question for guys: flirting vs just friendly talk

[melancholymecha]

thanks for the answers guys. In case youre wondering this question was brought on by my current therapy for my social anxiety. I seem to be getting mixed answers split b/w yes & no. Certainly as far as media is concerned its a no(as in guys cannot see women as strictly platonic friendships.)

so my next question is how does a woman know when its flirting & when its small talk?

 

[Shazam!]

I don't think I flirt. Unless not flirting is considered flirting. Like having no thing is my thing.

 

[Kestra]

so my next question is how does a woman know when its flirting & when its small talk?

I've never known until someone's actually made a pass at me. Actually, not always even then. I've ended up on a date with an arm around me before I realized what was going on.

 

[ares93]

so my next question is how does a woman know when its flirting & when its small talk?

I've never known until someone's actually made a pass at me. Actually, not always even then. I've ended up on a date with an arm around me before I realized what was going on.

reminds me of something my "fianceé" once told me. you're not alone, trust me on this one. its quite common.

 

[RoJoHen]

Where you draw the line? Is smiling flirting? No, obviously: that's just being nice.

Smiling can be flirting though!

Only if you do it with your sexy eyes.

 

[Kestra]

Bottom line: don't worry, just keep smiling! (especially if you have such a stunning, brilliant smile!)

(just to underscore my point: that was flirting. )

Where you draw the line? Is smiling flirting? No, obviously: that's just being nice.

Smiling can be flirting though!

Only if you do it with your sexy eyes.

You guys are terrible!

 

[BolianAuthor]

There are very few instances where a man approaches a woman and strikes up a conversation and doesn't have the faint hope it may lead up to something "interesting" (if the woman could be their grandmother for example or if they have such a close and stable relationship where he doesn't even entertain the thought of flirting or more).

Men are just wired that way and anyone who denies it is a flat out liar to me. When we look at a woman we notice breasts, shapely legs and nice faces before we have any thoughts about her personality etc.. it is the way it is.
No shame about it and certainly no harm if one isn't a jackass who only wants to fuck around and then drops the women when he's done.

^

This. It's not politically correct, but it's the truth. Men are visually stimulated, and when we see an attractive woman, we go up to her and talk to her because she is attractive to us. If she engages us in conversation and reciprocates, we assume we're doing good. If she rebuffs us, we don't think she's that great, lol.

And the same is true for women, regardless of if women will admit it or not... I have never been approached by any woman who opened up a conversation with me out of the blue. In both LTR's I was in, I was the one who made the first move. But even if all you are interested in is a purely platonic friend, why don't more women come up to us guys, and open up a conversation? Because it confirms the above points, that when men see a woman, they notice her sex appeal first, before anything else.

Just my two cents.

 

[Kestra]

I regularly talk to men that I am not attracted to. It's called being friendly.

 

[BolianAuthor]

Then you're a rare one, I guess. In any case, that's cool that you do that.

 

[RoJoHen]

I regularly talk to men that I am not attracted to. It's called being friendly.

And I do the same with women I am not attracted to. Is this really that bizarre?

 

[FPAlpha]

thanks for the answers guys. In case youre wondering this question was brought on by my current therapy for my social anxiety. I seem to be getting mixed answers split b/w yes & no. Certainly as far as media is concerned its a no(as in guys cannot see women as strictly platonic friendships.)

so my next question is how does a woman know when its flirting & when its small talk?

Tough one because as has been said here the border between small talk and flirting is very fluid.

Best bet is to go from the situation you're in.. if you're in some kind of official job function at a meeting chances are it's only small talk.

However later that day when the meeting is done and folks are meeting at the local bar that same situation could be flirting.

To be honest.. as a woman you san safely assume that about 80-90% of men who approach you are flirting and maybe hoping for more

 

[BolianAuthor]

Another good point is that even if no sexual innuendo is blatantly stated, sometimes it can either be assumed or implied by the woman, depending on what kind of comfort zone she has in the conversation.

 

[Kirk's_Tights]

I've had lots of guys come up and talk just to chill and be friendly.

Not all guys are perverted and looking for some vag to play with later.

 

[Mr Silver]

I tend to flirt quite a bit, mainly in a friendly, funny kind of way

I have several female friends (not "friends"!) Sure, I find it easier to be more relaxed with my Lesbian friends, that I can be friends with a Girl, with absolutely no threat of any Romantic involvement, but thats not to say I make friends with Girls who are Gay, because thats not the case

I dunno, to answer the OP's question, From what I understand about Men (I am one after all!) you'll get quite a few guys who will flirt with anyone in social situations, A lot of guys tend to measure success and popularity (particulary with male friends) with the number of girls they can "score" (Any kind of Sexual Involvement, Numbers, Kissing, etc)

Still you'll get a few guys who are just interested in being friendly, usually they are Married, in a Serious Long Term Relationship or Gay!

