It was fine, in the very same sense that a lot of Star Trek is fine.
But at the same time, t's a prime example of why TV musicals generally don't work. Because unless everyone is willing to fully commit and go the extra mile, it's just not going to turn out well.
The songs were all very weak. The harmonies were bland and vanilla, and the melodies were all over the place -- yet still lacked any interesting deviation. More importantly (and to my greater point), there was little in sonic texture and flourish -- the little touches that make great songs great. They were the kinds of songs you'd expect out of all those copycat teen musicals of the 2010s. Boring and forgettable. But I guess safe?
And consider the whole conceit about the Enterprise being the "Starship Earth" and all the would-be music that represents. Now, I don't expect them to brandish the entire breadth of human music, but I expect more than just slight deviations of the same sub-genre.
I acknowledge there is some potential cultural insensitivity to be had here. I mean, having La'an sing against the "Indian pentatonic" with a sitar playing in the background probably wouldn't have been very good. But I think brining is some African percussionists and choir with Gooding spending a few days with a Swahili language coach, good have done really tastefully and eloquently. And it would have been amazing.
Then there's Peck's song. This should have been so much more interesting than it was. Have Spock pull his lyre and play something alien sounding -- like have him dance some arpeggios around the flat (diminished) fifth of the locrian scale (Think Bjork.) and then have the hook resolve some place unique and unexpected.
And speaking of alien, the Klingon "gag" at the end shouldn't have been a gag at all. It could have easily been its own cool thing. Like, I'm sure it wouldn't have been too hard for them to find someone who could la lay some rhyme and have a good enough ear that he could learn a little Klingon on the fly. And then let him free form, sprinkling in some of the Klingon bits here and there.
But even sticking to Western music. Doesn't Mount play the guitar. I feel like a classic Carteresque folk-country song would have been very fitting for Pike. I can picture the main cast forming a 23 century jugband around him, but with all the gizmos and bits and bots instead of washboards and buckets. And I mean, there's even a sort of metatext there, as there always been a very jugbandish nature to how Star Trek props have historically been created.
Kirk should have gone straight for the 80s power ballad. I know it. You know. We all know it.
Then there is the [lack of] choreography. It was so sparse that it wasn't so much a musical as it was an episode with singing. Even the little red shirt number at the end was about as basic as it gets. And short. So much of the episode felt static. Musicals should never be static.
The scene where Una turns off the gravity could have been something really special. Instead, they just floated there for a few short moments. I get that zero-G isn't easy to do. But I think the inherent pretense would have been good enough to wave way simple wire work. Now, of course this would have meant a lot of extra work for Romijn and Cong, but that's what I mean by 'going the extra mile'. And I believe, given their professionalism and love for the show, they both would have been more than up to the task. And the thing is, not only could this have been amazing to see on screen, it would have been the sort of thing that generates legit industry buzz.
And probably the single biggest failure -- to the point I'm legit dumbfounded by it -- is the lack of costuming. I mean, they've already got the magical McGuffin in place, there's absolutely no excuse they couldn't Treknobablle wild and crazy costume changes in. What makes this even more perplexing is the SNW costume department is so damn good. Why not give them the opportunity to flex their muscles a little bit? Look what they did with the fairy tale last season.
I think this "could have been" really accumulates in Bush's song -- which I do think was the most sonically interesting of them all. I got the sense they were trying to go for a Nancy Sinatra vibe. So go all in. Get that slapping stand-up bass and twangy 60s Stratocaster. And I find the whole "it doesn't match TOS argument" utterly tiresome, and yet I think this would have been the perfect opportunity to turn into the skid. Like Bush snaps her fingers and suddenly the whole lounge is TOSified. The uniforms the mini skirts the go-go boots. And the lights, Star Trek has always been the show with the flashing lights. Let's see lots of flashing lights! And a smoke machine. Pure UFO psychedelia. Yeah, Baby, yeah! But in the end, it was way more Anna Kendrick than Nancy Sinatra.
And then there's the final song. It should have been so much more. They set up this entire conceit and plot point about it being big and crazy. It should have been. There should have been tempo changes and key changes. Even genre changes. Overtones and undertones. Mixed melodies. Counterpoint. Maybe a canon somewhere. Then it all comes into focus with the final ensemble. Cacophony into harmony. Chaos into Cosmos. Instead, it was just another number from High School Pitch Imperfect Musical XII: So Very Tired. Bland. Boring. And forgettable.
