Movie Captaion Contest #48: Vul-can't

[Rat Boy]

All right, all right; get your filthy hands off of each other, you kids, it's time for the next contest. Last week we were burning things up like a mash-up of the bedroom scenes from every episode of Grey's Anatomy and here are our winners:

Gorkon had the best poker face. Everyone believed he was dead.

Crusher: You're in luck, Geordi. Nurse Ogawa found something in the Federation Library about a "happy ending."

"We regret to inform you that the labs have run numerous and extensive tests and studies...and we're sorry to say that these Caption Thread entries are just going to keep getting stupider and stupider over time.

I am deeply sorry."

And as for the Photoshop winner, it's, oh no:

And finally, the award for making me look something up in the Urban Dictionary and this time wishing I hadn't:

This was the moment Kirk found out that Bones was into snowballing.

I'll give you a minute to look it up and then try to get that image out of your head.



Still here? You made sure to do a couple courtesy flushes to take care of the smell, right? Well then, you know who to congratulate/blame for that. On to the next contest, whose theme is, obviously, Vulcans. Our bonus picture comes to us by way of the TWOK special edition DVD, perhaps showing us why Nimoy went with a new Saavik in the sequel.

 

[Rat Boy]

High Priestess: "And park it in a good spot. All that shit happened the last time we were here."

After a drinking contest, the Vulcan commander recommended to the High Command that humanity should be kept on a short leash for fear of a massive increase of WWI, or Warping While Intoxicated.

Nimoy: "Maybe you should be kissing up to the director."

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

High Priestess: "Yo!"
Spock: "Yo!"

Cochrane: "Parts you name, money I name, or warp drive no!"

Standing Vulcan: "They're obviously too primitive, I say fuck 'em."

"You won't fool me twice! No snowballing!"

 

[Nathan_Heller]

After years of searching, Spock finally found Peter, Paul, and Mary.

Cochrane: "Cool ears! Can you open cans with them?"

 

[Rat Boy]

Spock tries very hard to prove he's not Herbert.

 

[Turd Ferguson]

Priestess: I'm sorry, Spock. But, you have not achieved Kolinahr.

Spock: But, I brought you the foot of the statue of Surak. Do you know how difficult that was to obtain? Just the sheer logistics alone were staggering. The price alone, over five million bars of gold pressed latinum.

"...and you tell that hot Vulcan woman with you I want her to mind-meld with my penis."

 

[Outpost4]

Replacing Nimoy with Moe Howard was a bad idea.

 

[Diesel Micky Dolenz]

Alley: "Beware the power of Xenu!"

Nimoy: "Fucking Scientologists..."

 

[cooleddie74]

FEMALE ELDER:"Vat does it mean...

Nun same as in town?

Thy human half...confuses us, Spock."

COCHRANE:" Now...wait here! I've got the good stuff inside...over there...

We call it Night Train...and baby, let me tell ya...once you ride coach on the Night Train your green-blooded space ass will be sore for a MONTH!"

NIMOY:"Tic-Tac?"

 

[cooleddie74]

SPOCK:"I have completed my Kolinahr meditation training...

and I bring many receipts for reimbursement."

 

[Rat Boy]

Priestess: "Hi, table for four, please; preferably with a volcano view."

Spock: "Four? I only see three."

Priestess: "She'll be along soon."

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Thanks for the win... glad I could send ya to the Urban Dictionary.

Spock: I come in peace.
Vulcan Matriarch: You dolt, this is your planet!

Saavik: Doctor McCoy just taught me this new trick...
Spock: Oh, no.
Saavik: Okay, how 'bout a Dirty Sanchez instead?

 

[cooleddie74]

FEMALE ELDER:"You have not achieved Kolinahr...

However...

You did vin the bake-off raffle prize in de city of Gromol. Congratulations, Spock."

What starship inspection tour will you be on when your Vulcan junior officer experiences the first signs of pon farr?

 

[Space Cowboy]

Vulcan Matriarch: What is your name?
Spock: I am Spock of Vulcan.
Vulcan Matriarch: What is your quest?
Spock: To seek the Logical Grail.
Vulcan Matriarch: What is the airspeed velocity of a flying Klingon skull?
Spock: Ridged or smooth?
Vulcan Matriarch: I don't know... AAAHHHH!!!! /flies off screen
Stann: How do you know these things?
Spock: It's only logical for a science officer to know these things.

Spock: Yeah Saavik, I like you and all, but the only way you're getting into my pants is if I die or I have my mind wiped.

 

[Starbreaker]

Quick, does anybody know Q'CPR?

 

[Turd Ferguson]

24th Century Starfleet had no idea how close First Contact came to becoming an interstellar war after Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge programmed Britney Spears on the jukebox.

 

[Rat Boy]

Cochrane: "Don't worry, you'll love Russian Roulette."

 

[Candlelight]

Little known trivia piece about TMP: The Thing from Fantastic Four played the fourth councillor.

Cochrane: "we call that a nipple."

Saavik: "Who's an angry little Vulcan then... who's a little angry Vulcan... who's-"
*SLAP!*

 

[Rat Boy]

Little known trivia piece about TMP: The Thing from Fantastic Four played the fourth councillor.

The Thing: "It's logicalin' time!"

 

[Gertch]

"All those under 35 show us how old you are...Both of you are 32?"