 

[RAMA]

when guys go up to women & start up a converation or small talk or whatever do they ever do it b/c they think "hey that girl looks like she might be a nice friend to hang out with" rather than "wow she's hot! I want to date her!"? In other words when a guy talks to a girl do they ever do it for platonic reasons rather than b/c they want to try to start a romantic relationship? also does attraction come into play with this? if they want to be friends with a girl but not date her or see her as a romantic partner is it b/c they dont find the girl attractive? or can they keep a platonic friendship with a girl who they find attractive?

No, I always talk/flirt to girls cause I think they are attracitve in some way...but that can lead to friendship rather than sex, its just that the sex part is always somewhere in my mind even if it never happens. 98.9% of guys are similar I'm pretty sure.

RAMA

 

[FPAlpha]

I've had lots of guys come up and talk just to chill and be friendly.

Not all guys are perverted and looking for some vag to play with later.

Yeah.. these guys just wanna chill and be friendly? Sure but back in their minds, and they'll never admit it even if you ask directly, they'll have their fantasies and desires. They may not act on it but to be honest.. if you wanted you'd have them in bed in minutes (and if i remember you right from pictures you have posted here you are quite a looker so that makes it even easier).

Why is it a "perversion" if someone is attracted to you and might want to have sex? Sex is fun and a great way to relax and i never claimed that all men are "just" looking for sex. Maybe they are looking for both.. someone to share their bed and their life. Ever entertained that thought that some men might want both from a woman but first attraction is almost always physical?

Why that is a perversion beats me (and i'm not talking about those assholes who view women just as a pair of boobs and a "vag").

 

[Kirk's_Tights]

I've had lots of guys come up and talk just to chill and be friendly.

Not all guys are perverted and looking for some vag to play with later.

Yeah.. these guys just wanna chill and be friendly? Sure but back in their minds, and they'll never admit it even if you ask directly, they'll have their fantasies and desires. They may not act on it but to be honest.. if you wanted you'd have them in bed in minutes (and if i remember you right from pictures you have posted here you are quite a looker so that makes it even easier).

Why is it a "perversion" if someone is attracted to you and might want to have sex? Sex is fun and a great way to relax and i never claimed that all men are "just" looking for sex. Maybe they are looking for both.. someone to share their bed and their life. Ever entertained that thought that some men might want both from a woman but first attraction is almost always physical?

Why that is a perversion beats me (and i'm not talking about those assholes who view women just as a pair of boobs and a "vag").

lol, I think you are taking my post a bit too seriously (the part about being pervs), my friend.

Most people can't seem to believe that there are guys out there who are sincere and really don't want to get a girl in bed. Why is it that when a girl chats with a guy, no one suspects she wants more than just to chill?

Both males and females have their fantasies and desires but not every single one of them has that on their mind at all times. Some find that you have something in common so they want to talk. One of my good friends loves Star Trek and wrestling and we talk about it all the time. He's in his 40's, has been with his wife forever and can't stop talking about her and his kids. When we first met, it wasn't anything other than wrestling talk and then he found out I liked Star Trek. We act more like brother and sister than anything. He has never made any sexual advances or even flirtatious comments, and we're the type of friends that would joke around like that, but we don't, because he isn't like that.

I know it is hard to believe but there really are dudes out there who can talk with a girl and not have anything sex related in his mind. Common interests create conversation. Labeling all guys the same way is a terrible generalization.

 

[Gaith]

I've had lots of guys come up and talk just to chill and be friendly.

Not all guys are perverted and looking for some vag to play with later.

​

 

[ares93]

I've had lots of guys come up and talk just to chill and be friendly.

Not all guys are perverted and looking for some vag to play with later.

​

Actually, that was an, albeit blunt, but rather accurate statement.

To tell you the truth, among my friends, flirting has almost become a sport. So you can flirt without getting in anyone's pants. I know my "fiancee" doesn't take offense because she knows it doesn't mean anything. Same thing when my mates are with us. Oh, they try all right. Doesn't mean squat.

 

[Nardpuncher]

It depends on what he says to you.

If someone's asking you when the next bus is coming or where the local mall is, then there's a good chance it's just him talking to a random stranger.

If he's starting a real conversation then you can read more into that. Sure you may have to take into account he may just be a more talkative person in general, but even then he may be more open to a friendship anyway.
And don't compare women to men, a woman in this thread saying she talks to men she's not attracted to doesn't really have anything to do with men you may have met.