Movie Caption Contest #47: Playing Doctor

[Rat Boy]

Gorkon: "All right, now, Kang, you tickle my balls while the good doctor here sits on my face ..."

Crusher: "I'll get the condoms, so we don't get pregnant."
Geordi: "Don't bother. You can't get pregnant where I planned on sticking it."

Picardo: "My eyes! Why did I put the TrekBBS up on my big screen?"

 

[Gertch]

"Colonel Sheppard, you and Teyla come look at this - whoa, had a brain fart or something there."

 

[Triskelion]

I'm Chief Medical Officer, and if I want bald guys and hot blonds on my staff, I'll get them!

Chang: So what's this room supposed to be? You can neither sit nor eat comfortably in here.

I need to put my hair up before I operate. Can I borrow your VISOR?

 

[Santa Kang]

Kirk: "Why didn't you tell us he was allergic to shellfish?"

Azetbur: "We didn't know what a shellfish looked like!"

Kirk: "Just imagine your forehead with legs."

 

[Maurice]

Indigestion?
Pep-to Bis-mol!​

 

[Candlelight]

Azetbor: "Hey boys, what do you think of my new gravity boots?"
Chang: "Ixnei on the avity boots grai"

 

[Santa Kang]

 

[SantaEddie74]

McCOY: "Either his heart has stopped, or my chronometer's stopped working."

"Roll over and relax, Geordi.

The coffee enema's still coming."

DOCTOR:"As you can see, this lab hasn't had anything of importance or interest to do in weeks. Can someone please...throw us a Chinese finger puzzle or something to keep us busy?"

 

[SantaEddie74]

McCOY:"Dammit...

I warned him not to drink Pepto Bismol so quickly!"

 

[Candlelight]

Gorkon had the best poker face. Everyone believed he was dead.

 

[Gertch]

Gorkon had the best poker face. Everyone believed he was dead.

YOH, you never fail to make me laugh!

 

[Shatmandu]

Like every EMT, with his right hand, McCoy stole Gorkon's wallet.

Crusher: "It's okay: I warned the nurse that in your case, the stereotype isn't true."

 

[Rat Boy]

Spock: "Wait! That's not his...too late."

Crusher: "Ha! I knew you were faking that coma."

The Doctor: "According to Starfleet's Medical Database, it is known as 'crop-dusting.'"

 

[Gertch]

The cool breeze across their assless chaps told them someone was running by but they were too distracted to care.

 

[Rat Boy]

Kirk: "My God, what has happened?"

Chang: "You dare to feign ignorance! He was listening to your last album!"

 

[Candlelight]

"Please tell Alyssa not to tase me. Er, bro."
"It's a tricorder"
"Looks like a-"
"It's a tricorder. And stop calling me bro."

 

[Candlelight]

Bones: "My god man... he's been shot right through his heart. I don't think I can save him"
Chang: "Relax, he does this every Thursday night for attention"

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Crusher: Alyssa, please prepare the rectal probe.
Ogawa: Yes, doctor.

 

[Plecostomus]

Where will YOU be when your diarrhea returns?

(Note: I'm gonna keep this up until I win. )

CRUSHER: Well the bad news is we were unable to save your wang, and you have inoperable brain cancer and if you eat anything containing wheat your heart will stop.... but I do have some good news!

LAFORGE: Oh? You can cure all this?

CRUSHER: Hell no, I saved 15% on my shuttle insurance by switching to GIECO!

LAFORGE: I should have seen that comming.

CRUSHER: How? You're blind remember?

LAFORGE: *sigh*

After years of painstaking research and calculation Starfleet determines exactly how much wood a wood-chuck could chuck if a wood-chuck could chuck wood.

 

[SantaEddie74]

Gorkon's biggest mistake that evening?

Taking the dare to chug from Scotty's bong.

CRUSHER:"I've been a bad chief medical officer and ship's surgeon. Can you give me some belated and much-needed discipline across the entire visual spectrum?"

DOCTOR:"Can someone please tell me where the batteries for these devices are? Is this some sort of a cruel joke on an unsuspecting, innocent medical hologram?"