassia Prime

 

[JirinPanthosa]

KIM: This is a good time to suggest my idea for a band, with Seven as the singer and me on clarinet!

JANEWAY: Should we tell the crew we've actually been doing it since we were left on that planet with an incurable disease?
CHAKOTAY: Nah, it's more fun this way.

NEELIX: Trust me on this one Seven, I have an instinct for these things.
SEVEN: Commander Chakotay and the Captain? It would be highly inappropriate.

Paris passed the long hours on the bridge by bouncing a ball against the viewscreen. Janeway objected at first, but then decided to try to break his record.

MAN IN BACK: Sorry I was late, I stubbed my toe.
ANNORAX: Alright, ready the temporal inversion on Bataris VI. That is the planet that designed the thing you tripped on.

SEVEN: I have a question, Captain. If Kes witnessed these events in the future, but then Kes leaving moved us 10,000 light years we would not have moved otherwise, how are we now experiencing these events? We should be nowhere near the path you took in that alternate future.
JANEWAY: Q did it.