Star Trek poetry
- Thread starter HIjol
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I met a Klingon Female once
She seemed to want to get in touch
Her touch was more like sledging hammers
My spine and bones were toast, oh, damn her!
I thought that we would spend some time
Talking, touching, taking time!
But that turned out a funny think
I even got the kitchen sink!
Her foreplay just consisted of
Biting palms and wrists, no gloves!
Some growling and a menacing glare
A punch to two...some pulled-out hair
And when it came to power coupling
My Jeffries Tube needed no more rubbing
I felt just like a qamuSHa rag doll
I gave and she took, and she took it all!
The next time I am tempted to
Dabble in Klingon making woo
I will remember these past three days
And run my ass off, far always!
She seemed to want to get in touch
Her touch was more like sledging hammers
My spine and bones were toast, oh, damn her!
I thought that we would spend some time
Talking, touching, taking time!
But that turned out a funny think
I even got the kitchen sink!
Her foreplay just consisted of
Biting palms and wrists, no gloves!
Some growling and a menacing glare
A punch to two...some pulled-out hair
And when it came to power coupling
My Jeffries Tube needed no more rubbing
I felt just like a qamuSHa rag doll
I gave and she took, and she took it all!
The next time I am tempted to
Dabble in Klingon making woo
I will remember these past three days
And run my ass off, far always!
"Latin Candy"
by 2takesfrakes
When I first met Lupita,
I thought, "ella está buena!"
Then her amiga saw us talking
and said, "muy bonita pareja."
"Tu eres mi cielo!"
Lupita said to me one night.
"Me encanta todo de ti,"
I answered, under a street light.
Besando mis labios,
Rubbing her scent all over me,
Her Public Display of Affection
on the corner for all to see.
Then a Latina walked by,
Saying something I couldn't hear,
or tell who it was meant for,
But it caught Lupita's ear.
Heated words were exchanged,
Words of hate. Words of spite.
Expressing wisdom and concern,
I prayed there'd be a Cat Fight.
La policia arrived
In time to stop the party
Lupita hissed at the latina,
"Você tem uma puta sorte!"
by 2takesfrakes
When I first met Lupita,
I thought, "ella está buena!"
Then her amiga saw us talking
and said, "muy bonita pareja."
"Tu eres mi cielo!"
Lupita said to me one night.
"Me encanta todo de ti,"
I answered, under a street light.
Besando mis labios,
Rubbing her scent all over me,
Her Public Display of Affection
on the corner for all to see.
Then a Latina walked by,
Saying something I couldn't hear,
or tell who it was meant for,
But it caught Lupita's ear.
Heated words were exchanged,
Words of hate. Words of spite.
Expressing wisdom and concern,
I prayed there'd be a Cat Fight.
La policia arrived
In time to stop the party
Lupita hissed at the latina,
"Você tem uma puta sorte!"
With all of this getting in touch with feelings through bad poetry and so forth ... I said, "you know what? Enough - OK? - enough, with that shit. It's time to toughen up this thread!" You know what I'm saying? Alright, then ... here we go:
Beamin' up, back on the ship
Training hard, for this mission
And now, I'm ready to go the distance
A fighting Man with strength and vigor
Frequently & with rapidity,
Passion loses its potency
When Vision Quests yield to craved glory
They are a struggle to maintain
It's they Eye of the Pugilist
Resolute & determined
To meet Delta Quadrant
Adversaries
And the last known member
of the Rubber Tree Tribe
Is watching us all with the Eye ...
of the Pugilist
Beamin' up, back on the ship
Training hard, for this mission
And now, I'm ready to go the distance
A fighting Man with strength and vigor
Frequently & with rapidity,
Passion loses its potency
When Vision Quests yield to craved glory
They are a struggle to maintain
It's they Eye of the Pugilist
Resolute & determined
To meet Delta Quadrant
Adversaries
And the last known member
of the Rubber Tree Tribe
Is watching us all with the Eye ...
of the Pugilist
I don't take no shit 'cause I don't give a shit
Honor and Glory and Maiming, that's it.
If Killing is needed, so be it, a Hit!
Pillage and Plunder, Mercy don't fit
A Fedaykin of Fighting, a Warrior of War
A Man of Mayhem, a Nom de Guerre
The Enemy can't hide behind his small door
I will find him, he won't be a threat any more
Guns and Ammo is my reading guide
Cammo and Blammo, Rambo, such Pride
A rifle and scope will be strapped to my side
"Pry from my cold dead"...my grave when I die!
Stay out of my way, or you'll Make My Day
If you do approach me you should be ready to Play
Clint and Snake and others, in their way
Know Manhood from Servitude, Today? Sons and Clay!
Honor and Glory and Maiming, that's it.
If Killing is needed, so be it, a Hit!
Pillage and Plunder, Mercy don't fit
A Fedaykin of Fighting, a Warrior of War
A Man of Mayhem, a Nom de Guerre
The Enemy can't hide behind his small door
I will find him, he won't be a threat any more
Guns and Ammo is my reading guide
Cammo and Blammo, Rambo, such Pride
A rifle and scope will be strapped to my side
"Pry from my cold dead"...my grave when I die!
Stay out of my way, or you'll Make My Day
If you do approach me you should be ready to Play
Clint and Snake and others, in their way
Know Manhood from Servitude, Today? Sons and Clay!
Taking a leak is a common act
At least, in the 21st Century, Fact!
But Geordi detected no "leak", so he said
Cochrane meant "Draining the Lizard", from the "head"
But Reg had a scene that made him a Mensch
Copper Coils he showed Geordi, who said they would match
The Outtakes showed Reg demonstrating his Balls
Pushing Smarmy LaForge and his VISOR to the walls
Barclay-come-Hulk, as 'Frakes "Illustrates
Transporter accident? No, Fury Unabate!
Reggie the Broccoli is, for real, No More
He will no longer stammer, but put you on the floor
First Contact, indeed, as you feel Lieutenant-Geddon
No more Whimp Pussy-Boy, just Rock-Hard attention
The Writers had painted Our Man with Pastels
But Reggie-Boy rang and kept ringing their bells
At least, in the 21st Century, Fact!
But Geordi detected no "leak", so he said
Cochrane meant "Draining the Lizard", from the "head"
But Reg had a scene that made him a Mensch
Copper Coils he showed Geordi, who said they would match
The Outtakes showed Reg demonstrating his Balls
Pushing Smarmy LaForge and his VISOR to the walls
Barclay-come-Hulk, as 'Frakes "Illustrates
Transporter accident? No, Fury Unabate!
Reggie the Broccoli is, for real, No More
He will no longer stammer, but put you on the floor
First Contact, indeed, as you feel Lieutenant-Geddon
No more Whimp Pussy-Boy, just Rock-Hard attention
The Writers had painted Our Man with Pastels
But Reggie-Boy rang and kept ringing their bells
Captain Kirk is the epitome of machismo ... and virility. So, it's not that easy finding pictures of him Proud Bald - even on The Internet - but I've managed (The Creator of this particular image remains ... unknown):
Here's some more Kirk action:
Above my head, a bed does squeak
To the rhythm, floorboards creak
Squeals and moans filter through
She has a new lover I know not who
This isn't what I pay rent for ...
On the Second Floor
Old woman downstairs blasts TV
All her shows are known to me
Grandkids scream, running wild
Tenant complaints I have filed
I'll be filling out more ...
On the Second Floor
Although the Earth I've $aved
For the slightest volume I raise
From the ceiling, stomping sounds
Beneath feet, a broomhandle pounds
Angry neighbours, at my door ...
On the Second Floor
Above my head, a bed does squeak
To the rhythm, floorboards creak
Squeals and moans filter through
She has a new lover I know not who
This isn't what I pay rent for ...
On the Second Floor
Old woman downstairs blasts TV
All her shows are known to me
Grandkids scream, running wild
Tenant complaints I have filed
I'll be filling out more ...
On the Second Floor
Although the Earth I've $aved
For the slightest volume I raise
From the ceiling, stomping sounds
Beneath feet, a broomhandle pounds
Angry neighbours, at my door ...
On the Second Floor
I enjoy looking up STAR TREK Fan Art, because so much of it is funny, to me. The title might say "Ezri Dax," but it looks like a Vidiian in Starfleet uniform. And, you know ... I don't mean it in an unkindly way. My poetry certainly fits right in, along with it, and both expressions amuse me, to no end! With that, here is a Vallen Times offering utilising the best of what's available in Fan Art and prose ...
IMAGES:
Torres
http://img01.deviantart.net/7301/i/2005/166/1/6/b__elanna_by_smileyrunner.jpg
Vorik
http://img03.deviantart.net/4996/i/2005/249/d/0/vorik_from_star_trek_voyager_by_drakkenfan.jpg
IMAGES:
Torres
http://img01.deviantart.net/7301/i/2005/166/1/6/b__elanna_by_smileyrunner.jpg
Vorik
http://img03.deviantart.net/4996/i/2005/249/d/0/vorik_from_star_trek_voyager_by_drakkenfan.jpg
My Friend 'frakes, we really must manage a meeting! Amazing, the similarities! I heartily agree with your words above, regarding fitting in and amusement. If nothing else, one should be able to find amusement and meshing within one's own creation(s)!
Another amusing creation percolating as we speak!
Another amusing creation percolating as we speak!
... Good!
I hope others join in, also. Sometimes, the poems do get a little on the serious side, I've noticed. But that's more for variety, really, than not appreciating a good chuckle. Yes, some Fan Art is unintentionally funny - very much so - and yes, I'll break out in my big ol' Tom Sawyer grin over it ... I can't help myself. But it's also people who are not Artists expressing how much they love Artists. The Artists who produce, write, direct and act in STAR TREK, in this case. And being an Artist myself, that touches my heart. If you make cars for a living, people are like, "Oh, wow ... OK ... that's cool." But ... if you make Art, you can capture not only their imaginations, but their love, as well. And you can't put a pricetag on that. So, yes, on one hand it cracks me up, because it's so raw and unrefined, but that sincerity also makes it beautiful to see.
I hope others join in, also. Sometimes, the poems do get a little on the serious side, I've noticed. But that's more for variety, really, than not appreciating a good chuckle. Yes, some Fan Art is unintentionally funny - very much so - and yes, I'll break out in my big ol' Tom Sawyer grin over it ... I can't help myself. But it's also people who are not Artists expressing how much they love Artists. The Artists who produce, write, direct and act in STAR TREK, in this case. And being an Artist myself, that touches my heart. If you make cars for a living, people are like, "Oh, wow ... OK ... that's cool." But ... if you make Art, you can capture not only their imaginations, but their love, as well. And you can't put a pricetag on that. So, yes, on one hand it cracks me up, because it's so raw and unrefined, but that sincerity also makes it beautiful to see.
An "Original" for The Trolls.
In Honor of my 7000th Post
200,000 more quick ones, and I will be the New Numero Uno here!
(With apologies to Frank - The Chairman - and songwriter Bart Howard!)
Fly me to the Thread and let me take apart their words
Let me try to figure out their meaning, so absurd
In other words, please make sense
In other words, Trolls are Posting
Fill the Threads with vitriol, non sequitur and dung
Make my head hurt trying hard to understand their "dumb"
In other words, please Post Truth
In other words, Please, no nonsense...
When I try to point out flaws and logically respond
All, it seems, I get back is some insults; so unkind!
In other words, it's futiiiiiiile!
In other words.... (Finger snap)
In other words... (Brass abraaaap!!!)
In other worrrrrrrds
You're on Ignore!!!
Plink, dink, zink, yeahhhhhhhhhh...
Thanks for coming, everybody...I'll be here all decade!
In Honor of my 7000th Post
200,000 more quick ones, and I will be the New Numero Uno here!
(With apologies to Frank - The Chairman - and songwriter Bart Howard!)
Fly me to the Thread and let me take apart their words
Let me try to figure out their meaning, so absurd
In other words, please make sense
In other words, Trolls are Posting
Fill the Threads with vitriol, non sequitur and dung
Make my head hurt trying hard to understand their "dumb"
In other words, please Post Truth
In other words, Please, no nonsense...
When I try to point out flaws and logically respond
All, it seems, I get back is some insults; so unkind!
In other words, it's futiiiiiiile!
In other words.... (Finger snap)
In other words... (Brass abraaaap!!!)
In other worrrrrrrds
You're on Ignore!!!
Plink, dink, zink, yeahhhhhhhhhh...
Thanks for coming, everybody...I'll be here all decade!
Seems to make a mistake, these days
Is tantamount to gamma rays
Misspeak, mistype, and you will see
The Cataclysm come down on thee
It almost seems to me, you see
That others wait to pounce with glee
The concept of a true mistake
Beyond conception, coals will rake
Perfection matters not a lot
As lashing out and faking not
You don't even know me, "honey"
Still, you think your shit is funny?
How 'bout we all just pretend
We're here for the love of the selfsame end
Posting on 'bout Trek and More
Not pushing people out the door
Is tantamount to gamma rays
Misspeak, mistype, and you will see
The Cataclysm come down on thee
It almost seems to me, you see
That others wait to pounce with glee
The concept of a true mistake
Beyond conception, coals will rake
Perfection matters not a lot
As lashing out and faking not
You don't even know me, "honey"
Still, you think your shit is funny?
How 'bout we all just pretend
We're here for the love of the selfsame end
Posting on 'bout Trek and More
Not pushing people out the door
- Status
